Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Up & Down (The Country & Emotionally)

August 26th 2007

I haven’t written for a while as I haven’t been in London and I simply haven’t had the energy. After the shocking news on Wednesday I did a days work on the Thursday and then asked for some leave to go back up north on Friday.

I booked the journey to Chesterfield, Bong has been moved to Sheffield, I couldn’t be arsed to get the extra stop added to my mounting train bills and no one checked my tickets so it was fine. I felt a little bit naughty. Bong was having a camera put through his groin to have a look at the liver so Matt met me from the station and we went to find him a suit for Alice’s wedding. It’s in just over a month so how the hell she is coping is a mystery to all of us. Mr B knew I was really down in the dumps when I phoned him to say I had been in to a Primark store and not bought a single thing! I was very impressed with how Sheffield is doing itself up, very swish and fabulous. We had fish and chips in Debenhams… interesting is the word I would describe for that meal. We then went to the hospital.

Those of you who know me well will know that I HATE lifts (I don’t like flying so those tickets to Australia are going to be interesting) and Bong was nicely situated on the ninth floor. Matt & I decided to walk it! Matt tried to be a clever arse and run, I was knackered, after my op I am so joining the gym. Bong still hadn’t been done, he was sat in bed looking as well as he always does which is sort of disturbing. He had the most amazing view, people would pay for that, it was a close call as to whether or not he had a better view than Aunty Pat when she was at St Thomas’s. She had Big Ben outside her window. We sat with him while he waited, I cried. He always gives you the ‘why are you crying’ look the cheeky bugger. Eventually they came and got him, we’d sent Gran off with Caroline as we thought she needed the break, joining them later for a coffee and then one of the mintiest mint choc chip ice creams I have ever eaten in the museum gardens. Sitting there in the sun watching life go by, kids playing in the grass, it suddenly seemed so surreal.

We were soon back chatting (after a horrific lift journey) and he said that camera’s through your groin are a doddle, he’s rock hard is Bong. A Macmillan nurse came and spoke to us, he is so flippant which again made me cry asking ‘as I don’t have much time left will I be comfortable during the last days of my life?’ As I type this I have started again, it comes in waves we have all been saying that. One minute you feel like it’s all a joke and not happening, the next you are so aware of the small amount of time you have left it is all consuming. We left home shortly after that.

Yesterday I stayed in the house. Was pleased to see I was in the top three of Susan Hill’s quiz on matching modern books with the new. I was also shocked, I love books and writing I also admit to not being the most literal or well read of people. I hovered, answered the phone (one call to Aunty Pat lasted an hour, I am worried for her she is normally a trouper but this has tipped her over the edge – I think it has for all of us) and getting the door to some lovely old ladies. The reason I stayed home is he has been allowed home again. This is hopefully for good, he will now be given weekly amounts of morphine to keep at home (Alice and I debated stealing some, Matt and I had wanted to get high on some on the Friday night – well it would give us a laugh). Patrick and Alice brought him back and then Patrick and I went shopping for odds and sods including compost for Gran. While we were out Bong had a funny turn. I think the next few days/weeks are going to be like living on a knife edge.

Now it’s Sunday and I am home. It seems all so weird. Sat this morning looking at Riber, Mason and the huge valley before us (their view is amazing) that I found it hard to believe that I would be in London this afternoon, yet here I am. One good thing was that it was Muffintop’s Birthday on Saturday so she had a picnic party in Regents Park; Mr B had been there all afternoon (Muffintop was over an hour late) he met me from the station and took me to meet everyone. It was actually very good for me; you need a bit of real life after the horrors of what’s going on. Kayke, Mitch and Mew were all there so that was nice.
After having hardly had any time with Mr B for the last few weeks we went to Balan’s for dinner which was lovely. He has two weeks off from his job and is doing internship at my work. The idea was we would get more time together for two weeks, it hasn’t worked out like that at all, tonight was nice though, now only just over 24 hours until my operation, life never stops getting better.

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