Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Underwear Everywhere!

I never thought I would utter these words sadly I am going to. I have had enough of men in their underwear. No I am not off to be straight, I have just spent the last two days emerged in men’s underwear. Boxers, briefs, CK’s, funky Primark patterns, Y Fronts, jock straps. I am done with it. My eyes cannot take anymore of the items or their bulging contents. Ok, maybe a slight overstatement!

I have been researching, until my brain can no longer function, a load of pants! All in the name of the love of my job of course, and I haven’t actually been seeing all of this in flesh but through the joys of the internet. We are doing an underwear and swimwear special (which Mr B might be the over of so look out for it) and I have been looking into the fetishes of underwear (if anyone has a fetish for it please email me, people don’t seem to want to speak out) and of all the crazy underwear you can get be it designer or as I have found fabulously cheap and crazy in Primark, they do the most awesome patterned pants. Oh god it’s taking over my life.

So two days and I have some sort of a feature lined up… ‘Lucky Pants’. Do you have a pair of lucky pants? Do they work? Do you have pictures of you in them would you be prepared to be interviewed about them? Are you anti-pants? Do you have a phobia of underwear, there is one but its not got an official name yet, believe me its true I have been in the forms. I like the idea of ‘pantiphobia’ or maybe you could just stick with commando? If so seriously drop me a line as the more the merrier, I feel my eyes and mind are numb to it. But please, feel free to comment away.

Right I think I had better go and iron my pants… what? What’s wrong with that? I'll leave you with a little treat I found on my travels!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

When We Are Old & Grey & Old & Gay

Old age seems to be following me around. I have had several conversations surrounding being older with in the last few weeks, one of which was whether my partner would put me out of my misery if I got Alzheimer's, that's not really relevant but if you want to know more read my blog. Anyway I digress, old age.

The first conversation I had was with my ex. He is in his mid to late thirties, and has just split up with another guy. We sat, got very drunk and he poured his heart out to me that he was going to be lonely forever, he wouldn't have any kids and no family and no life and no friends and would probably end up in a house with 20 cats and no social life. Dramatic I know, and possibly one of those drunken conversations you have after a split, but it made me think. Well before I was so drunk I'd forgotten the conversation… until a few days later.

Out in Soho with one of my 'younger' friends who considers me to be past it (I am just about to hit 26) and we were chatting away when a guy of around 50 came into the bar we were in, it is aimed at the younger trendy market, why was I there? So he walks in and there was almost a complete stand still of everyone he passed, almost jaws open as if to say 'why is he in here?' My 'younger' friend was one of them. I asked him why his surprise? 'Well men that old shouldn't be in places like this?' When I asked him where they should be he didn't have an answer, and when I asked him what he'll be doing at that age he replied 'oh I would kill myself, no social scene, and if you are single and with no family how could you bare it?' Again it was the same old story as I'd had with the ex.

The final conversation I had that lead to a light bulb going off in my head was with my Gran. She is 66, recently widowed and though obviously very sad she is a social butterfly. She's joined book groups (I think three is slightly excessive) and is part of U3A which is a self-help trust for people in 'the third age' who want to take part in social events and learn more life skills after retirement etc. She used to be a member of the Women's Institute but hasn't joined again. She told me of a gay man who wanted to join a local WI branch and sadly wasn't allowed as he was male, it makes sense but in the deepest countryside caused a bit of a stir. So the light bulb went off and I thought 'what will I have when I am that old?' It might also have something to do with watching Jam & Jerusalem and Calendar Girls in the space of a few days too.

In my old age I hope to have a husband (preferably my partner – you never know) and children, but what about a social outlet that isn't the gay scene in terms of bars and clubs? What if I get widowed, what if he gets widowed, and what if you don't get married and have children? You could join the U3A (I don't think I would be welcomed with open arms in a Working Men's Club, maybe I'm wrong) wouldn't it be great if we had something for Gay Men though? In London you have places such as the House of Homosexual Culture which is brilliant; it's aimed at anyone who wants to "explore the shared cultural heritage of lesbian and gay people through a programme of events, activities and salons" or fabulous monthly nights like Polari as organised by Paul Burston and Dom Agius. However if you are in the sticks there is nothing. I searched the web and couldn't find anything… if you have any joy let me know.

So if no one else is doing it I thought 'bugger it' I will. I have set up a myspace and am working through the ideas of how to get something on a nationwide scale organised with no money and using my own time, but hey that's a small price to pay. I am looking for volunteers who might be interested in helping me kick it all off, and am building a website. Oh by the way Gay Men's Institute is a temporary title as I want something snappier, but bear with it. So if you have any thoughts, suggestions or queries go to the site and let me know. After all wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a network like this, it wouldn't be all Jam & Jerusalem, but it could be a bloody good laugh in our elderly years and a real support, or even in our younger years, hell I've joined.

P.S Can everyone fee very sorry for me I have a really horrid cold, least am using my time wisely lol.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Reading Writing & Reviewing

So today has been busy. For lots of reasons some of which I cannot divulge (the BIG meeting) but some I can (what will probably be just a dull blog hahaha). I have been reading like a maniac. I am very privileged to be someone who gets paid to do reviews of books, I love books anyway and so it’s not really a hardship. I do this for New Books Magazine, and free ones for Waterstones all good on the CV (fingers crossed another paid job in a very literary mag is coming soon) and like I said I like books.

The current read is Sallie Day’s ‘The Palace of Strange Girls’ which is happily finished and on the bedside table now. It is a really good read and though I can’t give you a copy of my review I will say it’s a very good read and would be a good addition to any bookshelf. Bookshelves… I so need to get some at the moment in my flat there are 4 piles of lots of books and another 6 boxes. I can’t resist. You know this. Mind you I have been very good on the book buying front of late. They are comparing The Palace of Strange Girls to Kate Atkinson’s ‘Behind the Scenes at the Museum’ I personally didn’t like that book, though I love all the authors others, so I would say its better.

One fabulous thing about the book was that every chapter starts with one of the fabulous old ‘I Spy’ book quotes, all from a beach copy, as the little girl Beth is obsessed with them. I had forgotten these, and used to love them as a kid. You cant get them now I have put a picture of the only one I could find on eBay on this blog! It brought back that (though the book wasn’t set in the 80’s its in the 50’s) ‘punch car’, ‘the registration plate game’ and various other holiday games from my childhood. Am having a very deep and nostalgic few days at the moment. Have been thinking about Bong a lot too!
Other than that and a big meeting I have done two things; writing and brainstorming! I have been writing ‘the book’ and so far it is going really well, I am its biggest critic and think it could be better but this is only draft one and the characters are coming along nicely. It isn’t hard work at the lap top so that’s a good sign. I have been trying to have breaks away and re-reads but at only chapter three maybe I will hold off and just write the darn thing – read later.

The other thing I have been brainstorming is ‘The Bent Book Group’. This hasn’t been given the official ‘go ahead’ green light but I am desperately trying to make my editor see why I want to do it, any good arguments are most welcomed, I need all the help I can get! I am thinking how to do something from a monthly mag. It is proving difficult, my thoughts are a forum on the Bent website and maybe a group on myspace and facebook where people and give their feedback, if any of you can think about this and how else it could work again suggestions welcomed.

I think first author would like to feature is the lovely Mr Paul Burston, and then the delightful Stella Duffy, we shall see. The idea is then to also have a running interview or piece on the author and why they write there favourite books etc, what I basically want is to be Mariella Frostrup on The Book Show, which would be my dream job. So a creative, if a little dull to read back I am sure, day!

Friday, February 22, 2008


Tonight I watched a film after a recommendation from Spanielle called ‘The Notebook’ and it’s really made me think. Without giving too much away and spoiling it for those of you who haven’t seen it the film has an Alzheimer’s theme which all of you will know I have very strong feelings about. (If you didn’t know check out an earlier blog called Mindless Thoughtless.)

I am now thinking more and more there is something bigger that I need to do to demonstrate how shocking both dementia and Alzheimer’s is and remind people of it. I really want to make a documentary but I am not sure how to go about it so if anyone out there has any contacts in the media/TV world who I could talk to or liaise with, or if any of you want to get involved please let me know. Please!

The film title ‘The Notebook’ says a lot too. How many notebooks do I have? I cannot begin to count; anyone who writes or is creative will know or tell you that carrying a notebook EVERYWHERE is essential. I have one in every room, yes even in the bog… I get some great ideas in the bath. I actually had to stop in the yoghurt section of the supermarket the other day and make some notes (getting some odd looks) as a toffee yoghurt made me think of some small plot for something. I also use them to keep memories or dreams in, like the random one I had last night about dating Kylie Minogue. It was a marriage of convenience.

Memories and notes are why I also keep this blog, when I started it I didn’t think anyone would read it and some people still don’t, but those of you who do mean a lot to me so thank you. It may be something my children want to read, it may help other people (like when Bong died or when I had my op ‘downstairs’), it may just make people smile or think, it is also very much there for me, I can look back on last year and think blimey I did that? It also puts things in perspective. Maybe one day when my memories are going or indeed I have gone someone will read this and those memories will come alive and so will part of me. Who knows?

Thursday, February 21, 2008

My Tooting High Street

Did anyone else watch the brilliant documentary on Channel 4 tonight called ‘My Street’? I have to say I was gripped (I did have to watch it on Channel 4 +1, as I am addicted to the new Dawn Porter series, more about that in a blog soon) from the start until the finish.

It was part of the Cutting Edge series which I have to admit I don’t tend to watch for fear of them being to high brow for me, I think I will watch more in the future. The film maker Sue Bourne decided that after years of living on her street and having met no one she would go to every one of the 100+ houses and try and find out more about people.

A fair few people thought that she was simply being ‘nosey’ and in all honesty in London most people would feel like that. The ones who didn’t however were on such a wide spectrum of society it was fascinating. There were large families, families dealing with a father with cancer, a millionaire – the laziest millionaire who doesn’t live or look like a millionaire, a 80+ man who live don his own and had no visitors, some authors, a drug addict or two, some very crazy New Zealanders and a women who was very successful and single but not really happy with the latter. There was a very sad story of a lad who had Tourette’s syndrome and as the show went on the worse he got and sadly he died, alone, with no one looking after him, none of the neighbours new he was even ill.

The story was fascinating. What do we really know about our neighbours? Other than a baby crying upstairs and the fact I like the neighbours downstairs as little as the last ones I know nothing about the 4 other flats that I share a hallway with let alone the other 224 buildings and their inhabitants, and some of those building have multiple flats like mine. I didn’t even know that no one had been living in one of the flats for the last 4 months until I was talking to the agents, I may move up there!

What must my neighbours have picked up from me? They know I sort the post out as one of them once came to see if I had taken something, so they also think I am the thieving type. They know I am gay as most of them came into the flat when the police raided us all and Mr B and I were in our matching dressing gowns. They know I am a cat lover, she never shuts up meowing at the door when I am out; maybe they think I am a cat punisher? Oh dear. Really they know a little but not a lot and what happened to the good old Nescafe days where you could pop to the next flat and get a cup of sugar as you had just run out and the guy was fit on the next floor… and the bloody corner shop charges you an arm and a leg?

I could go and make little ‘hello’ cards and slip them under their doors and down some of the street, but I feel that’s incredibly gay and also they probably couldn’t give a toss. I remember when I first moved to London and I thought wherever I lived would be like Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City, only in the UK. Where I would meet a fabulous Mrs Madrigal and have my very own Mary Ann and meet my very own Michael Tolliver (though in the TV show I always fancied his Dr boyfriend more) …or something. Alas I suppose that life is never quite as good as fiction, though having said that with all the characters in Sue Bourne’s street it would make an amazing novel.

The Brits...

...were a good laugh, the afterward parties were not the best, I am not going to divulge any gossip as I am trying to be good like that (for today) I will simply leave you with a picture of the effects of the night upon Mr B...

Sleeping deeply drunken with his VIP tag on! He'll kill me for uploading that, oh well he he he!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Tudor Tastic

I am currently debating getting a much corseted dress and a crown. No really! I have been lost in a world of dank dark corridors, back stabbing, tight pants and ego’s… no I haven’t spent the last few days on the gay scene non stop actually ha, ha, ha. No I seem to have been lost in the early years of the 1500’s. Lost in a time that I am actually realising I am fairly obsessed with. Yes the Tudor Period.

It’s been restarted from the latest ‘book group’ book ‘The Other Boleyn Girl’ by Philippa Gregory. It’s taken me a while to read, not because I haven’t been enjoying it or that it’s too complex, but because I didn’t want to finish it. (Don’t worry I have now sorted this out by ordering ‘The Boleyn Inheritance’, ‘The Virgin’s Lover’ and ‘The Constant Princess’ from so I will still be getting my fix). It’s brilliant and I simply cannot wait for the movie now, think will have to treat my Aunty Alice on the day it comes out as am up in Manchester that day. See its becoming an obsession.

In fact so obsessed was I that I dragged (actually he wanted to go) Mr B to Hampton Court Palace on Sunday. It took forever to get there, thanks to the appalling bus replacement service but was so worth it. The weather was gorgeous. I love Hampton Court I have been almost yearly since I came to London. There is something quite magical about it. I think it’s the fact there is so much history, all the addictions by King William and King George and the fabulous gardens. I got lost in the maze and think I saw a flicker of disappointment cross Mr B’s face when I managed to get out.

I was only interested in the Tudor sections quite happily aimlessly wandering through the oldest part of the castle in my own little world. Oh and laughing mercilessly when a woman dressed in a costume from the Tudor period turned the corner in front of Mr B and made him jump and let out the smallest and campest of screams.

Apparently as I have since been told I have always been fascinated in that period. (I also really love the Victorian Period) I was chatting to my mother about it and she said ‘oh you always loved it, I always joked you were reincarnated from that period, bloody Hardwick Hall three times a summer, or the Tower of London, or any stately home or castle from that period and you were happy as a pig in shit’ god love my mum and how being so young she’s so cool… and crass! The ‘cool’ is debateable.

It has made me think though, what if my fascination with the period and the fact I get so involved in it means I may have been reincarnated from then? I don’t think I believe in it, but who can say, maybe I should get regressed? Do you have any periods that you find haunting? Do you think it is reincarnation? Right think will pop to the shops and get ‘The Tudors’ DVD.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Mindless Thoughtless

I didn’t tell you about going to Kent two weekends ago did I? I took Mr B to see my Great Uncle Derek and Great Aunty Pat in Maidstone. When you go and visit them its not like your normal trip to see family with a lovely catch up and lovely Sunday roast. We had a lovely Sunday roast and catch up but Derek wasn’t there, he is in a home, he has Alzheimer’s.

Great Uncle Derek is like a second Granddad to me. He is eleven years older than my Gran yet they had the closest bond, like me and my ten year old sister I guess. He spent so much time with us in my childhood and also made me unable to drink Whiskey but that is a very long story. We would go on walking holidays in the summer, him memorising Sherlock Homes tales to keep me entertained on the ten mile days of Offa’s Dyke or the Dales Way. He even carried on walking after he slipped and broke his wrist so he could tell me tales.

Now he sits in a chair chewing on plates, putting his cardigan on his head like a scarf, looking at you with unseeing eyes and saying ‘I miss my mummy’, a Mum that he doesn’t even know has passed away. He doesn’t even know that Bong has died. He is in his own little world and it’s heartbreaking, not for him, but for all of us that see him like that, all of those with the memories we ant share with him. There are some lovely people in the home, characters you would like to write about, yes the book is on the way. Gladys who thinks she is the Queen. Jean 1 who sings nursery rhymes and wants a cuddle, Jean 2 who likes crayons and yet wants to be sent to bed – she has to wear a crash helmet as she has tantrums and hits her head on doors. There’s Doris who screams ‘are you going to kill me?’, Bob who tells all the nurses they are sluts one moment and that he loves them the next. Several who just sit and stare. There’s two women who I really feel for. One has just got depression but cant live on her own for the danger that she does to herself and her guests, nothing wrong with her other than that and she sits in what is like a film set of madness. The other who has very early dementia and whose family flew off to New Zealand leaving her to sit read her newspapers and every so often glance at her future, what is to come.

The nurses are wonderful and they don’t get paid enough believe you me. They comfort, they cook, feed, and they clean. The thing is they don’t ‘know’ these people. Aunty Pat and I were discussing this, the families should do biographies on their relatives lives so that the nurses have more insight into who they were or what some of their ramblings might be. For example Uncle Derek says ‘bang, bang, bang and you drop them there’ he used to navigate where bombs were dropped in the war. To someone else that would mean nothing.

Makes you think, doesn’t it?

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentines Gay?

I always say every year like a true pessimist or negative thing ‘oh not bloody Valentines again’ I don’t think I like it. Until it arrives and suddenly (very like at Christmas) I get swept up by the marketing I hated so much and buy any heart shaped item I can lay my mitts on. Not this year though.

This year as Mr B was working ALL BLOODY DAY and I had a few interviews lined up for Bent we decided we would ignore Valentines Day until Sunday. When all we would do is buy a little something for each other, we would give each other cards on the day.

So imagine my surprise (if you can call it that in the inebriated state I was in) when I came home at 2am on Thursday morning, very no extremely, no ridiculously drunk, to find a my flat resembled something out of a Mills & Boon novel. Champagne on ice, several bouquets of flowers (actually I will add a picture) candles and a Storm pendant I have been dying to own for over a year! I think he was slightly disappointed when having gone to open and pour us a glass of bubbly each I was asleep on the bed fully dressed dribbling! What? It had been an impromptu night to Trannyshack with new pals Dan D and Michael T, I didn’t know.

So this today after being very ill in the morning, after interviewing the hilarious Clare Teal and doing some odds and sods in town, the heart fetish kicked in. He now has waiting for him heart shaped chocolates, two heart shaped mugs – we love a nice cuppa, a massive heart shaped card (no I hadn’t even got that until today after our pact, the traitor) a teddy carrying a big heart and his and his heart covered pants! I think that’s a job well done, maybe I can arrange our curry in heart shapes on the plates, or would that be going too far?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Zhooshy, Bonaroo, Dolly, Alamo, Ogle, Bona, Bungery… It’s All Polari

Last night I had a wonderful evening at the Green Carnation in Soho for a literary monthly event called ‘Polari’ organised by the fabulous Paul Burston (who I have finally said hello to for once hahaha) and Dom Agius.

It’s a great night to go to as each month a different author reads passages from their latest or chosen novel. Tonight was the wonderful Stella Duffy and her eleventh book is out this week called ‘The Room Of Lost Things’ and the parts she read were both touching, saddening, thought provoking and funny. In the flesh she was a lovely lady having a good old natter with everyone, a drink and a boogie too. You must check this book out; in fact you must check all of her books out so there.

Paul is a great host and does DJing with Dom, the tunes were a fabulous mix of 80’s to present day, I can’t think where else you would get Goldfrapps ‘A&E’, Pet Shop Boys ft Dusty Springfield, Sugababes ‘About You Now’, David Bowie’s ‘Let’s Dance’ and Destiny’s Child ‘Independent Women’ within the space of an hour.

That’s what’s so great about it its individuality. People are looking for something fresh on the Gay Scene and for people who like to lounge, mingle, network or if you are a book geek (I hold my hands up) or are organising the Bent Magazine Book Group (I hold my hands up again). There is also the chance to meet like minded people (I must say hello to ‘Madame’ who said ‘oh you’re myspace Simon’ in fact a few people did which felt lovely).

There were two things that summed the night up for me, the adverts tag line ‘come for the words, stay for music’ and Stella when she had finished reading said ‘its so nice to come somewhere that’s not just about drink and dancing but about the arts foremost’ and then Paul said ‘so lets get on with the drink and dancing’ and we all did.

A wonderful night, a huge congrats and stroke of genius to all involved in particular The Green Carnation, Paul Burston, Dom Agius and Stella Duffy.

The next one is March the 10th be there or be square!

Monday, February 11, 2008

A Weekend of Ups & Downs

Not writing too much as feeling a bit sad and shitty. You’ll understand why in a mo.

The Ups
- Saw The Feeling at GAY
- Mr B cornering Sophie Ellis Bextor and talking Brazilian worship of her album
- Fabulous time with Giorgia on Saturday in Ann Summers
- Seeing The Married Ex at one of my friends birthdays and him randomly being there
- Catching up with some of the Panto Boys
- Cloverfield, I thought it was absolutely amazing, Mr B didn’t.

The Downs
- Rowing with Mr B on Saturday night
- Rowing with Mr B all day Sunday

We never row and now he has gone to work and though we have made up now its just so sad that the only day we actually get together is Sunday and we have rowed (over visas, weddings, movies, where to eat – basic stress) and had no quality time together. What a poop weekend.

At least am off to see Ms McLarnon today, a good injection of time with a Pop Princess will cheer me up in my dullest hours, I’ll make sure I get a camp pic with her lol and add it later when I upload this!

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Back & Bloody Busy

I arrived back in London. I had missed it. I grabbed a Starbucks, something so American and yet so London to me, and then I got on the Northern Line. I hate the Northern Line and people always find it funny that I have chosen to live on it. They don’t call it the misery line for nothing and indeed it was a misery as some bugger slammed into me and I was left with coffee all over my trousers and before I had to do an interview as well.

I was interviewing Deepest Blue whose first album had three of my favourite songs on it. They have been away for a while working on solo projects and now they are back. They were brilliant and they got me very drunk, what more could you want in an interview? We were at Bar Chocolate with lots of chocolate cocktails; you must go if you have chocoholic tendencies like I do.

Home for a swift shower and change and then I was back out to meet my sister for the opening of the new Nokia store and their new project Meet London ‘a unique exhibition that brings together the creative talent of four high profile Londoners representing film, music, sport and art to produce a series of one-off, intimate portraits that capture London in 2008’. It was a really good event though we didn’t see the Meet London exhibition. I did see Beverley Knight though and was too shy to say hello, this is one of my major flaws I get really shy suddenly for no reason.

I did the same when I went to the next party (my sister had to go home, her boots were too tight and high) with Mr Moon. It was the Gaydar Radio’s 6th Birthday Party at Lo-Profile and as I was going in the lovely Mr Burston was coming out and shock horror, I didn’t say hello just smiled in some weird way. He must have thought what a random odd bod. I didn’t go in to the party in the end as they had started to charge, I didn’t wanna be a prick and get my press pass out so we went to GAY Bar by which time after chocolate cocktails and champers I was bloody mullered. I came home and seemed to have sobered up and here I am, am feeling slightly ropey now so think I need to go to bed. Night!

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Stepping Back In Time

Today my Gran and I went to Eyam, I don’t know if you have heard of it but it is one of the most beautiful and historical little villages in Derbyshire. It was also one of the only places apart from London to be hit by the Black Plague.

It was somewhere we had been when I was a child, Gran Bong and I, and it has always held a special place in my mind. It fascinates me that from a parcel of clothes dangerous and killing bacteria was warmed by a fire and then one by one the villagers started to die.

What I find most touching is the fact that the entire village cut itself off from everyone so that even though it was killing them it would never kill anyone past the ‘boundary stones’. Everywhere you go there are plaques reminding you of the sites and deaths that would have been witnessed there, and even though it was a stunningly beautiful day today you can still feel a hint of the past in the air.

It’s made me start to think as to what could be a new book idea… I know I know I have so many of them but never take them further. Well I’ve a feeling this one I think is going to stick, time will tell I guess as I also have a really complex one that has come to mind after Sundays events. I haven’t written about Sunday, I will when I get back. You cant blame me for getting caught up in a small town, where we ate in a haunted pub, that has seen so much history. Inspirational.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

The Social Whirl of Matlock

I am back up north having a break in Matlock with my Gran and its been a complete social whirlwind on day one. I nearly missed the train as St Pancras International has completely changed again and it’s a bit of a maze, a stunning one though.

I arrived and Gran seemed really pleased to see me which always makes you feel nice, she had bought me the campest Christmas presents. A glittery jewelled dustpan and brush, some Spice Girl books and a book on writing, she knows her eldest grandson so well. She seems to be coping as well as someone can who has been so recently widowed. Busy would be the word I would use for her lifestyle. Incredibly busy maybe too busy.

Caz came round with Alfie. We had a fabulous soup with amazing savoury scones that I must get the recipe for, oh out pops the middle aged Simon again. Alfie is hilarious he naturally asked where Mr B was consistently, he is a massive fan. He also wanted to play football for about three hours.

We have just gotten back from a lovely evening with some of Gran’s oldest friends. The legends that are Bernie and John who used to live next door to Gran and Bong and now live five houses down on the new road. They are hilarious and love a drink. I wont go into the details of the whole evening I will just go with some classic Bernie quotes… now remember she is 63.

On her husbands first child meeting their children ‘he wet the bed for weeks and one night he came down with his brothers and said Mummy I will live with you if you and Daddy split up and he will live with Daddy. I thought bloody hell we’ve ruined the poor little bastards lives’.

On me having kids in the future ‘oh fuck that Simon, get a dog’.

On gay men ‘I just love them, I lived on Old Compton Street for a while, best nights of my fucking life’.

When Gran was drunk and talking rubbish ‘in the nicest way Dot, shut the fuck up’.

Now that is a gay icon, and shows you that you can have fun in your sixties a time I was originally not sure I was looking forward to. Thank god for people like Bernie.

Monday, February 04, 2008

On Chesil Beach

It was book group tonight. The book in question was Ian McEwan’s ‘On Chesil Beach’, a book I have had to read today as I was trudging through ‘The Instance of The Fingerpost’ for bloody ages. I have done the unthinkable and quit the book 300 pages in but as I still had 400 to go and wanted to do anything BUT read I just shelved it.

I love, love, loved this book. I thought it was superb. I know people have moaned about the length of the book but books don’t have to be a certain length do they? Do we now have to hire people at publishers who only let books that are over 1000 pages long be published or accepted, I think not.

What stuck out from the book for me was the whole was sex was perceived back then. The book is set in the late 50’s/early 60’s. Its on the wedding night of a couple who are in love but have no idea of what happens when you have sex and is a tale of the emotional journey they go through, from excitement to fear, to shock and horror. I won’t give anything away.

I mean look at us now. Humans on the whole be you gay, straight, bi, whatever. Sex is everywhere; you only need to go to the back of many gay magazines and call a number and sex is there. Open your computer and surf the net and sex can be found so easily then too. So I really felt for these people. Not because they couldn’t have sex before marriage, mind you me and Mr B were there before we officially started dating, but the naivety of it all, it must be terrifying.

The venue was ‘The Mermaids Tail’ a new fish and chip restaurant in Leicester Square that looks tacky as sin when you walk past but is actually really nice and does great fish and chips and brilliant mushy peas. You can have a deep fried Mars Bar for pudding too I didn’t go that far. The book brought up some great debates, we are much concerned that Kaylord is now following the book ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ like it’s the bible but that’s another story. Next book group book is The Other Boleyn Girl, maybe we will eat in The Tower Of London.

Sunday, February 03, 2008


It’s been a big week for reunions this week. Yesterday saw me catching up with Miss Curtis after a ridiculous 9 months. We met up in town yesterday and it was like we had never been apart and ended up in some very funny (well we thought they were funny) photos of us both being crazy Britney’s.

After seeing Miss Curtis I then was reunited with some old Milkround people at the delight that is Chancery Lane Station, it seemed really, really odd being back there and seeing people and knowing that I am not a part of their daily work routine, the lucky buggers. I was meeting Muffintop as we were off to see Aviv Geffin at Shepherds Bush Hall. I have never been there but it’s a really nice venue. Its well away from everywhere else in Shepard’s Bush, we actually went to the wrong three venues first.

It looks like a house from the outside but once you are in it’s like a massive old ballroom. Aviv was brilliant he sounds a mix of Stereophonics , Placebo, Robbie and Maroon 5 which sounds odd but its brilliant. He is in exile from his country of origin Israel for the political views he has on Israel’s freedom and the fact he was there when the president was shot, a president whose views he backs 100%. The music is brilliant and you should really check him out.

Randomly I was reunited with one of the PR guys I deal with at Bent. He sorted all of Afrika, Afrika out for me and has now promised me he will get me seats near Madonna when she goes. We went to the party after where I met the fabulous Leisa and Kate. Randomly Aviv is managed by the same people as Atomic Kitten who I was a huge fan of in my ‘gay youth’. So now I have wangled some tickets to their reunion gig on Saturday.

Today has been a lovely reunion with Mr Moon who I used to go out with 8 years ago. It had been so long that until he reminded me why we had split up; the memory is going in my old age. We had a really nice meal in Balan’s a very long and drunken reunion all in all. So as you can see the whole week has been full of reunions. Oh bar one which has been cancelled, no Panto reunion tomorrow sadly.