Saturday, September 15, 2007

Who Dunnit?

September 14th 2007

Random day today not much has actually happened and yet lots of stuff seems to have happened which is a bit bizarre. Mr B woke me up this morning panicking about the interview he had today. I am highly dubious on the whole thing as I think anyone who asks you to work a few hours free as ‘training’ is so not reputable, unless its an internship. Long story short he was offered it and has turned it down, he was unimpressed.

Who Dunnit 1: I had a furious phone call with the manager of the post sorting office. They have lost a parcel which Mitch sent me back on the 3rd. No one can find it, apparently it contained chocolate kittens and a book called ‘Simon’s Lady’ Mitch is most concerned how she can get another copy of the book, I am concerned on missing out on chocolate kittens. We are aligned on the fact that we think that some bugger has eaten it all and is now reading ‘Simon’s Lady’ in bed with a hot cocoa. The bugger, the question is who? I can claim a loss, so I bloody well will.

I need to buy some new shirts, have decided when I am back at work I am so gonna change. No more Simon Soft Touch, no more ‘Simon Says Yes’ so I need a better look, watch out peoples. Speaking of work…

Who Dunnit 2: Muffintop and G came round this afternoon for visiting, it was lovely. Well bar when G said ‘can you imagine if you had never even had an operation?’ I didn’t find it funny, but they didn’t either when I showed them a picture of my wound, ha! We were having some lovely shallow conversations about allsorts of rubbish when the whole ‘Madeline’ thing came up. I have, you may have noticed, been very quiet on the whole of this. I have two theories either ‘the mum dunnit’ or she’s being stitched up. Yes is called sitting on the fence. We had quite a heavy discussion on it which then turned to gun crime, suicide bombers and then a debate on The Bible and religion in general. Who says two gays and girls can’t discuss hard hitting issues?

I tried a Toblerone Fruit & Nut today, its quite nice surprisingly; I thought it might be too much of a thing.

I went to the internet cafĂ© after everyone left (its fine to go out a bit, can you imagine me with no fresh air or space from the flat, erm no thanks) and got a text off Boone saying ‘Loving the grey hoody’ he had driven past me on an escape mission from London, would have been nice to see him, random that though isn’t it?

Who Dunnit 3: Have finished Susan Hill’s ‘The Various Haunts of Men’ enjoyed it so much more than the first time. Actually, I don’t think it was not liking it that made me not finish it, I just didn’t finish it. I will do a small review for you below (and no I don’t have to say nice things just because I am on her course, I will be honest, she most certainly is) next is some homework. Yes I will be getting into bed with Graham Greene tonight the lucky swine. Am going to read ‘The End Of The Affair’ as a first try of his works, I am hoping its as good as Susan and my Gran have been saying. Muffintop is getting in on the act taking it to Sri Lanka with her!

Oh Gran sent me a cutting on GG from the Guardian this week, I love it. She gives away the ends of books and also sends me cuttings when I am only supposed to base my thoughts on his work not him (as I told her) she does it from love though and that’s very sweet. Bong is having another three blood transfusions today, I am debating when I should next see him, I have been told sooner rather than later.
The neighbour downstairs has got a kitten, its really bloody cute as I found when I saw it running over my roof terrace, then the neighbour ran across the terrace too, not so cute… the trespassing bastard! Ha, ha!

Friday, September 14, 2007

The New Desperate Housewife...

September 13th 2007

...Should frankly be me because I would be brilliant, I could be the one who goes to new levels of boredom and routine and goes crazy. Yes, the lack of sleep (awake at 3am, 4.30am, 5am and 6.30-8.30am) is finally driving me to distraction. It’s the nightmares that are causing me problems, I seem to get off to sleep and then I have these really vivid bad dreams, maybe it’s the penicillin? (I was put on some more yesterday in case these stitches that wouldn’t dissolve caused any issues.) It could also be that with Bong being ill, being over tired and waiting for the results has made my head a bit full and its just trying to find its way out.

Anyways it’s turning me crazy. That plus the fact that the plumber has been meant to be coming to sort the leak from upstairs, and fit my new showers for the last two weeks. I was promised he would show up today by both him and the landlord and shock horror he didn’t. He better be worth it when he does and be a complete hottie who sweats a lot has a skin head and likes to plumb topless ha! Now that would be a story from Desperate Housewives.

As would my mental morning, I woke up from 6.30 for two hours and read, I am enjoying this Susan Hill lots more second time round and have gotten well past the 80th page this time. I then slept again until about half ten. I then woke up and debated which pair of pyjama bottoms to wear for 25 minutes, I only own three pairs. Next up in my loopy few hours was making coffee and tea together and it’s not very nice, especially with salt not sugar, I kid you not. I then decided to do a wash and put the washing powder in the microwave, yes dear readers I have lots the plot! I decided that going back to reading my book was the safest thing for everyone, so I shut myself in the book and avoided the world. Oh apart from when I phoned the plumber who had apparently been round (he f-ing hadn’t) so I phoned and moaned at the landlord.

G phoned to check in on some stuff with me, we had a nice chat. Best thing was I got a text from Campbell (we haven’t seen each other for 3.5 years) he has been in London the whole summer and thought he offended me in a prior email, I told him I would have said if he had, believe me I would. Anyway he ended up coming round tonight and it was so not weird! We sat and chatted and caught up and just hung out… with cups of tea! Yes Desperate Middle Aged Housewives. He’s sadly given up both the music (he sung and wrote – I have his CD) and the writing which he reckons he wasn’t good enough at, it is quite sad I think. He seems really happy though, he doesn’t love Birmingham, with his house in the UK and house in Dallas, jammy sod.

Oh I received a lovely parcel from Big Sis, it was a copy of Lance Armstrong’s book ‘Not About The Bike’ which is all about his journey with cancer and his survival, she sent it me as it’s a positive story, something to help me with what’s going on, if that’s what it is! Enough of that though, don’t want to be miserable.

So that’s that really, right I am off to finish ‘The Various Haunts of Men’ with a nice cup of tea and some sleeping tablets, yes I could be my own show today!
September 12th 2007

I have watched another two films one I was really disappointed with and the other I was really impressed with. (Yes it was Wednesday which meant that the DVD shop does everything under half price.)

I had been told by several people that I should see The History Boys by Alan Bennett. I think he is a highly talented writer but sadly I really didn’t like the movie. I was bored really (I actually fell asleep after the incident with the lollipop lady) I didn’t give a monkeys if the boys ended up in Oxford, Cambridge or on the dole. I thought it was trying to hard to make a point and trying far too hard to make a point when actually I found it alienating. So that’s my views on that one.

The other film I hired purely for the possible car crash movie it could be was ‘Factory Girl’. I have heard of Edie Sedgwick and was interested to learn more about her, I also wanted to see if Sienna Miller is any good. She bloody is, I now don’t give a toss what people say (yes I do think the over hyped Sienna we hear of is way too much) she can really act. Well, in this she could at any rate. I have to say having watched some interviews with the real Edie she was pretty much spot on. I didn’t find her effected I found her engaging. The story is the rise and dramatic fall of Edie S. I didn’t know she was from ‘old money’ or about her horrific childhood, it documents her tragic life superbly! I highly recommend this movie, and Guy Pierce as brilliant as the bitchy warped Andy Warhol. It has changed my opinion of Sienna completely.

Like Pulling Teeth

September 12th 2007

I hate the dentist and I am starting to feel that way about the hospital now. I had to go to St Helier to get some of my disposable stitches out. Did they not dispose? No they bloody didn’t and they were getting tighter and tighter and making me bleed, and frankly I didn’t want another infection, so they had to come out.

I have described it on this blog before I think but I will do it again, it is like someone pulling out your hairs (and as fun as having teeth pulled) only really, really slowly and with as much evil intent as possible, ok maybe that’s a slight dramatisation. There weren’t even any attractive nurses to make the horror more bearable. Oh I am glad to hear everyone on my team has started using my ‘I Can’t Bare It’! Someone else probably said it first but I have a special way!

I then went on a mission to find out what the hell was happening with my biopsy results, seriously I have not heard a dickey bird on them. Guess why… it wouldn’t be the fault of my lame ass doctors would it? Not the ones who don’t even have a Practise Manager? Yes, it so could. As like someone else they have meant to been corresponding with they haven’t been liaising with me or the hospital. I have to go back to the original hospital that referred me (as my doctors couldn’t – shock and horror there) and I have an appointment on Monday first thing so you will be hearing more from me then.

Bong isn’t doing too well by the sounds of it; he is really low with another three blood transfusions needed. I am shattered after my exertions today. Oh, I haven’t started a Graham Greene yet, have started a Susan Hill though. It’s ‘The Various Haunts of Men’ and I read about 80 pages before and stopped, I can’t remember why? I’ll let you know if it comes back to me.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Visitors & Graham Greene

September 11th 2007

I have had two lovely visitors today. First to arrive was The Ex, he came with gifts they were orange juice, cat litter and some bog roll. Not the most exciting of gifts if you aren’t me, I had however asked for these and so I was thrilled. We sat and had some coffee and planned what we are going to do for the anniversary of Thisbie’s (Hoydens sister) death next week. I am also debating how well I will be next week and see if I can have the final days of my recuperation up north with Bong. Gran didn’t seem too impressed with the idea.

Muffintop came round last night for a highly unhealthy meal. We gorged ourselves on dough balls, chicken and pesto pizza and cheesecake. We put the world to rights over some fizzy elderflower (I can’t drink, bless penicillin) discussing Anita Roddick’s death, the Madeline case, the anniversary of 9/11 and what on earth Jodie Marsh was wearing at her wedding. I needed to put something light hearted at the end of all that. We also had some lovely chocolates to eat but couldn’t manage them, shame I will have to polish them off myself. Actually I might keep them for her return on Friday with G. They both love some gorgeous chocolates.

Finished Queen Camilla, I really like Sue Townsend so I don’t want to slag it off but I really didn’t like the final six chapters, it all felt too hurried and also didn’t really follow the message she was conveying from the start. I loved ‘The Queen & I’ and this is technically a sequel, the idea of the royal family being escorted to a council estate after being abolished is brilliant. Also the dogs which were funny at the beginning became really too far fetched at the end and my bubble of belief was lost. I am sending a copy to my Gran to hopefully cheer her up; also she looks the spitting image of Camilla, ha.

Next to read will be some Graham Greene. I am going to shockingly admit I have never read any of his work. What with that and not knowing what ‘succinctly’ meant maybe proves I am not literate enough to do this course? I had a copy of Brighton Rock I don’t know where it has gone. It wouldn’t matter, its not one of the ones Susan has asked us to read. Yes it’s another mission. We have to read one or more of his works she has requested us try ‘The Heart of The Matter’, ‘A Burnt Out Case’, ‘The Quiet American’ or ‘The End of the Affair’.

Mr B managed to get me the latter two in a second hand shop. I was quite impressed, if I ask him o get me something it’s usually a little bit wrong in some way. He’s so sweet though he did that and got all the food for me and Muffintop, gorgeous. The only thing about Graham Greene is I really wanted to read Julie Walters book next. Oh the decisions. I have also been trying to think of ways of getting to know people on the course as we haven’t met face to face as yet and wont be for a while I don’t think. Any suggestions welcome.

“Grip It Harder Joyce, It’s Not a Strippers Cock”

September 10th 2007

I have found a new joy in my life. It’s called Suburban Shootout and has completely thrown my read a book a day scheme, as Mr B went and got me the whole of series one on DVD.

It all started last week when I was bored on Thursday night and decided to give the first of the second series of Suburban Shootout a go, I haven’t laughed so much in ages. The idea (and one I so wish I had thought of) is based around Tupperware and Guns. No, really. It is all based in a fiction idyllic town called Little Stempington, there is no crime, no graffiti and no council houses. The reason? There are two mafia gangs who happen to be seven of the local housewives who rule the town with fear, one is good only doing it for the good of the area, the other is bad, they supply drugs, gigolo’s etc to other housewives for ridiculous prices, don’t buy and you die. It’s very, very, very funny. The sort of humour people who loved Green Wing will like. The title of my blog is my favourite line in episode one.

I am genuinely in awe of the writers; it’s a very original idea turning the heads on stereotypes. Its not like Desperate Housewives in any way sadly they are naturally comparing it to that though.

Other than that and listening to KT Tunstall’s new effort I have not a lot to add. I haven’t managed to finish Queen Camilla yet, it’s really making me laugh. Not too sure where it is going with all the talking dogs and I cant decide if I like that side of it or not, one bit with the dogs did make me laugh for about 10 minutes (ouch on my remaining stitches) so the jury is still out! No news on Bong he seems to be up and down really.

I Was So Bored Today I Did This...

September 7th 2007
Thats right I shaved it all off, well it kept me entertained for a while!

Bored Of Being Bored

September 6th 2007

Oh my god for some reason today I have been totally bored. It had been wavering on the sidelines of boredom in my brain; I thought I had managed to keep it at bay. Sadly today I went a bit crazy. I haven’t been sleeping (nightmares and pain) and I think it all hit me. I know you are all probably thinking ‘what about day time TV, what about all those books you have to read’ there is only so much of both that I can take. I tried to get into 24 again and its half worked, actually that’s I lie, I half watched one and then switched it off. Least I can have long baths eh – and get bloody bored in them too. The depressed feeling has been wafting in and out a little also. I am trying to keep that at bay as much as possible.

I did watch three fabulous films though yesterday (my video shop is half price on Wednesdays and is invariably the only day I use it) the first was ‘The Painted Veil’ I had no desire to see this at the cinema or get it on DVD, Mr B hired these babies so I just got what I was given. It’s brilliant and has made me want to read the book, it tells of a doctor (Edward Norton) who marries a woman (Naomi Watts) who doesn’t really love him and cheats on him when they move to China. As punishment he takes them both to where the outbreak of cholera is and they deal with the consequences, it’s moving heartbreaking and superbly acted. Loved it! *****

‘Babel’ was really weird and I only half heartedly watched it. It all makes perfect sense at the end but through most of it you are very confused as to what a woman shot in the desert, a deaf Chinese girl who doesn’t wear any knickers and some Hispanic people on the run with some children all have to do with each other. Cate Blanchett was superb as ever, Brad Pitt looked hot!

‘Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus’ was brilliant. It was a tale of the photographer Diane Arbus and how she came to take pictures. Nicole Kidman played Diane and was superb; I rate Nicole Kidman quite highly as an actress. Robert Downey Junior played her mysterious neighbour who changes her life forever and is covered head to toe in Fur, another very moving and much overlooked movie. Loved it also. All are worth watching.

I did finish the House of Riverton yesterday. I am not sure what I think at all. Because of the delightful Richard & Judy it has sold absolute bucket loads and I am not sure it’s the masterpiece it claims to be. To me it was Atonement with The Thirteenth Tale and some Daphne Du Maurier thrown in for good measure. She also likes to throw in some of her in depth outlooks on life ‘time is a ticking clock’ and ‘people who see fortune tellers are unhappy in their present’. I liked it, I wasn’t astounded by it.

I have started ‘Our Betty’ this morning it’s the autobiography/memoirs of Liz Smith the wonderful actor who played Mrs Cropley in The Vicar of Dibley and also ‘Nan’ in The Royle Family. Its very sweet simple and funny, I will have probably finished it by the end of the day. In fact maybe to get through the boredom I should try and read a book a day? I’ll let you know how I get on.

Michelle & Simon’s Children’s Guide to Feminism & World War II

September 5th 2007

Not really the catchiest title to a book I think you will agree it could however be the title for Mitch and my joint venture for our children’s book the project called ‘COPL’. The reason (I don’t want to give too much away about the book yet) is because of some background we have been doing for the project.

Back in July Mitch and I set ourselves the latest goals for the book. These were to write a few scenes, do character biog's and work out what a certain character was… by that I mean what creature a certain character is. It may sound weird that we are going off and doing this separately but we have come up with some great stuff that the other will just give that extra something! A match made in heaven really, one of the newest characters I will divulge, is Siamese Twins… that’s all I am saying for now.

So how does feminism and WWII get into a kids book, well it’s another new character biog that created a whole new twist. We now have a possible a story before the story, though as yet thankfully not fleshy enough to be a prequel, you never know. The character having lived through WWII became actually being an even older person (old people fascinate me – I mean that in such a positive way) who has survived WWI also and is actually a lot older and full of many more secrets than would appear. Mitch then went into an epic chat that they could therefore been through the woman’s suffering etc and I said ‘hang on, this isn’t the children’s guide to feminism, or war’ we laughed for ages. Our next update is on the 18th so I’ll aim for you to have another bit of COPL update then.

I was meant to be back at work today, I’m obviously not. I am actually really missing it but also cacking myself about going back.

Had a wonderfully long chat with Big Sis sometimes you know exactly why you need siblings and what’s so good about them. She is going through a cancer scare at the moment also (cancer, cancer everywhere) and we chatted for a good few hours (she had a wee break… on the phone) she has finally started a blog (hoorah) you can see it at check it out she’s fabulous, but I would say that! Her blog is going to be about what she is going through (she’ll probably be better than me) and other stuff. Blog’s are great; we discussed that fact for twenty minutes, the diaries of the future.

My Writing Is On Course

September 4th 2007

The creative writing course I am on started today. I may have mentioned it to you all before, I am now on the author Susan Hill’s course. It started officially today. Before I get any comments of ‘you’re ill you shouldn’t be doing any courses, you’re not at work so you shouldn’t be going to a lecture’, currently I don’t have to leave my flat to do my work. We receive a notification of all work in our inbox’s and then have a deadline to email our work back. I have the feeling that my first project might be a little late, I can send a sick note maybe? I am ill after all.

First mission is to go through books we haven’t read (a lot of books) and read no more than the first paragraph and find six books we are desperate to read and three we are desperate not to, we need to write who its by what it is and why we want to read/don’t want to read it.

Oh and no, I don’t have to even go to the library, as those of you who have been to mine will know I have about 200+ books I haven’t read yet. On that note I shall say farewell as I have some research to do.


September 3rd 2007

Has anyone started watching that new channel 4 show ‘Dumped’? It has been a bit gripping. Could not believe one of the contestants would wear a new pair of pants everyday and then throw them away, just ridiculous.

The premise for the show is that 10 volunteers are on an ‘eco mission’ most of them assumed it would be in Australia or the Amazon or something like that. They were then literally dumped on a Rubbish Dump somewhere near Croyden. On the first night they had a shelter but tonight’s saw them having to build there own and one has already left.

It reminded me of when I worked for Onyx total waste. It was a company in Hilsea in Hampshire (back in my Portsmouth days) I temped there and then ended up with a permanent job. Part of the training was to get sent out with the lads who dealt with all the skips and also the ones who deal with the local household waste. The latter was by far the worst. Skip sites are less in your face they leave a full skip for someone else to deal with and then get an empty one to deposit somewhere else. The worst of all the skips were the ones from the cruise ships, boy did they stink. However my second day of training held much worse in store.

I was up at bout 4am to be picked up at 5am. Not nice when you’re a bit of a surely 18 year old. I then had to don the ridiculously unflattering attire they wear all steel toe caps and fluorescents. Collecting the rubbish is easy but the amount people create over a week on one road does actually shock you (and this was 7 years ago) when you get to the tip it’s another thing all together. The smell is horrific, and the volume of waste is just astounding. Also what people through away, I love random rubbish so I could have spent months finding treasures (or the odd snake as they have on Dumped, some of the guys at Onyx used to find cat and dog bodies in the waste) on there as there are some good things people chuck. Now some of you will understand why I am such a recycling bore. Onyx planned to build three pyramids of waste that would be covered and turned into an attraction with Hampshire Council sadly this has never seen the light of day.

What I have loved about Dumped is the fact they show you the good stuff people do chuck, also the amount that could be recycled. Plastic bottles will degrade after around 60 years tin cans wont for hundreds and hundreds of years and that’s only if they come in contact with water and start to rust, also both these things can be recycled. Mr B thinks I am some kind of recycling Hitler, I even recycle receipts and price tags from clothes I have bought, I just think if you can recycle it bloody do it. They have found some treats on that programme and started to build a proper kitchen and house, its amazing. I hope they all last the three weeks, I wish I had known it was happening I would have volunteered.
Please watched Dumped, it will show you what our world waste is doing to just a small part of the country.

Hello, It's Hoyden

September 1st 2007
Hello let me introduce myself; I am Hoyden Simon’s cat. I am a girl moggy who spends most of the day sleeping blissfully and looking cute and then spends the night time waking Simon and Mr B (I like him now, he feeds me, I used to wee on his clothes and bite his nose in the night) up with continuous demands of food, milk or attention. I do have my own myspace but in his drugged state he has left his laptop open and on all night and so I thought I would write a more true account of what Simon has been like since his operation.

He came home acting very strange and got straight into bed and slept a lot, this is unacceptable behaviour as during the day the bed is quite obviously mine! I let this go as frankly he smelt funny, a bit like bleach and toilet cleaner he had obviously been somewhere very strange. He was demanding full English and tea within 2 hours so I was pretty sure that he was going to get over this strange phase.

He’s since been acting a bit oddly with demands of cuddles from me and then being very cross when I wake him up or walk all over him. He also picks up his books and then puts them down again in the space of 5 minutes with his hand on his head looking vexed, normally his nose is never out of a bloody book. His bossy nature hasn’t stopped, he forced Mr B out to buy shelves and wardrobe and other bits he’s been meaning to buy for months, cheeky bugger. I am quite pleased as I’ve learnt to climb the wardrobe and can sit happily at the top, I like being at the highest point, I know everything that’s going on.

Visitors have been popping in which is nice. No ones brought me any bloody treats though which is so unfair, I am so much cuter than Simon, he just sits in his bed boring everyone with his woes. Tut. Oh he’s woken up again so I must dash, his sleeping pattern has gotten worse than mine, and he doesn’t seem to sleep during the day or during the night, what an oddball. Oh he didn’t wake up he was just having bad dreams, another common occurrence, maybe I should go and wake him, I mean I haven’t been fed for at least 40 minutes.

Some Light Relief

August 31st 2007

I didn’t have anything to say yesterday. I spent the whole day trying to finish The Secret History. The good news is I did and I really enjoyed it, I might start doing again and reviewing books and the like, frankly I have been reading this one for so long that I think I need a little space from it. I started the next book group choice today, another long one (oo-er missus) ‘The House At Riverton, have only read the first two chapters but it seems quite good even if a little too Atonement, and that was the last book group choice by moi!

Had some visitors today, hoorah, Muffintop and G came round with gifts from everyone at work which was so nice of them all. I had a bouquet of gorgeous pink (how appropriate) flowers and a lovely pink pot plant. Danny Shite and his wife had bought me a beautiful pink orchid. It’s absolutely gorgeous. There were also lots and lots of chocolate from Thornton’s. I am now thinking that this should be a prerequisite for all visitors who are coming around any time in the future. So if you are planning to then these are the conditions. I am actually missing work a bit, I am trying to appreciate all the time I am having to recuperate though. I haven’t started to feel bored… yet.

I am feeling pain. It’s high. Going to the toilet is excruciating and that’s really not an exaggeration. I am also on the grumpiest of mood swings I think even I have ever endured! I cant help it I just keep snapping, bed rest is also my least favourite thing, I want to be off wandering around the shops. As G reminded me today, how embarrassing would it be if my stitches ripped open in public?

I Survived!

August 29th 2007

I am sat in bed feeling incredibly grumpy and like someone has kicked me in a delicate place over and over and over again. The good news is I have had the operation, I almost chickened out. I could see G’s face for a brief second and remembered that she had threatened to do the operation herself with a paperclip if I didn’t get it done and that helped me change my mind. The whole day did once again prove how inept my doctors are.

I arrived early at 8am shaking like a leaf (general anaesthetics freak me out) and Mr B was being really sweet. He came up to the waiting area with me and then went home again and from mine to surrey is quite a trek. I then went and spoke to the nurse and said how originally I had been offered both general and local anaesthetic and wanted to change to the latter, she said someone would see me; I was first on the list and not to worry. I may also have had a small weep about my granddad and needing to go home as soon as possible. I was then sent to wait. It seemed to be a lifetime.

We were all taken through to a ward with our own beds; I was the youngest there by about twenty years. Everyone was there to have something done downstairs and were all a little too eager to share their stories. Who says men are scared to talk about their privates, it was all men together, very weird. The anaesthetist then came and saw me and said if the surgeon said local was ok he would do it, the surgeon came and said he wasn’t. The minute I had to think about it went forever but I thought sod it and said lets do it, I wasn’t waiting any longer this has taken months.

We had to undress and put on those flattering NHS robes. I sat in a very gentlemanly fashion making sure everything was not hanging out, why I bothered I don’t know as everyone else was letting everything hang free something I will try never to recall the image of ever again. Some other bugger got taken in first, I was meant to be first. Time ticked by, I tried to read more of Donna Tart’s ‘The Secret History’ a book I’ve been trying to read for three weeks to read. I know it’s a big old book but three weeks, that’s atrocious. I was interrupted by ‘Mr Savidge they are ready for you’. I got into the bed and was wheeled to my destiny; ha I love how dramatic I made that sound.

I was wheeled through most of the hospital and then into the ‘pre-op’ room. In my past experience this is the room where they knock you out, not this day. Firstly they said that they weren’t as ready as they said. I could see this was true as through the slated windows on the door in front of me I could see the surgeon and anaesthetist doing the previous person. I had to wait for thirty minutes.

Once in the operating theatre I could nicely see all the delightful implements they were going to be using on me. I was introduced to people I had no idea who they were or what they did but they all seemed friendly. The anaesthetist then came and spoke to me, asking me to check out the view from the window to my left, we were six stories up and it was good, it was also sneaky as they put the drip and pre-anaesthetic drug in while they did that. I could suddenly taste spearmint in the back of my throat and then felt very drunk. I remember them saying that I was going to have the general injected, and then a nurse told me that it had all gone well and I was wheeled back to my ward. Then the pain hit. Ouch! I started crying and demanding they phone my Gran and shouting the number out, they did call her you know, they were great.An hour later I was all packed (how I had a jockstrap on I do not know) and we waited for Mr B. We waited, and waited and waited. Another hour later he showed, he had been sat in the main reception waiting for me, I was strangely unimpressed. A nurse came to the toilet with me for what was the most painful wee I have ever been for in my life. Gravity and that specially placed wound don’t mix. It’s actually at the moment the worst thing about the whole experience. Ok, tired now must sleep, and finish this bloody book!

How To Make A Simon Feel Better...

August 27th 2007

I think I am a bit of a spoilt brat; I woke up this morning wanting a flat screen TV, so I went and got one. No it’s not quite like that. I actually woke up a bit of an emotional wreck, Mr B is so lucky, feeling overwhelmed by the operation and upset because of my granddad. My next thought was ‘oh shit, I really need to see when I have to stop eating and what I might actually need for tomorrow.

Good news, I could eat until midnight… binge time. Bad news, I don’t own a dressing gown or slippers! So I HAD to go shopping. Primark let me down they had no dressing gowns (they did have some slippers and some lovely t-shirts), M&S was stupidly expensive, so I headed to the shopping centre near Colliers Wood. Next didn’t have dressing gowns, it also didn’t have the bag I wanted in the window which the assistant went and looked at, shrugged and went to lunch. TK Maxx also let me down. Sainsbury’s brought me a right treat… and a surprise.

I was happily walking through men’s clothes when I heard ‘Simon?’ It was Vicky who I used to work with at the Apollo Vic. When she started she was a gothic lesbian from heaven, she then slept with my straight mate Bell and is now blonde, a mum and getting married to a man. Crazy world hey? I wasn’t that shocked as The Ex always keeps me informed of ex staff from the Apollo who work for him at his theatre, a lot of them end up there believe me. I hope I am well enough for Thriller when it goes there. So we had a catch up and it was really nice, she asked about Bell, I said hadn’t seen her in years but that she was now a fully fledged lesbian and had her own show at some theatres in town… now you know who the friend is, if you are an avid reader that is!
Mr B announced he was starving as we passed Argos, its deadly that place. I simply went in to see if they had a new mini mp3 player I wanted and after a delicious Pizza Hut went back and came out with a flat screen TV. I think its justified, I need a good TV for the two weeks I will be recovering. I am shitting my pants about tomorrow.

Up & Down (The Country & Emotionally)

August 26th 2007

I haven’t written for a while as I haven’t been in London and I simply haven’t had the energy. After the shocking news on Wednesday I did a days work on the Thursday and then asked for some leave to go back up north on Friday.

I booked the journey to Chesterfield, Bong has been moved to Sheffield, I couldn’t be arsed to get the extra stop added to my mounting train bills and no one checked my tickets so it was fine. I felt a little bit naughty. Bong was having a camera put through his groin to have a look at the liver so Matt met me from the station and we went to find him a suit for Alice’s wedding. It’s in just over a month so how the hell she is coping is a mystery to all of us. Mr B knew I was really down in the dumps when I phoned him to say I had been in to a Primark store and not bought a single thing! I was very impressed with how Sheffield is doing itself up, very swish and fabulous. We had fish and chips in Debenhams… interesting is the word I would describe for that meal. We then went to the hospital.

Those of you who know me well will know that I HATE lifts (I don’t like flying so those tickets to Australia are going to be interesting) and Bong was nicely situated on the ninth floor. Matt & I decided to walk it! Matt tried to be a clever arse and run, I was knackered, after my op I am so joining the gym. Bong still hadn’t been done, he was sat in bed looking as well as he always does which is sort of disturbing. He had the most amazing view, people would pay for that, it was a close call as to whether or not he had a better view than Aunty Pat when she was at St Thomas’s. She had Big Ben outside her window. We sat with him while he waited, I cried. He always gives you the ‘why are you crying’ look the cheeky bugger. Eventually they came and got him, we’d sent Gran off with Caroline as we thought she needed the break, joining them later for a coffee and then one of the mintiest mint choc chip ice creams I have ever eaten in the museum gardens. Sitting there in the sun watching life go by, kids playing in the grass, it suddenly seemed so surreal.

We were soon back chatting (after a horrific lift journey) and he said that camera’s through your groin are a doddle, he’s rock hard is Bong. A Macmillan nurse came and spoke to us, he is so flippant which again made me cry asking ‘as I don’t have much time left will I be comfortable during the last days of my life?’ As I type this I have started again, it comes in waves we have all been saying that. One minute you feel like it’s all a joke and not happening, the next you are so aware of the small amount of time you have left it is all consuming. We left home shortly after that.

Yesterday I stayed in the house. Was pleased to see I was in the top three of Susan Hill’s quiz on matching modern books with the new. I was also shocked, I love books and writing I also admit to not being the most literal or well read of people. I hovered, answered the phone (one call to Aunty Pat lasted an hour, I am worried for her she is normally a trouper but this has tipped her over the edge – I think it has for all of us) and getting the door to some lovely old ladies. The reason I stayed home is he has been allowed home again. This is hopefully for good, he will now be given weekly amounts of morphine to keep at home (Alice and I debated stealing some, Matt and I had wanted to get high on some on the Friday night – well it would give us a laugh). Patrick and Alice brought him back and then Patrick and I went shopping for odds and sods including compost for Gran. While we were out Bong had a funny turn. I think the next few days/weeks are going to be like living on a knife edge.

Now it’s Sunday and I am home. It seems all so weird. Sat this morning looking at Riber, Mason and the huge valley before us (their view is amazing) that I found it hard to believe that I would be in London this afternoon, yet here I am. One good thing was that it was Muffintop’s Birthday on Saturday so she had a picnic party in Regents Park; Mr B had been there all afternoon (Muffintop was over an hour late) he met me from the station and took me to meet everyone. It was actually very good for me; you need a bit of real life after the horrors of what’s going on. Kayke, Mitch and Mew were all there so that was nice.
After having hardly had any time with Mr B for the last few weeks we went to Balan’s for dinner which was lovely. He has two weeks off from his job and is doing internship at my work. The idea was we would get more time together for two weeks, it hasn’t worked out like that at all, tonight was nice though, now only just over 24 hours until my operation, life never stops getting better.

Bad News On Brick Lane

August 23rd 2007

I had never been to Brick Lane until last night (strangely I wont forget it) isn’t it weird that you can live in London for eight years and have never ever been to some of the most famous parts of it. I have to say I wasn’t sure what to expect but I think it’s awesome. It’s a part of London that I most definitely want to go back to and explore some more; I think the fact that I love curry might also be in there somewhere.

Sadly my night went through a low patch when I phoned Alice to find out if she was coming to London tomorrow. She told me the news on Bong (as no one had thought to phone me, well they emailed me to tell me ‘urgent’) and it’s really not good. He definitely has secondary liver cancer this came primarily from the kidney. The prognosis is shocking, its days or weeks. If Mr B hadn’t been out I think I would have just broken down, it was Spanielle’s special day and I didn’t want to ruin it or make anyone feel low so I ate a stupid amount of curry and Smith made me laugh my ass off weird how the world goes on.

The reason that we were out was for the delicious Spanielle’s birthday, we started at a bar that was like a converted warehouse, went to the ‘Standard Curry House’ – why would you call your restaurant standard? The Excellence Curry House would be so much better, and the food was awesome. Kayke made me laugh, she made a hilarious video for me on my phone of her bouncing on a chair, if you saw it you would laugh, I’ve threatened to youtube it, the threat of never seeing my privates again has put me off. We then ended up in a bar that used to be some big Georgian Manor.

I left early, went home, and had a good old cry on Mr B’s chest.

I Cant Read Whats Wrong With Me?

August 22nd 2007

I had a letter from Gran which made me cry for about an hour today. It was telling me how wonderful I had been over the last few weeks. It was very, very sweet but it upset me quite a lot.

Normally if things weren’t as they are me and my Gran would be having our updates on the phone of what we are reading. We are both complete bookworms, so is my mum however we don’t discuss what we have just been reading very often. My gran and I are another thing altogether, we can discuss books for hours, its fabulous, apart from when she gives away the ending of a book that you’ve just started as happened when I was ten pages into The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood, I stopped reading it once I knew the end.

Unfortunately at the moment we have both been struck by something quite alien to us. Neither of us can concentrate on a book (maybe why I thought the best selling Tunnels is complete rubbish and didn’t finish it?) I have never experienced this before. I am desperately trying to read The Secret History a book I have a wonderfully loved second hand copy of and I have been waiting to read (I have some books I want to read so much I put them off and put them off) I have managed to get a grasp on it but read more than ten pages in one go, you must be joking. I know it’s the stress of everything that’s going on but I could really do with some escapism. Help!

Still no news on how he is doing which is hard, it’s the not knowing what can be done or how long we have that’s doing my head in, tomorrow is the day that we will know exactly what’s going on. Guess you will hear from me then.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Bongy The Great & Esmerelda The Witch

August 21st 2007

I haven’t really done much work today, ok that’s a bit extreme. I have done the level of work that is satisfactory under the circumstances, does that sound ok? It’s very hard when you have to sit and manage everyone on your team, manage yourself work wise whilst also managing small crying stints in the toilets. Thank goodness my work toilets aren’t shit holes (well not literally anyways) and I could just escape for a few minutes to collect my thoughts.

I don’t think many people understand why I am so upset about Bong (my Granddad) as most people of my generation aren’t that close to their grandparents (I have to say I have noticed that children who are from single parent upbringing or from divorced families are an exception) and most of their grandparents are old and they understand that they will die within the next decade etc. Bong isn’t like a normal granddad, he’s like my dad (no offence to my dad, or deceased step dad or alive one – gosh this is complicated) my grandparents spent half a year each year bringing me up in the 80’s. My mum was very young when she had me and during her uni years and first teaching years I spent all holidays and more with Gran and Bong.

So let me tell you some facts about Bong. He is 68. He is a father of four, married to Dorothy they have lots of grandchildren, I am the eldest by 16 years. He has a big ski jump nose – I didn’t inherit it. His middle name is Gent after his mothers surname which I think sounds quite fabulous. His parents were called Doris and Arthur an anagram of which is ‘Sod It and Hurrah’ I think, well that’s how legend goes. He is amazing. He was a member of the council. He painted for years and years, he stopped in the last few years. He took me to Florida. He is a legend. He once tried to start his own landscaping business. He is an eBay and Anthony Trollope addict. I couldn’t pronounce ‘Grandpa’ when I was little so said ‘Bongpa’ which became ‘Bongy’ and stuck. He hated the book Memoirs of a Geisha. He used to make me a book a week when I was four.

That paragraph doesn’t some him up enough but it helps you all to understand where I am coming from at the moment. Speaking of the above books; I have routed them out and have been reading them this evening. Mr B was amazed that someone would put so much time and energy into something for a child when they had a full time job etc. That is just the way Bong is, his grandchildren mean the world to him.

The stories of ‘the friends’ are of a kind witch called Esmeralda and her friends Marmalade the cat and Mitch the mouse. Soon there were also their new friends Rapunzel the duck and nine hens (funny coincidence that he had bought me a duck which I named Rapunzel and nine hens the summer before) and they have lots of adventures, some featuring me. I am thinking of speaking with Cancer Research about how to get these little fun adventures published to sell for Cancer Research, does anyone know how to go about and do this?

I am also thinking of writing some new tales of Esmeralda for my cousins and siblings. Esmeralda Reborn sounds a little too dramatic though I think.

A Train Carriage Of My Very Own

August 20th 2007

I am now heading back to London, on a train, on my own. I don’t just mean alone as in there is no one accompanying me but as in a train carriage all alone with absolutely no one on it. There have been pro’s and con’s too this.

- How many times do you say in life ‘oh I wish this carriage was empty’?
- No noisy people.
- I can read the mammoth ‘Secret History’ without any mobile phones/music from mobile phones (my biggest pet hate).
- I have managed to howl for about an hour crying hysterically and no one has noticed/stopped me.
- I can have extremely upset phone conversations with my friends and no one is listening in.
- No one wants to try and make polite conversation.
- I am going home.
- I am alone with my thoughts.

- I am alone with my thoughts
- I have no company and therefore no support other than at the other end of the phone.
- My phone battery has died.
- I feel lonely.
- This train is going via Nottingham making a train journey of two hours over three hours.
- I can’t read, my minds all over the shop.
- I am going home.

I really don’t want to be coming home. On Friday we had the news that Bong has secondary liver cancer. This is bad news; liver cancer is the most painful of the cancers and is a highly known killer. The fact its secondary is also very worrying. They don’t have the results from the CT scan (I called it a CAT scan the other day – sorry) yet they are holding a meeting with all the specialists and doctors etc on Wednesday for the full prognosis. The good news however is that he was able to come home on Friday for the weekend and that made us all very happy. I bought him some very trendy (and cheap) jogging bottoms from Primark and a camp fan, he seemed to like them. God he’s only 68, I am making him sound ancient, he’s very cool and very with it.

Part of me selfishly does want to be home. I want to cuddle my cat, I want to cuddle Mr B, and I want some normality. Is that really selfish? I have just said all that but the thought of work makes me stressed. Least Mr B is doing his internship there this week, and Muffintop will be there too… I wish G wasn’t away. How am I going to concentrate on any work at the moment? Oh, my operation is in eight days. Oh Simon stop being so self centred and moaning, there are worse off people than you, get a grip.

The Therapy Of Green Beans

August 16th 2007

I have never been what you would call green fingered, then again I have never been a culinary whiz either. Amazingly the two of these unlikely skills (or in my case non existent skills) have come in very handy in the great scheme of coping since I have come up north to home territory after the news of my granddad. I am getting ahead of myself and I am sure I am getting ahead of all of you.

This week has been just unbearable in London. Well I say week it was a day and a half after the news that I came up, it had felt like a year. I had a packed suitcase at the ready in work and by Wednesday things were still looking unsure, I just wanted to see him too so I came up.

As for the prognosis? There still isn’t one yet. It turns out over the last month Bong was having stomach pains finally he went to the doctors about a week ago and they told him they thought he had a tumour and made an appointment for him at the hospital. The pain then got too great and this Sunday night Caroline drove Gran and Bong to Chesterfield Hospital thinking pretty much he was going to die then and there. He didn’t, now since then they have looked at the problems with his blood and given him a CAT scan. We are still waiting for the results.

So why am I now having therapy with green beans? The reason is… that my granddad (Bong – the name is a long story I may tell at some point) in his hospital bed is seriously worried that the green beans he has been growing all year are getting too big and will be wasted. The result being me picking green beans (my 3 year old cousin Alfie helped) at stupid o’clock in the morning and then slicing them, boiling them, leaving them and freezing them. Strangely though all that angry chopping and slicing and beheading was really therapeutic, I haven’t cried yet, don’t worry I know its coming, I just don’t want to start everyone else off.

Just One 'Urgent' And The World Seems To Stop

August 13th 2007

I had an email today that simply said ‘Urgent’, the stupid thing was I should have got the email at 9am, had it not been for my stupid default inbox filing. The email was from my Gran and simply stated that I needed to phone her or Caroline as soon as possible. My instant reaction was that it was Miriam or Seth as they had been staying at Gran and Bong’s. I couldn’t get hold of anyone at Gran and Bong’s or Caroline’s, or anything from either mobile, so I phoned Mum at home – nothing, but then they never answer their bloody phone. I got Mum on her mobile, it’s not the kids, and it’s the person I would last expect to ever get ill, my granddad, Bong.

I don’t currently know what exactly is wrong because the people at Chesterfield Hospital don’t either. All mum could say was that it could be a tumour and he definitely has a blood infection that could affect his heart. Is it fatal, was all I wanted to know, should I come up home now? The answers were it could be fatal, that I shouldn’t come up now; it would be a good idea to come up very soon though as no one knows what could happen. Does that last part not sound really ominous to you?

It’s now 10pm and no one has phoned me with any news, I can’t call anyone in case my phone rings and I miss it. The TV is of no interest to me. I was just sat staring into space until I decided to type this up, now I have nothing left to say, so I guess I’ll just wait which seems odd as the world seems to have somehow stopped. All from that little word ‘urgent’.

True Friendship Is Crepes On A Main Road Followed By Cocktails…

August 10th 2007

Nothing to report really but decided it was best if I actually put up a blog saying bugger all than not doing one for a while and people thinking I am being lazy again.

Went out with Polly last night was really random but really nice. We went to a place just behind work called Dollar Bar & Grill and the bar in the basement is very glam with all these velvet chairs and the likes, and arches and underground cubby-holes. Its also only cocktails, I had a ‘Showgirl’ in honour of Miss Minogue.

Before we went in though we were starving so we got two takeaway crepes and sat on a bench on the main road watching the world go by and talking absolute rubbish, now that’s a true friendship!

Oh G has gone for two weeks leaving me to fend for myself. I am pooping my pants to be quite honest!

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane...

August 6th 2007

Well finally I had the confirmation of something I have been dying to Blog about and didn’t want to in case it was the practical joke I thought it was. So where do I start? How about the middle… yes lets do a bit of a random story for you all today to keep up the suspense and make you want to read more, or just confuse you… if it does the later just scroll to the bottom of this blog!

So the other day I was on my new phone to Gran when randomly it got cut off (which was a slight relief as she was about to give the ending of a book away, one of her favourite habits) when my old mobile starts ringing. Now I didn’t know the number, are you like me and if you don’t know the number just wont answer the phone? Well, I broke my own rule and thank goodness I didn’t. So here is the phone conversation, I am S and the other person is A!

S: Hello?
A: Is that Mr Simon Savidge?
S: Yes…
A: Mr Savidge, finally we have been trying to get hold of you for a week?
S: Who is this?
A: Sorry my name is Andrew and I am phoning from Emirates.
S: (Puzzled) Right?
A: I am calling regarding the prize draw you entered at the Toast Festival.
S: (Still puzzled) Right?
A: Well Mr Savidge, you have won first prize.
S: (Speechless)
A: So that’s two first class return tickets to Australia via Dubai.
S: (Still speechless)
A: Mr Savidge?
S: Fuck off!
A: Sorry?
S: Are you having a laugh, is this a joke?
A: No Mr Savidge…
S: Andy is this you winding me up because if it is you are so not on my Christmas list?
A: No Mr Savidge, this is the worst part of my job, no one ever believes me.
S: Sorry but I still don’t believe you.
A: Well Mr Savidge let me take your address and details and we will send you the confirmation letter…

AND ITS HERE! Yes, I have two tickets (not claimed them yet) first class to Australia and back via Dubai! I am so excited I physically cannot bear it! What was the Toast Festival I hear you all cry? It was the place I went and spent the day with Kath & Kim, a lovely celebration of all things Australian and Kiwi (bar the vile slug burger I ate) and a basically fabulous day out in Fulham Palace. So basically it means…

Am I A Neighbour From Hell?

I have never really had issues with any of my neighbours. Old flatmates yeah, but neighbours no. One of the sad and yet also sometimes quite nice things about London is that on the whole you never speak to your neighbours. Sad, they could be someone amazing, nice as they could be a murderer or you are like me and just like to go home and not have the possibility of being disturbed, I mean really would you want to be part of a real life ‘Friends’, what do you mean yes?

So this brings me to relations with my neighbours, for the first 3 months I was here bar the baby crying upstairs I never really had any issues with neighbours. I had parties, no one cared, my roof terrace remained unused and free, no one cared, I ran out of sugar, no one cared. It was fine. Then they finished the flat beneath me and it all changed. Remember when you read this I do not dislike the people downstairs.

I love a good natter on the phone, I love a good natter when I am not on the phone, but I like to talk and walk, I feel that way I am making the most of my time on the phone by doing things you know hanging out the washing, making cups of tea and the like. I was doing this one Sunday in July at around 8.30pm when there was a knock on the door. After getting dressed (yes people, if I am on the phone to you… I might be in my pants) and seeing who it was, I was greeted by him downstairs. Can I just mention these people have very loud sex, and I am not sure it’s the same women all the time though he doesn’t look like a Casanova should! Remember I do not dislike the people downstairs. “Can you stop walking about it’s like a herd of elephants above our heads and we are trying to sleep?” I smiled apologetically, while thinking what the hell, and telling him it was most peculiar as the previous neighbours had never complained… probably because there never has been any. He got a bit arsey but eventually buggered off.

Two days later and he pops up to see if he can have a bottle opener, nice as you like. Sorry that’s bloody weird. Couple of days later I think oh I could do with an iron as mines broken, I pop downstairs hear the TV knock and knock, no fucking reply, rude! I didn’t smile at him when we met in the hallway three days later.

You may have seen I mentioned the neighbours with the crying baby. The neighbours who since having a child in January have become so anal about the communal corridors being potential trip hazards they move them to the end of my corridor, the neighbours who have become so anal about locking the front door even though the bottom lock is broken (that was me but shush) they lock it when he finishes work at 1am. This has lead to a night in a hotel as I was locked out after clubbing one night, and awaking downstairs neighbour at 3am another night after clubbing!

I would normally overlook these small issues. That is if it wasn’t for the fact they live above me and are so anal they leave the bath to overflow regularly leaving my bathroom with an extra shower mid way in the ceiling! However after Saturday night/Sunday morning I have declared war. This weekend I arranged to meet the cousin I have never met before Graham. He is a cartoonist, is actually my Dad’s cousin and also happens to be a big old gay too! We met, we drank, we went clubbing in Heaven (seriously me in Heaven is so wrong, but felt so right) we left late. I normally start asking Mr B to take me home at 2am and he does, this time he was asking me at 3am, 4am and 5am. We get back at 6.15am and guess what the door is bottom locked again. I have left a very blatant note by it saying ‘people have been locked out all night before’ right next to the lock. (I may include a picture beneath actually) So we buzzed them, and buzzed them and even though he popped his head out he wouldn’t come down. So Mr B starts buzzing the guys below… he comes out and says ‘do you know what you are a neighbour from hell’.

Jealousy Is So Yesterday!

August 3rd 2007

Isn’t it amazing how something random can totally change your day, mood, outlook? I have had that experience yesterday. I was on Facebook which is a site which I am by no means addicted; I’m slightly in love with it though. I decided to look up a few people that I wanted to just nosey and see what was going on with them rather than adding them, that sounds quite strange and suspicious doesn’t it? It’ll make sense when you see what happened.

I had found a few people and then re-checked some people that I wanted to look up but they hadn’t signed up as yet. One of them had since. I lost touch with this person a few years ago after the London bombings when they sent me a really vile email after I emailed everyone to check they were ok. We used to be quite inseparable were planning on doing some comedy stuff together and had written some scripts, filmed some stuff. They only have their own show in Soho now don’t they?

In all honesty I was really pleased for them, it did kind of sting though (at least I am big enough to admit all of this) in fact there was no kind of, it stung plain and simple. All these questions started going through my head driving me to distraction. How did they do it? Why haven’t I been as successful as I want to be? My column is really great and I worked hard for it but why can’t I have more success? It was even worse when I saw that it was featured in that very weeks Time Out, naturally I then went and bought the issue.

It was actually so bad last night that Mitch phoned me to discuss COPL and I went into an absolute rant about how I was sick of sitting on my arse and not doing anything (while sat on my arse one my pink inflatable sofa doing nothing remotely worth while other than moaning) and how we should just stop talking and get into action. Mitch has today agreed I was in a very weird mood last night.

Today after sleeping on the whole matter I feel much better, the silly petty feelings have gone and I now have drive. It was what I needed after having been so rubbish lately doing sod all. So now not only am I pleased for the person involved, I am also thankful I needed that kick up the arse!

Why Am I So Rubbish?

August 1st 2007

Yes I am truly unbelievably rubbish. I haven’t done my Blog for over a month and lots and lots and lots has happened, I am just incredibly rubbish. I always want to do the blog daily but for some reason it never seems to happen. Oh yes the reason is that I am crap. The last time I wrote was about the Spice Girls reuniting and that seems such old news!

This ‘being rubbish’ doesn’t just apply to my Blog though, what’s happened to my writing full stop? I could use my health and the worries of my ‘lump’ as part of it, sadly I know it’s just me being pants!

So what have you missed while I have been Blog silent? Not a lot really! I met Kath & Kim, won tickets to see Natasha Bedingfield and Beverley Knight through iTunes and didn’t do enough writing or reading for my liking! Oh and no news on the operation date, it should be the 28th of this month, could be earlier!

So now the way forward must be to endeavour to be an even better person and an even better blogger. (This has now been added on the 1st of September and I do actually have reasons as you will see as you read!)