Saturday, June 28, 2008

A Midsummer Nights Dream

A warm sunny evening (which I had been worried would turn out to be a rainy one) in the open air watching Shakespeare was the perfect Saturday night tonight. Maybe this is another sign of my early middle age? I was in The Rookery in Streatham Common to watch Big Sis as Helena, a fairy (snigger) and Peter Quince in A Midsummer Nights Dream. I haven’t watched Shakespeare for ages and actually did A Midsummer Nights Dream for GCSE so I was excited with slight reservations, I thought Shakespeare wasn’t my cup of tea my opinion has now been changed.

I had brought an unlikely pair of supporters, unlikely as in them not as in unlikely for my sis – the gays love her! I was with my husband and my ex boyfriend, who actually gang up on me. I will say I am never shopping with them ever again, part of the joy of the ‘open air’ was that you could sit and eat and drink as much as you liked as the show was on. The picnic was the route of a 40 minute shop based solely on three of the most indecisive gay men you have ever met, we agreed on booze that was all, and I actually had to walk off at one point. Six bottles of Bucks Fizz and a bag of sumptuous goodies to eat later we got the bus to the venue, almost door to door.

My sis had been worrying that it wouldn’t be as good as its first night five star reviews and she needn’t have worried, a mixed audience of young children to some golden oldies were laughing and at several points impromptu clapping from the performances on show. Not being biased but Holly as Helena was simply wonderful, her comic timing was spot on and I was in hysterics during the ‘Spaniel’ scene. Titania was fabulous but I do think that Bottom stole the show, with Puck just a little behind, oh I made a bottom joke then.

Here are some photos from the show starting with my dates for the evening the husband and the ex…

Holly dressed as a man aka Peter Quince

A wonderful Titania


The Spaniel Scene


A gathering of Fairy Folk


Puck & King of the Fairies


A brilliant Bottom

Holly the Hussy… sorry Helena the Hussy

If you have the chance please do go and see this its brilliant the link is http://www.facsimileproductions.co.uk/ I laughed, drank and like the rest of the audience had quite A Midsummer Nights Dream of an evening!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Foundling Museum

Tonight was the TLS (Times Literary Supplement) Summer Party and I had the honour of being invited to a wonderful event in the most amazing venue. The party was in full force when I arrived at The Foundling Museum with various authors, journalists and then the likes of me (ha) enjoying canap├ęs, alcohol and the fantastic art in an amazing historical building. It was like on of those gallery openings or fabulous parties you get in Sex & the City… sort of. We weren’t allowed red wine as apparently it can destroy paint, you learn something random every day.


I have to admit had it not been for going tonight I would have had no idea that The Foundling Museum existed and certainly not in the centre of London. It looks on approach like one of the houses that you would get in Pride and Prejudice, one that belonged to a wealthy family. The history of the building is in fact that it was once part of a hospital and home for the children left unwanted that building was sadly mainly demolished in 1926. Its estimate at the time of the hospitals opening in 1793 that up to a thousand babies and children or more a year were left deserted in London.

Like most galleries and museums today it now houses its permanent galleries and its temporary ones, the current temporary exhibition is the works of the Italian painter Giuseppe Fioroni and the paintings are absolutely beautiful. It was actually artist William Hogarth who started the museum “encouraged leading artists of the day to donate works to the children’s home, with the aim of attracting wealthy potential benefactors” and you can still see some of these works today. One particular Hogarth Painting located on the ground floor has a brilliant story behind it, I will leave that for your visit and the guides to tell you but it involves prostitution, persecution and some very good luck, sounds like a novel.


What amazed me was the free reign that we had in the venue (which can be hired out obviously), three floors of fantastic art work and on the fourth floor is an amazing collection of Handel’s original music compositions and books, and it’s absolutely wonderful. I should really have written more about the party but the building was the star of the show for me. You can find out much more about it at http://www.foundlingmuseum.org.uk/ it’s honestly worth a visit.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Married A Month

‘Happy Anniversary Baby’ was the greeting I got when I phoned Mr S at work. I was puzzled as he is very good with anniversaries and I am not, I remember our actual anniversary as it was his birthday but its in November not June. He will literally remember the anniversary by month of when we got engaged, when he moved in, everything. I on the other hand only feel that two need to be remembered long term. ‘What anniversary?’ I asked. He was unimpressed. ‘It’s a month we’ve been married baby.’ Oh! Now I was actually very good buying him a present on the first week and first fortnight, the month anniversary had slipped me by. I think this has a lot to do with too much research on the Mitford’s and also worrying about my mother, more of both of these in a blog some other time.

So a month has whizzed past in fact time has really flown by, and we still haven’t been on honeymoon. The honeymoon is being sorted in the background at the moment I just have a massive deadline looming so once everything is handed in I can holiday in bliss.

Has anything changed, I don’t think it has especially? I love him more and more, I know that’s very ‘smug married’ but it is indeed true I have never thought he was cuter. I asked Mr S what had changed bar his surname. ‘Well frankly I just feel an extra load of responsibility.’ I am so glad that romance isn’t dead; we did both notice there was a slight difference after the whole ‘wedding’ had calmed down, there’s an extra bond.

I think we both now think as a ‘we’ now more than a ‘me’. I have also become some kind of deranged housewife. I have never cooked this many pies, cakes, curries etc from scratch in my life, all because I just want to, its very wrong. We are going out together a lot more but that might be more to do with his new job. We are still having sex (possibly more) so that myth is a load of rubbish… so far! We also annoy each other tenfold, the nit picking seems to have started in Mr S, and he has also used the expression ‘what’s yours is now mine you know’ twice. We have decided we need a bigger flat and possibly some new pets (we had our first major row over a kitten I had said yes to, I lost and missed out on a gorgeous moggy), mind you I have noticed Mr S is now looking at adoption sites, but that is a whole can of worms I am not quite ready for yet, give me a year or two. For now I am just enjoying it being us, oh and the cat.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Dreams & Nightmares

Dreams are odd things aren’t they? Nightmares are indeed evil and odder things. I have been mulling this over for the past week, it was an idea for something I was going to write but didn’t work, and I have been keeping a list of the things that I have been dreaming about for the last week, not that I will list them all.

Some people don’t remember there dreams, I cannot imagine what this must be like… boring I guess. I am the opposite I am a big dreamer (and yes sometimes in the day too) and they stick with me, not every single one as we apparently have thousands a night, dreams in fact only apparently last between a minute and 3 minutes real time yet they can last months in your head. Most of my dreams I noticed from last week were about money, family and friends, famous people, big brother and sex (though we wont discuss the latter as Mr S calls it mental cheating), I was shocked I had dreamt about Big Brother so much.

I always have had dreams that are based around what I am watching and sadly this year Big Brother is something I have been avidly watching, though I do think its gone very boring suddenly. So naturally I have been dreaming I am in the house with all of them blah, blah. When I was younger well in my teens I used to have similar dreams based on my viewing. The New Adventures of Superman was a favourite for a while, there was a long standing run of dreams involving being the latest housemate in This Life (funnily enough I haven’t dreamt of being a new farmer on The Archers… yet).

Last year I was heavily dreaming I was in Torchwood and Doctor Who which was fantastic. How do our heads come up with such vivid dreams and why oh why can we not control them? It appears my reading is effecting my dreams as I dreamt about a man who jumped from a building and splattered on the street, I am reading Tess Gerritsens ‘The Apprentice’ and that’s pretty much the opening scene, only it’s a plane not a roof.

I had the one we all have, I dreamt I had received a mammoth amount of money and had been on a major shopping spree, so real was it that when I woke up I looked instantly for one of the things I had bought and had that sinking feeling when realised that no it was a dream.

Nightmares are something that I used to get lots of when I was a child, two that I particularly remember are one where a car was following me in the woods and had a witch in the front seat who I knew was going to kill me, and another of a giant that chased me followed by an evil ballerina who as she spun made the noise of nails on a blackboard, she by far was my childhood worst nightmare, and I can still see her now. I used to have these nightmares reoccurring quite often.

I had two nasty ones last week. One was that Bong was really, really cross with me and wouldn’t speak to me or explain why he was so angry. I had a horrid morning after that where as he died last year I couldn’t phone him to see if it was true or not and so just felt crappy all day. The other which was very strange was that I ended up with a second husband (don’t know what happened to Mr S poor swine) who was a combination of two of my ex’s we had children and everything was lovely until he murdered us all. The strangest bit was afterwards when I had died I was in a car being driven to the site I was buried under and daisies had spelt out mine and my children’s names to show the police where our bodies were.

Mr S said the next day ‘I think your sleeping head is mental’, he could be right only I find that ironic coming from someone who sings in Portuguese in the night, dreams of ‘funny dogs’ and had the nightmare that the devil locked him in a toilet and woke up screaming loudly.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Philadelphia on Film

I have always avoided this film, I don’t know why; I think part is that I have a love hate relationship with Tom Hanks. Sometimes I think that he is brilliant, others dire. Also as I actually just thought that the film would be dull and miserable. It is neither; well it’s very moving but not miserable, the acting is fantastic.

Tom Hanks is brilliant as Andrew Beckett a hardworking and promising lawyer who contracts AIDS and suddenly is fired over a ‘misplaced’ document, though the underlying reason is his health and sexuality, so he decides to fight. There is a rawness and mixture of despair and anger that I don’t think I have seen before even in his best performances. (He also looks quite good as a rugged skinhead early on, wrong but true.) I think when he gets denied by the final lawyer to be represented the silent face shot of him is heartbreaking.

The lawyer who turns him down and who used to work opposite on cases against Joe Miller is played by Denzel Washington, another actor that I have never been really keen on, again hit and miss. Another superb piece of acting, a homophobic and AIDS fearing lawyer defending the very person who sums up the things he dislikes. He does this incredibly convincingly and again it’s the scenes with no words that he excels at in this film.

Antonio Banderas though not in it very much was great as the concerned and despairing lover of Andrew. He kept reminding me of Mr S, must be the accent sort of. Mary Steenburgen is also excellent as the shrewd lethal opposing council when she interogates Beckett it is a heart stopping and heart breaking moment, and the Board of Lawyers who fire Beckett are superbly vile, a fantastic cast.

I have to say I was unsure on the opera scene at first but it moved me to tears, I was a pure cynic at the start thinking they were literally going for the violins.

Naturally having fallen in love with the City of Brotherly love for me Philadelphia was also a star of the show. In fact the opening credits which pan across the whole of its skyline and streets brought a small lump to my throat for different reasons than the rest of the film, which ‘moved me’ (I don’t want people thinking I am a big cry baby now do I?) greatly several times.

If you haven’t seen this film you must see it, if you have seen it you should watch it again.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Bloody Landlords, Bloody Broadband, Bloody Bunged Up, Bloody, Bloody, Bloody

Can you tell I have been a bit grumpy this week? I am royally unimpressed with my landlords who sent me a delightful note in the post saying I have been aware that they have been paying my gas and now could I please send them a grand. Erm, sorry? I was absolutely furious. I have always believed I was on a combination bill as I don’t have a meter in my flat. It now turns out that we actually don’t have a meter in the building, it may be in the shop next door? What the heck? Can I also state I have now been living here 18 months and I think they could have sent me something sooner if this was the case? I have since had a very fraught conversation with my agents who still haven’t given me a new fridge after a month of it not working; maybe I should send the astronomical food bills for same day meals to them? I ended up marching to the CAB office for advice, just as I was about to see one of them the agents phoned apologising. Mr S and I just want our new HOUSE now, yes house! How exciting!

Then we had a power cut on Tuesday night, which involved Mr S getting really freaked out (seriously this man was scared) and myself stubbing my toe. We did get to use some of our lovely new wedding presents (no, we didn’t make a big fire with them all) candles, on is monstrous and fabulous, we also got to have a chat with the lovely neighbours upstairs who have a very cute baby. Is it wrong I usually avoid my neighbours at all costs?

Today my wireless started playing up quite badly, just switching on and off as it felt the need and then not finding my BT hub. After a very long call to India, sorry to BT I was told I would need to buy a network cable so they could get into my laptop and hob and sort it all out. It cost bloody £20 to get a bloody cable I only need once. I begrudgingly paid it and then spent a further hour and a half on the phone to India; I mean BT before it was sorted. I have to say the new member of staff I spoke to was lovely. The problem, the power cut had reset everything as they were plugged in at the time, lets hope that doesn’t happen again, at least I now have the lead if it does.

AS for being bunged up, I keep getting these odd colds and combine that with bloody hay fever I am streaming sore eyed mess. I think Mr S and I just keep passing a mild summer cold between us, is it me or is hay fever worse this year?

So that plus deadline and still not sleeping I haven’t been the biggest fun, and the fact I am too ill to go to the B Boy Painting Party tonight is too much. At least I still have James Bond to keep me going! God woe is me, I hope this pants phase cuts itself out soon, and I want to be writing upbeat fabulous blogs, I guess life isn’t always like that! Oh some good news I am now on S in my alphabetical mp3 player cleansing!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Shameful Self Loving...

Yes its very rare that I do this but the latest edition of FS Magazine is out now and I am one of the contributors. This is the cover in case you all want to run out and get my first edition...

Or you can simply download the blinker from here http://www.gmfa.org.uk/aboutgmfa/our-work/fs-magazine by clicking on said picture. Then feel free to email the editor and tell him how fabulous this issue was just cos of me... I am joking! It's made by GMFA and they are an exceptionally worthy cause so please grab a copy and have a flick, be warned there is sex in there hem, hem!

Short and sweet... am on deadline!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Porn Stars, the Marquis De Sade, Naked Cyclists and the Hustlaball

I don’t think you could ask for more than that for a Saturday when you have been feeling just a little bit miserable. Yes yesterday I really had all of these in my life and frankly I felt a bit of a lucky biatch!

First up was a photo call for Lukas Ridgeston, who is one of the Bel Ami boys or in layman’s terms he is a Porn Star, at Prowler where he was signing copies of his latest DVD (I was shocked that a porn DVD can be £62… I have no longer got my finger on the pulse; I used to work for Prowler) in the Blue Room. I was joined by Muffintop and Mr Muffintop who is now doing the London photo’s for Bent. Now for a straight guy in a porn store he took it like a man, ha, pun intended. Whilst he was flashing (his camera) away they very kindly put some porn on the big screen in there. Well Muffintop kept looking at it and jumping with shock, and then peering at it through fingers. Mr Muffintop was fine, he watch a bit and then came out with the classic line ‘I think I own those pants, yeah I do they are Ginch Gonch’. Mr Muffintop is a legend. Here is Muffintop with the porn star…

Oh no, this is…

Thanks to Mr Muffintop for the photos. Afterwards we went and had a celebratory lunch of Dim Sum (shock horror) together before Mr Muffintop had to go and sell a white van to a white van man. It all sounded very butch and straight. Myself and Muffintop decided to have a mooch in Waterstones. It lasted over 2 hours. It was simply divine. I bought nothing like a good boy; Muffintop must have been inspired by Lukas as she grabbed a gorgeous copy of the Marquis De Sade’s ‘Philosophy in the Boudoir’. We decided to head fro a nice coffee, we like people watching and deciding what their stories are or what they should have worn instead. On the way we were surrounded by a mass of naked cyclists, literally. We were in the middle of the road crossing when every way we looked we were suddenly naked people, naked bums, naked everything. I later found out it was ‘World Naked Bike Ride’ Muffintop and I are debating doing it next year, we thought it was a fabulous way to address Climate Change.

Tonight was a big night in Vauxhall, and my very first ever, for the Hustlaball a night of debauchary. I was there to meet Chi Chi La Rue which ended up being a quick ‘hello’ as she was spinning the decks. Her music was fabulous. While waiting for Mr S I bumped into the lovely D who I hadn’t seen for a while and certainly not in bondage gear, there were some sights. I have never seen someone as shocked as Mr S later on; we went into the ‘Hard On’ room where some cowboys were on stage letting anyone ‘facilitate’ their needs. Mr S just couldn’t cope; it was like Muffintop in the Blue Room all over again. He almost passed out at the 'live shows' they put on. We finally left at around 5am when I was suddenly aware the stitches in my leg were leaking and I shouldnt really be out. It’s all glamour isn’t it?

Friday, June 13, 2008

That Shula, She's An Open Book

Being ill and bed ridden gives you a little too much time on your hands, and rather than dwell on the misery of how sore my leg has been or how de-motivating Zorro is to read, I decided I would tell you of my new discovered love of Radio 4. Yes this blog is filled with it all, the thrills and spills of a mid twenties life, newspaper debates, shopping in Ikea and now Radio 4. There will be a lot of nudity coming in the blog over the weekend, I promise.

So back to Radio 4, well on a whim a Sunday ago Mr S was out shopping and I wanted to do some cleaning (a very rare event) I didn’t want to half watch a DVD or one of the music channels and I didn’t want to clean to Kylie which is always what spurns me on through the oven grime. So after always hearing how wonderful it is, from my Gran and my mother – it worries me how similar we are becoming and I swore I never would, I decided to give the Archers a go, plus Tamsin Grieg is on it though not at the moment which is a real shame. Thanks to BBC iPlayer I managed to get the omnibus from the week before, so I had over two hours of Archer’s joy in a row. Well now I am hooked.

It has to be said not a ridiculous amount happens in Ambridge in each episode but then it is only 15 minutes which I can actually say is perfect timing for a sudden ‘oh no’ moment. Well I am now ridiculously involved, I don’t care that Matt Crawford was adopted (neither does he – I am hoping some sick twist will mean he’s sleeping with his sister but that’s more of a storyline for other soaps) it doesn’t mean you can throw people out of their lovely barn to make lots of money. I also have to say that my favourite character is Shula; I don’t like her at all she is one of those royally annoying interfering do-good busy bodies. I have never known such an interfering and currently rumoured to be racist (she isn’t, well she’s a bit of a bigot in other ways) church warden but what a fabulous character. Oh and what’s kicking off with the funeral in Ireland? It’s fabulous. Highest debate of the village this week… should they have sausage rolls at Ruth’s 40th?

Now deciding to catch up on that opened a right minefield of other fabulous things I have missed on Radio 4. Book at Bedtime or A Good Read anyone, Woman’s Hour? Open Book with Mariella Frostrup who has one of the jobs I am most envious of (The Book Show on Sky and now this) plus she is friends with George ‘Delicious’ Clooney. Susan Hill was on last weeks so that was interesting. You’ll have to see my new book blog for more on her and these once it’s sorted, days now I promise. So thanks to Radio 4 what could have been a few days in painful hell has been in middle twenties (early middle age) heaven. So I thought I should blog about it unashamedly. That will be all.

Oh I shoudl have written about the fact its Friday the 13th, but I forgot until just now! Oh dear!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I'm An Accident Waiting To Happen

Police, Doctors & Nurses I’ve had them all today…

I feel like I have met half of the services in Tooting today bar firemen (one can dream) who I hardly ever see around here actually, maybe I should start a rampant fire on the roof terrace or become a pyromaniac? We had a rude awakening this morning with the police once again raiding our flats, only not for the same man. You watch today carries on being like The Bill… yes, melodrama and bad acting!

It was on waking up and getting out of bed so quickly that a pain shot through my leg, I forgot about for a while as I was having a small questioning, until I felt the trickle. No I had not wet myself, though it did cross my mind.

I have had what I have been trying to convince myself as simply a spot for the last few weeks even though its been the size of a two pence piece. It is now clear it isn’t a spot of any kind as you could see inside my leg after some sort of explosion inside. Nice image that isn’t it? Mr S wasn’t taking my ‘oh its fine’ bulls**t either, he was actually very forceful. You see as some of you will know I have had a bad few years with ‘lumps and bumps’ and ‘cancer scares’ so though I am always on ultra watch with lumps I do go into some kind of denial. Like in this instance for example.

So after discussing the matter with NHS direct ( I refused to go straight to hospital through slight fear and also not wanting to waste anyone’s time) I was ushered to St Georges Walk In Centre before Mr S then dashed off to work, not so much the knight in shining armour he though he was in my books frankly. I then waited an hour (they are doing building works and have restricted hours at the mo – typical) before being sent to A&E where a lovely young man told me that I should really be stitched up, but as it was open they would send me to another ward to have a biopsy done, it ended up being removed – not my leg the ‘mass’.

There was one fabulous scene in the Walk In Centre that made me smile. A woman barged in shouting ‘I have broken my fingers’, the nurses simply said, ‘we aren’t seeing anyone I am afraid for an hour due to the works on the building and we don’t have X-Rays here, please go to A&E’.
‘What and have to wait half my life’ she slammed her fingers on the counter ‘I am a very busy woman.’
‘The wait in A&E is currently 45 minutes, which fingers have you broken?’
‘These’ the woman wiggles ‘its awful’.
‘I’m sorry madam but I don’t think those fingers are broken’ the nurse looks a little tired of the whole scene.
‘Did I say fingers? I meant I have broken my femur.’ With that she swooped out.

So what’s the state of play now? Hopefully they think it’s just a cyst that simply was ‘bursting’ to get out, time will tell and I am a little worried. More worrying was however the matter of getting home. I ended up getting a taxi the massive two streets away. I have since grabbed my book, a bottle of water, the remotes and my laptop as I now have to endure (oh like it will be a hardship) two or three days of bed rest. I only hope I am up and running for this weekends Hustlaball.

Before I go and watch endless BB (get that evil Alexandra out NOW) and The Apprentice Final (come on Claire) I do want to say something.

I want this blog to be honest upfront and real, without being preachy or any of that bollocks, apart from today. I have shown you what you should NEVER do when you have a lump, and after my history I should know better, however I am learning and hope have shown that when you get a lump or ‘funny spot/mole’ get it checked pronto! I cannot state this strongly enough, I hopefully am fine I should however have stopped pretending things were fine for the last week and gone there snappish.

Preach over.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Was I Once An Angel?

Saturday night was really odd. Really, really odd. I went back to an old haunt, and I don’t mean somewhere that I used to go to a few years ago, I am talking almost a decade ago. No I wasn’t up north, no I wasn’t somewhere in the south, I was in East London and what felt like a different lifetime ago and that was just the tube journey.

I went to a pub I used to work at as one of the bar men/bar sluts called The Angel in Stratford, actually its much more Plaistow but that’s a minor issue. The major issue is how bloody long it took to get there, not that I was thanked. The reason to support an ex and now friend, who used to DJ there as now he is back doing the decks once again. We met there back in 1999 when believe it or not I was quite innocent, no you are right don’t believe that. He was the DJ and I was the bar boy and we sort of hit it off.

Back then I was new to London, living in a small room in nice house where I didn’t really fit in, they were all quite a lot older (and I didn’t want to sleep with any of them) and I was working days at The Millennium Dome. I was under 18 (but don’t tell the landlords that) and the world was my oyster. Only I didn’t know what the hell to do with it. The Angel became my hang out and I became very gay, I mean as camp as Christmas and then some, there wasn’t a Steps routine I didn’t know.

We split up (after he cheated – it obviously scarred me for life when we met up after 8 years I had forgotten) and I went back to Portsmouth for a while and then came back. I moved into a one bedroom flat with my best friend at the time and we were so poor we would eat pasta and mayonnaise with herbs every night. We made a clique and thought we were so all that with some other gals and gays back then. I actually may have to find some pic’s and scan them from back in these days, I look a different person let alone feel like one! Plaistow did have its pro’s, I dated a TV presenter for a while, I met Panders and actually went past our old house on the way home. It was weird.

Coming back married, settled and much happier was strange. ‘Do you see anyone you know?’ DJ ex asked, I said no, but I had. In one corner sat an old acquaintance who I had known very well and seeing him with the same people, the same girls hanging on and acting like well we wont be bitchy but you know what I mean, and I thought, thank god I got away from that. I couldn’t leave quick enough, not because I didn’t want to stay to the fabulous tunes, but because a) I had a bloody long journey home and b) this Simon and that Simon then no longer have anything in common, and that felt quite odd and uncomfortable. Will I go back… time will tell, maybe I should take the husband?

Friday, June 06, 2008

A Day Wasted That Should Be Shelved

Today has been one of those days that makes you cross, you know really cross. Today has felt like a day wasted, and I hate those which is odd as I am one major procrastinator. The plan was to get up at 9am (which is unfunny as I have major insomnia) to then head to Ikea and pick up the delicious ‘art deco, mono, floral patterned’ shelves we want, they sound vile believe me they are divine.

Well I cried when the alarm went off. I was a) in the middle of a nice dream b) have had no more than 12 hours sleep in the last week, thank the lord there is no photo to match this blog – I look like death c) the cat has taken to needing to be cuddled in the night, this is fine, apart from the fact that when you stop/rollover she feels the need to wake you up with claws on face to cuddle her again. So I postponed the alarm for another hour, only then Mr S wanted cuddles. Cuddles are good for you, unless that is you’re someone who has insomnia and loves their sleep.

So fair enough we were an hour behind, only then I noticed that the air was feeling slightly pollinated. Within minutes I was sneezing, one the 12th sneeze I think Mr S was a little puzzled and concerned, by the 16th I did something I didn’t think was possible… threw up from sneezing. I had sneezed so hard it must have jerked my stomach in an odd way or something. I also had a headache which throwing up always makes worse, I later noticed I hadnt had a coffee until over 4 hours after I woke up, thats trouble right there!

We got to Ikea two hours behind schedule after a horrid trip on the Tram where I had no tissues and had forgotten to take the antihistamine and left it on the kitchen side (I was very worried the cat would eat it) I felt vile and by this point my eyes hurt so much only the thought of the shelves with my books on them looking fabulous was the only thing going for me. We found them… too heavy, seriously far too heavy. Two of us couldn’t carry one box. So we thought oh naff it lets get it delivered. Forty bloody pounds!?! No.

So we thought it through and have decided to wait. We are moving to a bigger nicer flat in less than two months so we’ll get them delivered then, only we are gonna spent over £300 so we get it all delivered free, it’s a cheek! We then left with nothing other than a new cat kitchen mat for her majesty’s bowls. We wanted some of the gayest most brilliant bowls for her… out of stock. They have crown stamps on the inside in gold on a silver bowl, genius. She loved the basket we got her last week, she only uses it when I am not in bed but it’s a bonus.

I wanted to go home; Mr S wanted me to get the tram to the Home Office in Croydon, as he has a meeting there next week. After a 40 minute traipse we realised we had gone past it. We then looked at the shops, literally looked as I was now feeling so ill it was untrue. I slept on the tram back.

I wanted to do loads this evening, write a blog about last night as I met the man who designed and made the first rainbow flag and got to taste new lines of cocktails with him and how pissed Polly got on two of them – oh told you now. Also a blog on BB9 and how freakish I find them all – oh told you that too now. I wanted to finally use the scanner – actually finally plug it in, get the internet phone sorted, start a Mills & Boon to cheer Mitch up, sort out my new book blog which is ‘coming soon’ and so much more. Instead I have been bathing my eyes in cold water every ten minutes and blowing my nose to buggery. Wasted day, can’t bare it!

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Electrical Goods & Bads

I was mortified to notice that when I went to put some new music on my mp3 player that it pronounced it was full. Now anyone who knows me well will know that I like my music and that I download like a demon. So with 30GB full what was I going to have to do? Yes you guessed it I am now going through every single song in alphabetical order to delete the ones I don’t like or know that well. I have so far been amazed by how many songs and artists I don’t know at all, maybe some gremlins have been adding tracks in the night? I also noticed that I have three copies of a few songs (mainly Madonna and Kylie – I hold my hands up) either different mixes, edits or simply several ‘live’ versions, I cannot delete this.

It has taken my down memory lane though. ‘Am To Pm’ takes me to a very fabulous house party on a new years eve, ‘2 Become 1’ ended up on repeat reminding me of my closet years with Mum, ‘Call My Name’ took me back to my time in Colliers Wood, ‘Because I Love You’ took me back to the wedding, and ‘Bag It Up’ took me back to my G.A.Y every Saturday phase. So far I am only just on C which is understandable when you have over 10,000 songs to go for. I could of course just bought a new bigger mp3 player… but this situation will then be allowed to happen again, and I already listen to my Shuffle more than my other as I only put my current 200 favourites on there. I am enjoying really listening to some fabulous old tunes though, I mean when did I download Mel & Kim, the entire Sinitta back-catalogue and the new Gavin Rossdale album? How did I not know I wasn’t in love with Kim Wilde’s ‘Cambodia’, oh because I didn’t know it was there maybe? What a mixture.

Sadly two other electrical ‘bad’ items are in the kitchen. After a small revival the microwave actually sort of blew up finally, there was a definite finality about it as the door sort of shot off its hinges, thankfully we (Mr S, myself or the cat) weren’t in ther so no fatality’s, though my Tikka Masala was buggered. It did something similar the other day but being a cheapskate I thought I would try and use it for as long as possible, no chance now. The other is the fridge, some days the milk stays fine, some day’s it’s off in a few hours, I have phoned the landlord so am sure we’ll receive a new one by 2009 or something like that.

The electrical ‘good’ I am going to discuss is my latest treat for myself. After swearing I would never go back to John Lewis I have actually been back today, I am by no means converted, fear not. I had seen a little something that I didn’t want to buy as a wedding gift but new I wanted. So now sat proudly in the middle of the room still in its box is an All-In-One printer. (Hang on need to run and delete a rubbish Janet ballad… that’s better.) Yes, so now I won’t be asking Muffintop to do printing batches anymore. I also thought that someone who works from home should be equipped with something like this in 2008 frankly. I mostly now love the fact that it has a scanner. Yes, you have been warned, I feel a few photographic gems might be coming out of the woodwork that otherwise would be left sadly in a box. Isn’t technology fabulous?

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Sugar's All Booked Up...

I shall firstly apologise for being so lax on the blogging front, I am afraid I have been away. No not away on some sort of jolly holiday but steadfastly stuck in the Victorian era, deeply embedded, deeply engrossed. Puzzled? I have been reading the epic novel by Michel Faber ‘The Crimson Petal and the White’. Therefore I have been lost in a world of back streets, murder, madness, brothels, perfumeries (which I admit was a bit of a slog) and then ascended to the upper classes. Seriously this book is one I would recommend to everyone, and I don’t normally rave people to read a book on here! Thanks to the delightful heroine and (prostitute) of the novel Sugar, it’s been an exciting few days.

Though I admit I have closed off the world a little for this novel (the writing is small, its over 800 pages, takes some serious concentration and I get grouchy if a book takes me longer than a week unless its Wilkie Collins) that’s not all that I have done. Friday I definitely did something I just simply cannot remember what. Please note if I seem a little rambling and forgetful one thing I haven’t been doing is sleeping I have some serious insomnia.

Saturday I spent the morning in one of those ‘I have had nowhere near enough sleep’ morning which involved lots of cups of tea, Malteaser’s for breakfast, cuddles with Hoyden (the cat) and Sugar and her frankly filthy escapades. Sunday was the Walk for Life, the weather held off and though it wasn’t as sunny as last year it was a lovely day. Met Juliette and Matt there, we randomly lost them somewhere in the 10k of London streets, we did however catch up with Dannii Minogue who was extremely lovely! My people are going to talk to her people and something Bent might happen. Mr S surpassed himself with a fabulous opening line to Miss Minogue ‘Oh I thought you meant Kylie… I like her a lot… oh, erm and you on the X Factor, lots.’ God I love him!

Muffintop met us afterwards and we went for a lovely lunch of Dim Sum, I recommend Lido in China Town whole heartedly, for £20 for the three of us we ate like kings, or queens, and couldn’t finish everything. After that we tried to get tickets for Sex & The City, nowhere in central London could we do this, we ended up getting a later performance in Angel. Meaning we had to spend some time mooching around book stores in Angel, Mr S was so unimpressed. I was impressed I bought nothing. The book ban is working! Sex & The City is brilliant. Muffintop cried several times, Mr S laughed almost non stop and I did a bit of both. Its only going to be a sentence review as I don’t want to ruin it for everyone it been worth the wait though, unlike Indiana Jones & The Stupid Storyline.

Monday was a day of more reading and then the change over of Newspapers that I am testing out. I’ll give you more on that soon. It was also book group it’s always nice to get together with the other book geeks. We discussed ‘The Book of Dave’ at a lovely random Greek/Aussie/South African restaurant on James Street, really nice. The next book is ‘The God of Small Things’. I am a bit book talky at the moment, sorry, I am building a new blog all about books at the moment, nothing to do or be shown on myspace, and blame that. I’ll let you know when it’s sorted, it’s already getting hits and it’s not finished. I want it all sparkly before the unveiling.

Today combined domesticity and work. I met Mr S at Oxford Circus at 3 for the joys of John Bloody Lewis. I hate John Lewis, I think it’s a childhood thing; I was dragged round them endlessly by my mother and grandparents a little too often. Mr S also hates John Lewis you could imagine WWIII was coming, it didn’t. Despite the amount of emails and telling everyone how we didn’t want wedding presents, and if people must they must not get John Lewis anything guess what? Yes, people either a) didn’t get the emails/didn’t know/didn’t care/don’t know me and Mr S very well. Ha, ha, ha I am joking… look at me complete ungrateful c**t!

No seriously… we are grateful as despite the fact you cant get a kettle in there for less than £40 and a double duvet starts at £40 and the pretentious vile people there, we came away with two gorgeous sheepskin rugs (oh my god does that count as fur?!) and the complete Delia Smith collection, a good shopping trip. We have however vowed never to go there again. Why do people always rave about it and Waitrose, overpriced and outrageously so, I mean you can get four kettles in Sainsbury’s for the price of one in JL. Oh it vexed me, you all know I am a bargain boy; this was a treat however and shall be overlooked!

This evening I had a boozy media meeting with the new Magazine I am going to be working on. I have also in the subsequent tube journeys after finishing ‘The Crimson Petal and the White’ managed to read another amazing book ‘The Diving-Bell &The Butterfly’ I think we might all be a bit booked out by now lol. So I will say farewell before I do some research on Chaka Khan and get into bed with George Clooney/Michael Clayton!

P.S For the person who reads this who got the John Lewis vouchers, I love you dearly and the Kylie Collection towels have been our favourite present, and you so know it!