Friday, August 29, 2008

Most Haunted Laid To Rest?

I have been a fan of Most Haunted for years so when I got tickets to the live show at Alexandra Palace I was over the moon, there was also only one person I could take and that was Michelle/Spandex/Mitch. One of the things we have had in common since she was ‘the lady what paid me’ when I was a temp about 4 years ago (bar the love of Pride & Prejudice, Colin Firth and Mills & Boon) is Most Haunted. In fact we have had several long and sometimes you might say heated conversations and debates on this very subject. Does the stuff that happens really happen? Is an orb really a ghost? Did Derek Acorah wear a thong? Why did Derek get fired? Could we do a better job?

I am really open to the show, I know a lot of people think it’s faked I couldn’t see any trickery tonight. I am open to the whole ghost thing and once made a pilot for something like this filmed in a pubs cellar that’s part of the old Newgate Prison. I am actually looking for gay ghost hunters or a gay ghost hunting team for October’s magazine, so if you know any let me know. I also had a very weird moment with a friend at Balham Spiritualist Church where the message we got was so spot on and we gave nothing away, but that’s another story back to Most Haunted.

We arrived at Alexandra Palace with just the three hours to spare before it started as we wanted to make good time. After being directed by one of the security guards to find ‘a little gay guy called Martin who hands out the tickets, careful though mister he might try and kiss you’ seriously these people still exist. In my head I was thinking ‘you have no idea what my career or sexual orientation is do you numpty man?’ It made for a hilarious conversation in the ridiculously long queue to meet said Martin. We had arrived only 30 minutes after you could get tickets and we were the 319th and 320th members of the audience. And what an audience…
But before that I must pay homage to Martin who I have previously mentioned because he for me and Michelle was possibly one of the highlights of the night. When we got our wristbands he had just said to the people in front ‘just put out your wrist… or your penis anything really we can attach it to and see it on’. After Michelle and I had ours on he said ‘we love you two’. Later when the audience had withered to about half if not less he ran to us and said ‘you are all gorgeous, sexy, hot people move forward… now’. He should have been the warm up act and the entertainer in all the waiting around or even better one of the presenters. We loved him.

So onto the audience, can I state that before I say this and before I judge others I am honestly not a snob or normally this judgemental, there are just levels of decent humanity that sometimes need addressing. Firstly this audience was lame, no one wanted to be interviewed for the show (they didn’t ask us) they took photos when they were told it was banned (my photo was on the way out so doesn’t count), they were a whole new level of chav (bar some lovely gays and Goths) they talked loudly and endlessly about utter shit or as if the crew and cast of the show were their best friends and I am sorry but some of them smelt. We know it was them because it arrived with three ladies (all obese) and was so strong we were sniffing ourselves and each other to make sure it wasn’t us. One of these delightful ladies then took her shoes off, announced the stench of her feet was ‘hanging’ and wouldn’t put the shoes back on. Fortunately 60% of the audience had left by 10pm which I thought was a bit of a cheek as some people had been waiting three years for tickets, that’s a whole new level of crazy.

The show was good, we got to see Yvette and several of the Most Haunted Team (I am still sulking they never got back to me about a time for an interview but that’s another story) Lesley Smith was FABULOUS and I think she might have to be a future femme fatale for my new interview feature that’s running every month in Bent, as of next month. I need to find out more about her. Their new psychic ‘Brian’ is awful, I could wander around saying ‘spirit come forward’ and not give any details as to who the spirit is other than its male or female and might have had plague, bring back David Wells! In fact bring back the old simpler format.

Watching the show on the big screens was good sadly though they weren’t doing ‘Alexandra Palace’ which seemed like a waste of an amazing venue and also I think if we had been an audience in the location they were at we would have felt more part of it, rather than a herd of cattle trained to clap who weren’t really allowed to use the loo or entertained during the endless bits where the team weren’t being screened and we weren’t needed, we actually got told not to clap sometimes, I think it was meant to add to the suspense. Now they are trying to make the show a bit too out there and as they had no contact with the studio it made for slightly dull TV where we’d one moment see one of them in a coffin doing an experiment and then be treated to them having a chat or moving equipment. I think the DVD of ‘Total Darkness’ will be better. I’ll still try and do the Halloween show if it’s near London.

Where the Most Haunted team were looked fabulous though, they are staying three days underground beneath various parts of London, tonight’s was the London Tombs which have not long been discovered under London Bridge. I love all that underground London stuff… I need to start getting jobs where I get to do that, now how would one become a member of Most Haunted? Maybe I should start up ‘Laid To Rest’ again, a show a friend and myself started, that never quite went anywhere. I am going to start brainstorming.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Time Goes By... So Quickly

My afternoon with Madonna went far far far too quickly, am waiting the official shots of the afternoon, so here's one of mine to leave you with...
Make of it what you will! More on possibly one of the most fun afternoons I have had when the proper pics arrive!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

And So The Diet Starts

Sometimes something with work comes up that might not make the best feature but you just selfishly want to try and then will try and make into a really exciting feature. A diet that is delivered freshly made for you every day that the likes of Jennifer Aniston is on (though if I end up looking like Jennifer Aniston I wont be impressed, as she is a girl and Brad has totally passed her by) and other celebs, I just though ‘hell yeah I am so doing this’. That was last week, before the hampers started to arrive. My first hamper arrived on Tuesday so I am now two days into this malarkey, am I loving it?

…In a word “no”. I have to say the food is delicious; there just simply isn’t enough of it. I know before anyone answers with ‘that’s the whole point of a diet’ that indeed that is the whole point but I guess I wasn’t expecting it to be so little. Carbs are gone, rice and potatoes minimised, and meat is higher on the ingredients count that it would be if I was cooking myself. There isn’t a sign of chocolate anywhere just ‘cocoa flavoured’ things. The things I do for the love of my job lol.

There are pro’s though, because I am on a strict fitness regime I am allowed one Mars Bar a day *insert the theme ‘a mars a day, helps you work, rest and play here* and I am eating fruit salads on top. It is hard work though my stomach hasn’t ached like this in a long time (that’ll be the shrinking) and I have to drink masses of water everyday, water is the most boring tasting drink in the universe, is adding masses of Ribena cheating I wonder? I haven’t… yet! There is also the fact that coffee is banned and so is sugar in tea, bloody Hitler’s! I love a nice sweet tea! However I have also discovered, a little late I am sure, Chai Tea which needs no sweetening and I am drinking quite a high amount of as ‘its good for me’ and tastes like (though hopefully without the side effects of) Syrup of Figs.

I should say more about the food I am allowed though really. The shakes are all very nice, Granola… rabbit food but bearable, plus one has chocolate in another pecan, the Pea & Ham soup is amazing (best I have ever had) and ‘Crab and Asparagus’ soup sounds quite fancy. It’s the mains that make me laugh like ‘Richard Jenkins Wild Rabbit’ who the heck is Richard Jenkins when he’s at home? I think it’s supposed to sell it to me, maybe if the picture was of a buff rogue farm hand, rather than a greying old farm codger it would do the trick. Honestly some people get freebies and just moan, moan, moan I ask you!

Updates on how the diets going soon, maybe when the mood swings have passed.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Olympic Gays

I have to say when the Olympic Games ended I nearly shed a tear. I have really gotten into it this year, but why the possible tear I hear you cry? Was it the amazing firework and closing display? No, but almost as that was wonderful. Was it the awful effort we made with Boris and his bad hair and Leona and his bad miming? No though if we’re selling commuters and transport as London’s highlights god help us. Was it because Team GB did really well and I got really behind them? Maybe as I did this year. Was it saying good bye to all the semi naked men? Very possibly. Was it the fact its been my companion as Phoebe seems to be scared of the dark and cries if the lights and TV are off and she needs cuddling as she’s in a new home and now I will only have Quiz Call or QVC? Almost definitely!

Bless Phoebe as she started off the first night ok, but since then it’s been a rocky road. She doesn’t particularly like Mr S yet other than when he is playing with her and then she cries if he stops. Only one morning to stop the mewing he fell asleep on the floor at 4am woke up at 6am to see me and Phoebe happily curled up together deeply asleep on the bed. We have now realised she’s randomly scared of the dark and like dutiful parents we are sleeping with the light on, which if you have tried this is almost impossible, well it is for me, and so the all night Olympic coverage has been a great friend for me in these slightly trying times.

Fortunately I’ve had quite a sports filled last few days which has taken away a lot of the loss I have felt with the Olympic farewell, and I don’t just mean under my new ‘get fit’ regime. Though the weekend did see me gyming a lot it also saw the start of the IGLFA (I think that stands for International Gay & Lesbian Football Association) World Championship, something that features the Yorkshire Terriers who Bent are sponsoring. So I am being a roving reporter for that. I missed the opening event at Shepherd’s Bush as I went to the Lovers & Losers night at Trash Palace where my gorgeous friend Dom Agius was doing his first headline gig and was fabulous. I couldn’t stay late because of Queen Phoebe and her current demanding behaviour. I then missed the first day of matches, so really not the best reporter of the games so far. I did have a reason for missing the first day and that was the Royal Vauxhall Tavern and GMFA’s Sports Day.

I am a volunteer for GMFA but sadly not the best one. I do work on FS and try and do what I can but I will do more in the future I swear. As this Sports Day was to benefit them I went along to get some coverage for Bent and hopefully that’ll create some extra publicity. I also found out that my best mate Andy was taking part in a team (The London Raiders) so I had to go and support them. After hand bag tossing, the 50m mince, the tug of war *insert gay men tugging joke here* the egg and spoon and the Beer Relay Race they came a very high scoring second. It was a really good fun day out and we even had some sunshine. Here’s the team tugging…

Here’s Andy and his fella Jay…

Here’s the fabulous Timberlina who was hosting the event in a fabulous purple jumper dress, they so need to come back.

Oh and here are me and Mr S can you see we have swapped hair length (there were tears over this haircut, not mine, but he asked me to do it) and I am looking sportier? Not quite!

More sporting news tomorrow when I finally cover the IGLFA World Championship, I wonder if a roving reporter gets to interview them all in the showers. That would be really hard work and so dull! God my job is so difficult sometimes!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Who's The Foster Daddy?

Well it would appear that the foster daddy could indeed be me. No not children though things are looking good for next year but that’s a whole other blog! After Hoyden died I was adamant that there was no way I would ever have another cat, while that was quite extreme I still don’t but after seeing some kittens on TV I felt tempted. So I had a look online when I found a foster scheme with Battersea Dog’s Home. The idea is that you look after cats who are a little poorly, who need to adjust to living in a home again, or who have just had kittens. This is perfect for people who work abroad sometimes, have a smaller flat, or have no garden AND it’s doing something for a charity. So I am all signed up and pending a home check and some references all should be good.

Now one of the references will naturally be my gorgeous best friend Polly, who has known me the whole while I had both Thisbe and Hoyden, and who has now left me in charge of her precious pussy (oh that sounds rude, snigger – sorry) for almost two weeks while she goes away as part of her birthday celebrations. It was meant to start on Thursday but thanks to the closing down of the Northern Line for a few days (an excuse to not go into town which is a bonus) because of a strike, she has arrived this evening.

I did a mad dash to Sainsbury’s for cat litter trays, dinner for us, cat treats and a mouse toy – the woman at the checkout gave me a withering ‘single gay man with a cat syndrome’ look before Polly arrived with Phoebe in tow. It’s the first time Polly and I have seen each other since the drama of me leaving book group (ha that sounds so late 50’s woman drama) which is another story! So I found her in an isle looking fabulous as ever with her cat basket in tow. Polly had quite a lot of looks at the tube but said ‘a person staring at my pussy rather than my breasts is quite nice’, so after a litter hunt we traipsed to Phoebe’s temporary home. That cat is heavy.

How’s is all going? Well as you can see from the picture below she has found a furry thrown to lounge on. She did something very camp when she first got on which was hiss at it before rolling all over it with love… so fickle. We also gave her some catnip (its like feline dope) which made her love everything and everyone for about ten minutes.

Polly has now gone and Phoebe is a little bit jumpy but seems to be settling in nicely. She seems to be quite happy with me bar one picking up incident which almost ended in tears, mine. We have had about an hour of loud sad mewing at the front door, some disappearing in wardrobes and under the oven, then an overexcited jump onto the bed which ended in her falling off and now sleepily sulking back on the rug. I am calling all this adjustment!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Pain & Pride, Plus Some Winehouse & Madonna

So after the new ‘Simon becomes a Gym Bunny’ phase that has been going on for just under two weeks (I’m not spotting any difference yet) I had my first meeting with the gorgeous and lovely personal trainer Mario from Sweatbox who is breaking me into newer exercise routines and such like. When I arrived to meet him I thought we would be doing exercises in the gym and using the vibration plates Ms Minogue does, if they are good enough for Kylie they are good enough for me. This was not what Mario had in mind… at all!

Ten minutes later I was changed and outside, five later I was running down Oxford Street. That’s right Simon Savidge was RUNNING down Oxford Street, and not to buy the last fabulous bag from Selfridges or anything like that! The run, that turned into a walk then a fast walk then a run, ended up in Regents Park where I was then made to do some vile exercises that will help with my back and Yoga. I think the people in the park were as shocked to see me doing it as I was to be actually doing it. Dare I say I actually enjoyed it? I did you know, I mean my legs are hurting, I hate to imagine the pain to come after he made me do things to stretch every muscle in my body, I am walking like John Wayne but I feel quite good. I now await his call for training volume two, you are bound to hear about it (I don’t mean the screams of pain and protest) when I embark on the next session. I was invited to the Foam Party tonight but think will leave that for when am trimmer!

I then waddled to the Curzon to meet Mr S, for we and several of our Brazilian chums were out for Soho Pride (via China Town for Dim Sum). Can I ask why London needs two prides or is that a very silly question? It wasn’t half bad and I had a real laugh, the streets were teaming, the sunshine was out and I got some good snaps (sadly none of the Gaydar camp as someone had messed up my press passes oh well) but I did make it to see two fabulous acts on the QX stage, sadly I missed Antigone who’s single ‘More Man Than Man’ is amazing. The first act was Tania Gornall Alboni as Amy Winehouse and she is amazing, see picture below.

She had the voice down to a ‘T’ it’s an amazing voice and she’s really talented and looks the spit of Amy, really, really good. Her rendition of ‘Valerie’ had everyone going. Speaking of Valerie, Carlos’ boyfriend turned up with a box of Patisserie Valerie cakes not long after as he works there, this was truly selfish of him as after my work out I shouldn’t have, but I had to. The toffee ├ęclair was too tempting for me. After 'The Wino' we got Madonna in the form of Melissa Totten who was awesome.

Dare I say she was actually better at being Madonna than Madonna sometimes is (have I performed a gay blasphemy)… and she sang live! She’ll be doing something very special in a forthcoming edition of Bent (not Septembers but Octobers) which you will all have to look out for, I’ll be blogging about it to death next week as I am very excited and she is very lovely. After those two highlights we tried to get into Camp Gaydar again but the queue was still stupid and we couldn’t be arsed so we bought lots of booze from one of the mini markets, I actually only had diet coke, and drank in the street with all the other gay men and women, it was brilliant. Eventually drizzle came and my legs gad started to make me wince when walking so decided was time for home. Delicious day all in all though.

Monday, August 11, 2008

The White Flat with the Picket Fence Has Gone

Do you ever walk into somewhere and instantly know that it’s where you should live? Now stop thinking about random friends or families lovely houses or stately homes you have visited, or even your house as I know some of you will be sat there smugly thinking ‘but I have that already’. Now think about when you’re on the flat hunting trail. Think about the endless appointments, the treks up and down the northern line (or whichever line you live on or wish to live on) and there it is the house of your dreams, and no one else has put a holding deposit down, your brain creates the life you’ll be living… and then your Brazilian husbands family ruin it all as you have half but they do too and won’t give it back.

I have just had that, finally after months of looking the perfect house had arrived, well perfect flat. It was indeed white and though it didn’t have a picket fence it did have a stunning balcony. We had glimpsed the neighbours, a lovely old lady who had 4 cats, a single mum and her 2 year old son, and a couple who were lawyers or something and some medical students upstairs. It was like a London version of Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City if you threw in a gay… oh hang on that’s me. Now this isn’t a blog to drone on about the negatives but just to show how crazy someone’s brain can go.

In my head I had become best friends with the neighbours and become all of there best friends e.g. I would babysit for the single mother and share the odd glass of wine on the balcony talking about the ‘perils of men’. I would do the shopping for the old cat lady next door making sure she knew they would be in perfect hands while she went on a saga holiday and that her prized tomatoes wouldn’t get eaten by slugs in the communal garden. I would always have spare sugar for the lawyers and be happy to set up some of their single male friends with any of my single friends of the appropriate sex -as a) must be pc and b) you never know when you need a good lawyer – and offering to watch the flat if they when to the Maldives. All in all generally being an amazing neighbour and joining the tenant’s board and neighbourhood watch.

I had also joined the area for this flat was not in Tooting but in Balham, so I had joined the local community in my head also. I had been to the library and joined the local book group, joined the leisure centre for swimming every other day – its still as close to the gym as I am now. I also volunteered on Sundays for one of the charity shops and also was lunching and coffee morning-ing with some of my friends in some of the great bars and restaurants, especially the French one.

All this I had done in my head in a matter of hours, yes hours not minutes. Now it’s all gone, can you tell I’m not bitter?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

An OMO in a Sweat-Box

So I had a bit of a working weekend this weekend and hoped it would wash the woes away and indeed it did. Sometimes I love my job and other times I really love my job. This weekend has been one of the latter. Occasionally I get to do some great bar reviews where the staff are lovely and the drinks are flowing, but when I got asked to review a gym and spa, well how could I say no? I must admit I did snigger at the thought of me reviewing a gym as though I am back in the swing of training I am nowhere near Gym Bunny standard. I also thought this might be interesting as normally if I go to a gym I get the ‘oh you are really gonna have your work cut out aren’t you?’ and that’s just from a straight gym, so would a gay gym be as bitchy?

The answer is a resounding no! I walked in and Mark and Jason are bloody lovely. They make you feel instantly at home. I won’t do a full review on here as it’ll be in the next issue of Bent all I will say is wow. They have gone to town with a masculine sexy red and black theme in the gym with vibration plates (which Kylie uses and I will be trying next weekend) which are going to be huge, but not in a fad kind of way. I will report on those then. On the middle floor are a lovely spa pool, and several steam rooms still in the red and black theme and then on a floor down is the locker room and a sauna area with cabins which I didn’t really check out as a free Jacuzzi and steam room hello, I know my priorities. After had spa’d for some serious time, it was time for me to head home and get ready for a night out at OMO when I got asked if I would like to come back in the week and have a massage… hmmm that was a tough one, I’ll let you know how I get on. It’s Hot Rock Massage apparently; does anyone know what that is?

So OMO, is it any different to GAY? In terms of the venue I have to say no, they have added a DJ booth in the bar upstairs so that’s now an edgy pop/indie/R&B room, they have also painted that area black with everyone’s favourite… a few disco balls. Then on the main stage are three massive light display letters spelling OMO and in the middle of the M sits the DJ, very nice. The music is very current and slightly less like someone’s just plugged in their iPod on random, but hey what do I know I can’t DJ. The one thing that really makes the difference is the customers. They have changed.

Now either from the dizzy heights of the balcony, where I would sit for GAY, everyone either looked like a chicken/twink or a chicken/twink hawk or it was the case. Tonight what I truly loved was the mix. There were less of them but still a 18 (and possibly under but shush you mustn’t say that) to 20 band of people, then there were the twinks, but there were lots of lesbians which I always like, bears, grey gays, indie boys and everyone mixed quite happily. It was a bit like certain Vauxhall haunts but without the attitude, sort of. I am digging a whole saying that. I would advise you all to go and see for yourselves. I must retire now, working (aka drinking and spa-ing) so hard on a weekend is most tiring for one, ha.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Leave It, It's Family

Again a big bout of no blogging, do I have a good excuse? I will have you know I kind of have three, so there! Firstly of course last week was Kylie week and though I want to scream about it from the rooftops, until I get the pictures and can make even more of the world jealous I shall stay silent on the matter. The second is the fact that ‘Project MD’ is going really well, it started as a small thought process and has now gone off into the stratosphere with over 4000 last night and am praying for a full day of it one have blogged. All I need next is approval from the Du Maurier Estate; I’m being a bit vague aren’t I? Let’s move on…

So the big reason things have been quiet? Stress. Mr S and I have been having endless meetings and paying stupid fee’s to sell some property in Brazil. ‘We’ (which is technically more ‘he’ but it doesn’t matter now we are hitched) has some property out there and we decided to sell one in order to buy here. So far, so boring! Now Mr S has often told me of the drama of his family, they are in fact one of those Socialite ‘Dynasty’ kind of families in Brazil, I am hoping this makes me Alexis when we go over I so cant wait for them to meet me I have so much now to say to them, and his parents divorced was big news as they owned a chain of hotels and went from partners to bitter rivals.

Glamorous in a highly 80’s way, with feuds, drama and then tragedy as Mr S’s Mum got cancer and passed away a few years ago. This was when his brothers showed their true colours. They sold all the hotels to their Dad, even though her dying wish was they wouldn’t. Now also to add a bit of spice they also locked his Mum in a room, it got seriously crazy and weird. So Mr S knew that they had the capacity to be evil, untrustworthy and malicious. Hey we all have that somewhere in the family don’t we?

Now his Dad has never wanted to sell his house and Mr S’s adjoining one, so when he suddenly offered as we were thinking about the same thing it seemed perfect and so we started to go along with it. When a document arrived from Brazil which Mr S was to sign saying his Dad could sell it I had a few reservations, but it’s for Mr S to decide so I stayed quiet and also ‘baby, I did this before with my brother its fine.’ I wish I had spoken up, randomly it wouldn’t have mattered. This document has taken months and pounds to get sorted. It was sent special delivery to Brazil (not a cheap thing at £70 for a letter) but even though was signed for at his Dad’s hotel has still never arrived. I had alarm bells ringing even though Mr S was adamant ‘everything was fine’.

Saturday it all kicked off, I dropped a hint as to how earlier ‘baby, I did this before with my brother its fine’ and his brother has sold the property given the money to Mr S’s dad who has now not sent it to us, but bought a new hotel with it, and obviously his own money on top, not much though you should have seem the house. It’s like a Brazilian version of The Mitchell’s. So now a legal battle starts, I am thinking of getting the 80’s shoulder padded pastel suits on (partly to look like Alexis and partly because Oxfam will be the only place I will be shopping for the near future) in readiness. But this is where it gets truly twisted… on the phone to Mr S his Dad was laughing saying ‘you can’t sue me, it’s your brother who did it… sue him’ yes that’s right not content with screwing over one son he has done it to two. What a great family I married into! Mr S was trying to console himself last night (in all seriousness and drama free now, he is devastated his family have treated him like this) with the fact that he has my parents now. I don’t think my answer of ‘oh you mean the Dad who was a complete arse the week before we got married and I have now disowned, or my 41 year old mother who in the last month seems to have forgotten how to use a phone, or just forgotten she has any older children?’

Aren’t families the best?