Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Parrot Procreation and Press Prize Pull Offs

Part Two Of The Honeymoon Diaries

"Look baby... they are doing rude things... look baby... look sixty nine... look baby he´s going for it!" Mr B it appeared was rather enthralled in the parrots of Barcelona´s parks. These were not the ones in the Zoo we were heading for, I know I know you go to a new city and head for the Zoo as it was it wasnt free so I wasnt going in! Now I have seen parrots in Hampstead, Kew but nothing as loud or frankly as racy as this. Mr B was thinking of home as we strolled through the palm trees gazing a provocative parrots and eating mango gelato´s. Parrots in Brazil are apparently much more common, much bigger and make much more noise... show offs.

The stroll was much needed as we spent the first 4 hours of our sunny Tuesday indoors. First port of call was the tourism office, no not the tourist information, goes straight to the head honcho´s does Mr Savidge. The wait for almost an hour in reception was worth it after a delightful coffee and natter myself and my beloved left the building with press packs and most importantly press passes. Big perk of the job... well there has to be some. This means we now have free entry to all attractions and forms of transport yippee!

Sadly being press doesnt mean you can queue jump (selfish) and so we queued for almost 40mins just to get into the Sagrada Familia, we decided not to bother queueing the two hours to get a lift to the top, naturally with my loathing of heights I was gutted! It has changed since I last came 13 years ago, but not masses, I will definately come back to see it done in 2020, a little bit of a hopeful date of completion me thinks. Its a complete masterpiece though.

Post parrot porn we went not to the Cathedral, the Picasso Museum, one of the mountains. No we went to the Aquarium and despite my snobish ´why´when Mr B pleaded I am glad we did. You dont get to pet penguins in London! It was awesome. Alexs second choice wasnt. I dont think I would have enjoyed ´Dinosaurs Alive in 3D´even if it had been in English. A chocolate donut covered in mint choc chip shut me up!

We came out to seriously hardcore glorious sunshine, and so we hit the beach. I will tell you all my issue with sand another time but I braved it and we frollicked, well strolled, along the shore and for the first time it felt totally like I think a honeymoon should. Hand in hand in the sand, that will be my fondest memory of 2008, or possibly when Mr B got stuck as a rogue wave sucked him in. I laughed and laughed it was just bliss and there was me thinking I would kill him with so much time just us two. I currently dont want to come back! After braving sand I was on such a high I thought I should brave heights and go up the twelve floors to get the cable car from one side of the sea to the other, incredibly high, incredibly wobbly, sadly it had closed, again I was gutted hahaha!

Note: I would talk about dinner but it was so bad (I actually demanded to see the manager which is so not me) I think I should leave you on a high rather than a moan. After dinner we swam on the roof, in a pool obviously, looking at the stars and the moon and freezing our bits off...maybe thats my favourite memory of 2008????

Oh and as am a day behind in blogs, and on a themed note, have a very very Happy Nude Year!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Barcelona Burger ID Scandal

Part One of the Honeymoon Diaries

Could the honeymoon period of the honeymoon already be over? Yesterday morning I had the strangest feeling it could, then I finally took my extra strong valium and everything was fine. Yes the belated honeymoon is here and thanks to Ryanair it almost ended in tears before it had even begun. Their website wouldn’t let us book an additional bag for some reason, and as Mr B is from a non EU country we couldn’t check in online meaning we have now been charged an addition forty quid each way. (i cant do pound signs on this Spanish keyboard and if my spelling is bad, well slightly worse than normal its because the spell check thinks everything am writing is wrong.) So after that we hoped it would all be plane sailing (geddit?) sadly we were delayed, delayed, flight changed, flight cancelled, terminal changed and then suddenly in the air… just as my drugs wore off. The flight though bar the vile yellow and blue theme and horrific endless selling and jingles was great. I have to say I thanked the lord I had 4 weeks of The Archers to catch up on downloaded on my iPod, I think I have finally found the answer to my flying phobia... Big doses of Ambridge Farm.

So finally yesterday afternoon we arrived in Barcelona, well when I say Barcelona I actually mean Reus. Reus is not Barcelona, don’t believe a word anyone at Easyjet or Ryanair say Reus IS SIMPLY NOT IN BARCELONA. We know this from the almost two hours it took to get from Reus to Barcelona at the small cost of thirty euro´s. We musn´t complain though, we are here safe and sound. We finally got to the hotel at 7pm meaning we had missed a day. It is an amazing hotel (will do a photo blog when back) the breakfast this morning was amazing, the room has different themed lightings and everything works via switches next to the bed, very Austin Powers.

Like pure tourists we were no sooner rid of our luggage than asking the receptionist the way to a McDonalds. We were starving and after endless journeys we´d had no more than a blinking cheese and ham toastie all day. Now we know that when you are away from home things arent quite the same and I normally like that. The chicken burger thing they are doing here, for example, beats anything in a maccy d´s back home. When you come to pay you dont expect the words "do you have any ID?" Fortunately we did.

This kept happening and for a while Mr B and myself were thinking ´wow, we must look so young´a lovely lady put us right in the local supermarket where we had gone for hotel must haves water, juice, crisps and chocolates... oh and a new favourite ´Don Simon Sangria´. She told us "we have to ask as your cards are foreign and their is so much theft in Barcelona streets we never know if its yours or not!" Well that filled us with christmas cheer and hope. We laughed about it, and the day in general on the way back to the hotel. We realised we were shattered, well it had been an eventful 24 hours. We were in bed asleep by 9pm UK time.

Now well slept, full of cheeses and meats, I am caffined up and raring to go and have more adventures. I think today is the big massive cathedrale and the seaside!

Oh note: A certain person said that bloggiong about being away is the biggest invite for burglars at your flat, so any thieving b**stards around... we have flat sitters in! I thank you!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Chrimbo Catch Up

In the time it takes to run a bath, in what seems to have been the only free hour for weeks and weeks, I thought I would catch up with you all and firstly wish you a belated Merry Christmas (insert picture of Mr B and myself looking like silly elves – oh I have). We both have some form of mild food poisoning at the moment so in the flesh don’t look so chipper… and no it was not my Christmas cooking.
I did have a small myspace holiday as it was all just getting too much but I am back. I hope you are all well and had a delicious Christmas? Christmas Day was a very quiet affair this year. Just me and Mr B at home for our first Christmas as husband and husband, and actually it was perfect apart from a small glitch when I opened my presents and already had them all. Moving swiftly on, I really enjoyed things being so simple. I know Christmas is a family time and though I love my mother and step dad when it comes to being cooped up in their log cabin (though idyllic) in the middle of nowhere in Shropshire with two teenagers and two under elevens, certain cracks begin to show in our relationship and things can get a bit tense. This year saw me at possibly my calmest. I even managed to pull off my first ever proper Christmas dinner. The husband said that my maple syrup glazed roast carrots and parsnips were heavenly and my brussel sprouts, chestnuts and pancetta (or bacon – thanks Nigella) were a taste sensation, which from him being a bit of a food buff was quite the compliment. The highest compliment of all was that he said it was better than my mum’s, naturally I told her this and she has now decided to up the ‘evil mother in law routine’ for 2009.

Speaking of my mother she came for the weekend before Christmas and we had the loveliest time. There was the London Eye, well Mr B took the children on the London Eye whilst my mother and I sat in a cafĂ© and caught up. This was the first time we had been alone together, no kids or partners or anyone, for THREE years, and it was really nice sipping and gossiping. We then, thanks to the ex, got tickets for Panto after a delicious Italian in Wimbledon, if the amount of wine I drank in said evening hadn’t riddled my brain I would recommend the venue but I have forgotten the name. Cinderella was good, Gareth Gates could sing but not act and Stacey from Gavin & Stacey (I don’t know her real name) could act but not sing, somehow it worked. That could of course be down to the amount of alcohol we drank my mother is certainly using that for the excuse as why she slept through a lot of it. The ugly stepsisters stole the show.

In other news bulletins from the busy goings on in December; I have been working on the new issue of Bent and need Bears, yes big gay bears please, please contact me if you’re interested. Am currently thrilled as February will be my 4th cover feature in a year (by this I mean the cover picture feature, I have actually had at least two of my features on the cover every month), which in my first proper year I think isn’t half bad and I don’t normally blow my own trumpet but am feeling quite proud.

I found my own porn double. Now I am seriously not making this up. For the Bear issue Triga sent me some gifts and in one I was confronted with almost myself on screen. To say it was odd was an understatement, to then have your husband ask ‘oh my god have you done a porn film’ and give you funny looks for the rest of the day is bizarre. He did also do this with Mark from Westlife only then he wanted to know if secretly I was in a boyband. I think the lesson is my husband is crazy.

I took the lovely Dom Agius to see Boy George who was awful. The venue was dire and so were his singing and song choices. I was really disappointed as had been really looking forward to it. We left before the interval and went for a beer or two and a gossip in the Kings Arms instead, much better.

I did some temping, as a) research b) was bored c) wanted extra Christmas cash which after tax was royally pointless, during my extended Christmas break from the magazine. I realised I don’t really like anyone other than me being my boss but did invent some fun games to play such as;
- Spot the gay staff
- How to look really busy when you’re not doing anything and no one is giving you anything to do or any eye contact as your not really worth it
- Getting lost, well it takes up time
- Staring off a member of staff who spills tea everywhere until they understand via the power of mind reading/facial expression
that ‘no I am not going to clean that up, you made the mess, you f**king clean it yourself’ all whilst somehow smiling sweetly
I think maybe I should stop in case I ever decide to do this malarkey again and someone from one of the companies spots me and reads this! It was interesting though and I did come away with four chapters under my belt and three wonderful characters. Plus it paid for all Mr B’s presents whilst leaving me able to get myself a Blackberry so it was worth it in its own way.

I went off the Christmas tangent there sorry. Well the bath is run and I need a long relaxing soak, so again a belated Happy Christmas and I again promise to be better at blogging I think everyone is just too manic at the mo. Hope you all ate drank and were merry and got all the presents you wished for!

Friday, December 05, 2008

Birthdays and Anniversaries

I have been meaning to write a few blogs this week but it all seems to have gone by ridiculously quickly and what with birthdays, Girls Aloud events, a fabulous strop at said event (not by me, but I don’t tell tales), being frozen for 90% of the week, catching the ‘bug’ and some antics involving theft of a traffic cone its been quite a week and its only Friday morning. I am sadly still feeling like death warmed up but am back in the blogosphere.

Last Sunday was Mr B’s birthday; it also happens that the same day as our anniversary. Yes Mr B was lucky enough to have me pretty much in a big drunken bow as his 27th birthday present when we came face to face on a dancefloor and I frowned at him… I was trying to get to the bar. The dancefloor in question is one that is soon to be knocked down just like our wedding ‘masked ball’ venue will be... is that telling us something? Anyway people always say ‘oh its so romantic that you met on his birthday’ (unless you happen to be my Gran who reminded me that my mother met her first husband on his birthday and he died before they were married seven months, she’s special my Gran). You either get the ‘romantic view’ or you get people who make vomit signs, which is what I would do if it wasn’t me involved in all honesty.

It does have a certain romance about it, well when you tell people that is, and true enough some people could use the word fate or destiny or simply ‘a sweet coincidence’. In reality not so much, especially after being together a while, the novelty wears of and instead you are left with a very strange unbalancing equilibrium of present buying and over compensating. For example the rules are a bit off, I mean you shouldn’t really have to be buying someone else presents on your birthday should you? There is of course a massive row waiting to be had over who will pay the bill over lunch and/or dinner, with one of you wanting to buy as an anniversary or birthday treat, the other trying to pay as an anniversary treat, it gets very confusing and it gets very vexing.

There is also the problem that one of you might not like birthdays at it brings back some sad memories and makes you think about where your life is going. On my birthday getting older isn’t really on my mind as I have hit the spirits by 11am in an aim to get the damn day over as quickly as possible as intoxicated as possible. This year was a hard one as it was the first without Bong. Mr B still misses his mother so much and when no one else in your family even bothers to call I think it made him feel particularly uncelebratory. Now this leads to one of you wanting to spend the day in bed curtains closed and shutting out the world. The other one of you is off running out to buy a birthday breakfast and some final presents and being all excited about the day ahead filling it with plans and expectations. It leads to rows, irritation and in the case of this year sulks in the bath, refusals to go out at all in the evening and a chicken being thrown. I won’t say who did what but I did one of the above.

I wondered whether it was the fact that the day was an anti-climax. You know, when you have things to celebrate I feel that I should be on cloud nine all day – not realistic but that’s the way that my mind works. I mean on my wedding day I was so insistent everyone else was having a good time it took me a while to relax and have one myself. By 7pm we weren’t speaking, he was lurking downstairs whilst I prowled upstairs. It wasn’t the fun we intended. Now I don’t know how it happened, I think I got the giggles over a stray piece of chicken that fell from the ceiling and landing on Mr B but before we knew it we were laughing hysterically all the way to the curry house. We didn’t fight over the bill, we simply relaxed and remembered the most important thing, not the presents or the ‘forced best day’ just being together and ourselves, it just so happened one of us had gotten a small bit older and maybe should have known better, sorry I had to get that in there.