Monday, December 31, 2007

The Last Day of 2007

I can’t believe it’s the end of another year. So much has happened, both good and bad. In a lot of ways I have to say I will be glad to say goodbye to this year as it has been a tough one and I am also thinking next year is going to be amazing! Well it better bloody had be!

So with that in mind and new starts on my brain I have enroled at the gym! Yes Simon is going to try and get fit. I have to say that ‘Calvin’ frankly couldn’t be arsed to train me at all which really annoyed me as to be honest when you are paying £49 a month for an ex local leisure centre the staff could be a little more friendly. There’s no contract with this place so if it doesn’t impress I will leave.

The exercises they want me to do look far too long and daunting too! I mean considering I have done no exercise for sodding months they want me to do the cross runner for 15mins, then the treadmill for 15mins then the bike for 15mins. Plus 3 sets of 12 on various torture devices, I mean weights. However the new improved positive Simon of 2008 will find it all wondrous I am sure.

I am now just back from ‘Snow White’. I took Mr B to see his first ever pantomime thanks to the ex. We went to his theatre (Wimbledon) to see it and I have to say I was sadly disappointed. There was no dame which is always a downer for a panto frankly. The cast was ok with Ross Kemp (who I wrongly quite fancy) and Willow, you know the dwarf? The stage just seemed really empty all the time and Bobby Davro always pisses me off. I think he thought it was his very own live show. Mr B and the ex got on really well which was really good and made me happy.

Now am going to get my glad rags on for New Years Eve, the most over hyped evening of the year! I am meeting Muffintop and Al, plus PP and G! It should be a good evening as we have a table in Balan’s from 10.30 and plan on eating good food and getting very drunk. Speak to you very hungover in 2008! Goodness that seems so weird.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

I End The Year As A Criminal...

I went to Hitchin in Hertfordshire today (did you know they have the warehouse of one of the biggest sex toy deliveries? Well you do now.) I was going for a COPL brainstorming day with Mitch and also to finally see her new house. I didn’t realise I would get in some trouble for it when I departed.

I decided to get an earlier train than planned, I forgot that when you get to Kings Cross you have to go to the bloody other side of the platform past Platform 9.3/4 when I got there I found there was a mammoth queue for the tickets and after buying my Burger King Breakfast I only had 5 minutes. I spoke to the guy on the Platform and he said that I could use my oyster card to get through and would be able to pay when I got to Hitchin.

Now when I got to Hitchin the f-ing jobs worth wanted confirmation from the station. Now considering I told him twice I came from Kings Cross he kept on insisting that he needed to talk to Finsbury Park station, who naturally said they had had no problems or queues. So I got FINED! Can you believe it? Bloody £20 and then I had to buy a single back. I got a ticket and a document to send my ‘argument’ to their head offices. Absolute pin heads oh I was fumigating! No, really!

Anyways I had a nice day with Mitch, we met up with Kaylord (who pretty much made us organise the day around her, I love her but she’s a real princess sometimes) for lunch in town. Mitch’s house is lovely, perfect for two and her and Matt seem very happy. I bought some cheap Ugg rip off’s. Well I’m not so gay I need the real thing, I will only ruin them.

We saw St. Trinian’s which was so bad it was almost brilliant! As for COPL well… we did some serious brainstorming though as from the picture below you will see it was under the influence of a certain substance and didn’t really amount to very much other than sniggering and giggling! Whoops!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Thats Christmas Over & Done With

Back in London after Christmas… aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh and RELAX! I am not a fan of Christmas, yes I know shocking isn’t it, and you would have thought that I would revel in the tinsel and the shopping and the alcohol. Well the latter is fine. I haven’t put a tree up or any decorations in the flat much to Mr B distress; he says it feels miserable, I said ‘let it’.

Christmas for me is too stressful. I hate the shopping, each year I vow that I will buy the presents nice and early and not hit the mad rush. This year as always I am shopping on the last Saturday before Christmas involving four, yes four, runs into Wimbledon as some of the presents are huge. I got thoroughly pissed off and had to buy myself two Nintendo DS games just to lighten the mood. I am stuck on the Simpson’s which is really frustrating me!

Then there are the hideous train journeys. Two bloody trains to my mothers and this year Euston was closed and so we went from Marylebone on a train where you can’t book a seat, there is no where to put your luggage and they don’t serve drinks or food or seem to have a heating system. Plus the journey that route takes a nice 3.5 hours! Oh and on the way back we were next to so ex cons that had come out of prison that day and were bragging about all the shit they had done, how nice.

Christmas is also about rowing. Big old rows over nothing. Mum and Tim were arguing on the first night about stepsister 2. Who was coming then wasn’t then was via taxi costing Tim £40, she really needs to grow up. I love her but sweet lord. All week it’s been ‘Simon is being mean to me’ fine if you are 10 like Mim, but at 19? It took me saying ‘look I’m 25 and our 19 I have much better things to do than pick on you’ to stop that one. Then it was ‘you locked me in a cupboard 9 years ago’ who cares, I was a little sod and I did lock her up, move on! Me and Amy did it as she was annoying us; I was 16 for goodness sake. Mr B wasn’t sure about it either, every time he tried to talk to her she would talk over him.

Mum and I had a blazer. Christmas Eve we decide to go and see Enchanted. Brilliant film, my mother almost wet herself, seriously. She announced we were leaving in ten minutes whilst we were all in our pyjamas so I flew into a rage. I also called her Hitler on Christmas Day. This was because we had to go a walk ‘yes, even you Simon’ and we couldn’t open any presents until we got back then we could then we couldn’t. Then I was talked to about how to behave with Mr B when Tim’s Mum was there for Christmas dinner, she’s a Methodist and not a big fan of gays. She was fine we had a right laugh; she’s got a very wicked sense of humour which I adored.

I went to Midnight Mass, I am the least religious person ever but Mr B wanted to go so I went along to support him. I managed to drop my hymn book and shout ‘fuck it’ within 5 minutes of being in there. Met some real white witches, Mums new friends who I LOVED! They were so interesting and not at all bothered about telling me all ‘we don’t dance around naked sucking animal blood like people would think’. On Boxing Day we watched them doing some Morris dancing in Ironbridge on the Iron Bridge. It’s the oldest Iron Bridge in the world apparently.

Presents given all good Mr B gave me a brilliant new camera, Kylie tickets (Kylie was a theme my family went with last year and this – how stereotypical, and how much I loved them) and Spice Girls tickets which he’d already given me, books and bits from Mum. Shower stuff from Tim’s Mum – bless her! Seth bloody loved his remote control K-9. Dr Who was watched and scorned by the family as being boring. Kylie wasn’t bad though.

See it’s stressful. Mr B got the rough end of my tongue (not in a rude way) when he said me and my mother are so similar i.e. stressy and volatile. I have to agree, I still had a big sulk.

Now I am back and boy does it feel good to be home. Now all I have to panic about is sorting out New Years Eve… bugger!

Friday, December 21, 2007

On My Milky Way

So it’s done! My time at Milky is over. What a weird last day as well. Got in at a normal hour, sorry but I was buggered if I was doing anymore 7am starts, plus G left on Wednesday (another shocker for the Milky family) and we normally did our thing that early. Oh that sounds rude ha-ha. Hardly any of my team were in, I had to send one of them to get Stink Bats leaving present, and yes that’s right we are all off!

We then got an email saying we were finishing at 1pm! I was meant to have a leaving lunch then L was most saddened. I decided to scrap that in favour of getting pissed at the pub with everyone. So then end of the day everyone crowed around my desk to say goodbye. Muffintop gave a lovely speech. SS2 said something and so did the MD so it was all left very positively.

The pub was a different story. People I don’t like and who have never really liked me (such a Woolly) did all that ‘I will miss you so much’ bollocks, I stayed very quiet. Then the more pissed people got the more they wanted to know ‘why I was leaving’ and ‘I just am’ didn’t seem to do much to shut them up. By 7pm I had had enough. Shloe was crying her eyes out, Jono was pissed and gave a speech on a stool and me and Muffintop buggered off for a curry. Maybe I was being sensitive or maybe I was much sadder than I thought. I got a bloody Nintendo DS as a leaving gift though which was really nice, I was quite shocked!

So that’s the end of that era. 2008 is looming and I am in a strange position where really the world is my oyster. Mind you oysters make me ill!

Monday, December 17, 2007

I Can Tell The World...

Finally I can tell everyone why I’ve been so quiet and miserable sort of recently. After a fabulous 3 years at Milky I am leaving! Yes people were well and truly shocked. Spanners came straight over and gave me a huge hug, Muffintop and Shloe both got teary, and people seemed genuinely surprised, so my acting skills must be better than I thought.

It feels good to let everyone know, I have wanted to say something for a while but couldn’t and can’t say too much now. All I will say is as of the 21st I am jobless. Well I have Bent Magazine as you all know so really this is a very good chance for me to get on with my journalism work 100% without the day job getting in the way. Plus I am buggering off to Australia for the whole of February so I am taking January out and travelling until March. Then I will have had enough time to reflect and see what I want to do next. Oh and there’s also Panto which will take up 2 weeks of January so it’s working out quite well.

Speaking of travelling my secret weekend away was to Edinburgh! Lovely Spa Hotel and eating at the best restaurants all from Mr B as a treat as he knew I was a bit stressed and all over the place, it was lovely! So that’s my news really! I won’t be blogging much this week as I have masses to do before I leave Milky on Friday… eek! It’s a bit scary now!

Friday, December 14, 2007

The House of Secrets

It was our work (not Bent the other work) Christmas Party last night. I am not feeling hungover at all which is nice and was at work at 9am so I could leave at 2pm. Mr B surprised me this morning saying ‘be back by 5pm I am taking you away, you need to pack for the weekend and have your passport’. How exciting!

It was a ‘mystery’ what we were doing for the work event with lots of rumours going around I was personally praying for The Ivy. We shut up the office at 4.30 to get dolled up, I didn’t really doll up just wore a shirt and jeans which is a smart as I can get sometimes. We then had Champagne in the office until we were told to go outside at 6pm.

Outside was a private party Double Decker bus. We all got really excited and me and Spanners decide to sit at the front so we could see where we were going. This backfired when we were all asked to put blindfolds on. Oh before that one of the guys got of the bus for a wee and fell in the Thames how random is that, he was soaked to the chest and smelt… interesting! He later fell in a pond!

So we were blindfolded and me and Spanners were told off for groping each other, we didn’t realise the bus man was in front of us, the shame! We went around for ages making us all feel very sick and bursting for the toilet and then we stopped, in the middle of bloody nowhere. There was a random massive house, a council estate and a park. The house had a weird iron back entrance and we were all escorted through that into a weird garden. Firstly it snowed and then there was lots of smoke and eerie laughter and children singing in freaky voices. We made our way to the house via some random monsters popping out of the bushes and into what can only be described as a haunted old house. It was ODD!

The place was ‘The House of Secrets’ and is apparently quite well known. From 7pm to 10pm you get to nosey around and have magic tricks at your tables (the tabled area is like a cabaret) and have your future told. You go down and explore the haunted cellar which was so bad it was brilliant. I may have let out a little scream once. Then you have a magic show. I have to say it was awesome. Our MD got decapitated! After that it’s a disco until one. Sad so and so I am I left at 12.15 so I could get the tube home, but it was quite a good laugh, I just wasn’t quite in the mood. God I am a miserable git.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Panto Panto Panto!!!!

I have been back to Greenwich and the surrounding area quite a lot of late. Firstly there was a few weeks ago when me and Mr B just decided to go as I had a moment of upset and couldn’t do the London Dungeon. At the weekend I was in Greenwich to have a musical rehearsal at Greenwich College… the time where no one answered their phone and I was stuck outside for 45 minutes before buggering off home again.

This week I have been back in Charlton where I used to get very drunk with my lesbian friend Gill. We once were so drunk actually on New Years Eve that we missed our lift to work (at the Millennium Dome) and had to walk all the way before being sent home for being to ill to work and smelling of drink, whoops, those days are over… well during the week anyways. We had a musical rehearsal for the chorus and I now feel I am bonding more with people, its sad that the chorus seem to rehearse separate from everyone else, but I am not in charge so I should shut up. Tonight we were at Dawny Owl’s in Hackney and I was really late as the tubes closed and buses were a frigging nightmare. God bless London Transport.

The vocals are actually really good if I say so myself. I recorded them tonight after realising that my MP3 player can record live sound, I’ve only had the think a year! Tut! And I bought a bloody Dictaphone! Listening back it sounds quite good, I just need to learn the bloody dance routines again now!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Secret Bloggers

Did you watch that show tonight on Channel 4 about ‘Secret Sex Bloggers’? It was quite fascinating and quite strange. It was all about the women who put their sex lives on the net for the world to see, you know like Belle Du Jour. Speaking of her I am meant to be interviewing Billie Piper before Xmas as the DVD of ‘Diary of a Call Girl’ is out in January; naturally I have run out and bought her autobiography.

The main focus of the show was the woman who called herself Abby Lee or ‘Girl with a One Tracked Mind’. She started writing her blog whilst she was unemployed and wrote about her sexual fantasies, thoughts and encounters. Pretty soon she was getting thousands of hits per month and with that came a lot of press interest and a book deal. Then she was ‘outed’, I found that term slightly wrong but there we go, and her life was splashed in the papers and she went through a severe depression.

The Channel 4 show wasn’t as tastefully done as some can be with press people slagging certain bloggers off and there was a lot of naked woman typing on laptops with their norks out which I don’t imagine is what they do. I mean I think they are probably either sat in an internet cafĂ©, or in their pyjamas at their computer, but then that isn’t so sexy is it?

Part of me felt sorry for ‘Abby Lee’ and part of me didn’t. I mean to have your life so rudely looked into isn’t really fair and no one has done that to Belle Du Jour have they? Part of me also feels that anonymity should be a persons right. I don’t hide who I am, but then I don’t blog about how many cocks I have had and what they did and how large or not they were. Maybe I should I might get more readers? However if you are saying something explicit like Abby Lee or something evil like Naff Naff Queen Queen did people are naturally going to start saying ‘who is this’ or ‘do I know this person’ or ‘oh my god I bet you its…’ So in that light if your putting yourself out there maybe you should expect that people will look for you. Am I right?

It did make me think, well why do people blog? I blog as I am crap at keeping a diary, I want to remember things I have done or been through and maybe someone out there will smile or laugh or simply comment. I am not doing it for a book deal, if I wanted that I would write a book (well I am but that’s not the point) it’s an outlet for me and a chance for people, should they wish, to get to know me better. So why do you blog? Maybe this could be a piece for Bent? Send your answers to my inbox!

Friday, December 07, 2007

Simon As A Geisha

Tonight was the launch of a new bar in Soho called Geisha. I was lucky enough to be invited and naturally was really early so stood outside with Muffintop in the freezing cold. I should have been late isn’t that deemed the most fashionable thing to do, I always get it wrong. Damn.

Geisha has been advertising itself as one of the hottest night spots – but they all say that – to join Soho (even if technically its more Leicester Square) and is actually where the Ku Bar used to be. They had Jodie Harsh in the line up to DJ and promised a night of cheap drinks, well free until 9pm, and celebrities. It was kind of like that.

We dolled up and were greeted by the lovely PR people who were nice. Then I bumped into Heidilicious who is always very friendly even if after meeting me several times she never remembers me ha-ha! We grabbed a free cocktail, mine was blue and looked pretty revolting but tasted gorgeous sadly I drank so many I cant remember what the bugger was called as I could do with another one now. Jodie Harsh arrived in a blaze of photos and got on with the DJ-ing. I have to say her set was brilliant with a wicked remix of ‘2 Hearts’ and ‘Gimme More’ playing.

Celeb wise? Nikki Graham was at the bar, she is soooooooo small and cute, she looked thoroughly bored, looked at me said ‘hello?’ I said ‘hello’ back and that was me done with. She then threw her drink over one of the guests accidentally which made me laugh. Michelle from the Apprentice came, scanned the area and left, enough said. Then I kept seeing people I sort of might have known.

Oh the bar itself… silly me. It’s very pink. It’s not very Japanese or Chinese. They have quite fabulous wallpaper. The bar is something to behold all neon pink lights and an amazing set of lights (I can’t quite describe them) above. The only downside is that the staircase is really wide and so the bar is really far forward so trying to get past people was a slight logistical nightmare as the queued at the bar. Oh and weirdly the toilets are in the Chinese Mall next door so you have to go out the bar upstairs and into the mall to have a wee, not actually in the mall obviously.

Highlight of the night – Really drunk vile sleazy man tried chatting me up at the bar. He then followed me upstairs with his friend and kept trying to talk to Muffintop she simply said ‘not interested, never’ isn’t she fabulous and a bit evil lol.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

It's Panto Time... Again

Had another rehearsal for Panto tonight and finally got to meet the rest of the cast who seem really nice. A lot of people seem to know each other through OUT Everywhere so a few times I felt a bit of a waif and stray but I think I’ll get there. I do find it weird though that with new people I go so quiet. If I am interviewing someone for Bent then you can’t shut me up and I am calm and confident. Shove me in a room with lots of new people and I clam up, it’s ridiculous. I need to get drunk with them all.

Nothing much else to report to be honest, a certain situation still hasn’t resolved itself but I am sure it will soon. Part of me feels sick at the thought of it another part of me just wants it all over and done with and a fresh new start in 2008. The ‘r’ word was mentioned, I had already gone from that second.

Monday, December 03, 2007


So the big day arrived, after a weekend of watching Torchwood from start to finish, I went to the Rex Cinema to see the first episode of Series Two. Or season two actually, since when did we get so American? It’s a good start it has to be said, and its going to BBC2 and the kids can watch an edited version. The man on man actions not being edited the violence is, and that’s the way it should be frankly! Was a lot of waiting around but the people at the Beeb were gorgeous and ever so friendly, you could tell by 4pm they wanted out!

Interviewed Russell T. Davies who was bloody lovely and gave me an awesome quote scathing Madonna, Eve Myles was awesome and I would happily take her on as a new fag hag anytime she should desire it. John Barrowman was nice but had just had a vile interview with some div who said he couldn’t act… leaving me a slightly wary and edgy interviewee, we had a laugh and I got all I wanted.

The Rex Cinema is really nice and they laid on a really nice breakfast, I shared eve’s lunch we were dipping as we gossiped, was great. Have realised that I couldn’t write a Torchwood as my theory for the end of the series is well off. I won’t give anything away. Oh but I think I am allowed to say that Rose is coming back! Yay! Check out next months Bent for my interview with Russell and then it all goes Torchwood mad for February’s edition and see’s the most Simon in a Bent issue yet! Hurrah!