Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Marshalling & Marriage

Well today was my fire warden training day. I was expecting to be setting off extinguishers and getting locked in smoky rooms and trying to work out how to get out. It was a much more relaxed and slightly duller affair than I was expecting. I had G with me which is always good as she always keeps me entertained and engaged though by the end of the whole affair we were both flagging. We did get an awesome slap up lunch… I wanted to go to the Kylie exhibition but knew Mr B would kill me if I went without him.

Afterwards I braved Primark on Oxford Street and its ace. I bought loads of stuff and only spent £23! True it was packed (but not to the point of its opening thank god – I don’t like getting trampled) but then any Primark anywhere is normally full to the brim and a bit like a jumble sale. I got some amazing underwear – I am sure you all wanted to know that.

News of the day (though a fair few of you know) I have told my mother and family so can now officially tell you all that I am getting married! Yes, Mr B is making an honest man of me. I am very excited (more so since I have told the family) though its not going to be until the end of next year, but I would like to get it all sorted asap as would like to have the venue booked! I don’t know if there are any guides for gay men, as Mr Burston is getting hitched at some point to – I think he’s said that – I should ask him if we could co-write a guide together.

Right am off to flick through ‘You & Your Wedding!’

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Dream Jobs... Who'd Have Em

I have to announce that sadly one of my dream jobs is never going to be possible. Yes, Simon becoming the first gay Dr Who assistant just wont work. How do I know? If I can’t cope with the spinning of a full body scan, how will I cope with the Tardis?

To expand on that; as you may all know I have had a health issue of late with lumps and bumps. If anyone calls it my meat and two veg one more time I will kill them. In checking everything they have discovered more lumps and bumps in my arms and legs, so to be safe, I have had to have a full body scan. I now have sea sickness/motion sickness. It whirs around you and is so bloody noisy. ‘You can sleep if you want’ I was told. If I lived on a foghorn farm that might have been fine, as I would be deaf, this contraption was not built for those who are light sleepers. Anyways that’s why I will not be the new Dr Who assistant; it’s a sad day lol.

I am a bit more upbeat this week which is good. Probably to do with Yorkshire on Friday, we have all suddenly got really excited. You would think we were kids getting to go to Disneyland.

Other dream job is going ok. No not the writing, we won’t talk about my book. I always wanted to review books, it’s something in the blood – my mother and Gran are avid book freaks too. So doing it for Waterstones and New Books Magazine is great most of the time. I either love or loathe a book, sadly at the moment the book I am reading has me torn in two directions.

It’s the new Marcus Sedgwick book ‘Blood Red Snow White’ which is out on the 5th of July. It’s interesting as I have read some of his other stuff and really liked it, this book I knew nothing about. It’s for older children and is partly about the Russian revolution, and also biographically about the author Arthur Ransome – the latter is the most interesting. It does have me torn. Chapters are short which is a plus point, but they also seem a bit repetitive. I’m no prude but can I say would you want your kids reading the line ‘the curtains opened and they caught sight for a brief moment of Rasputin, his trousers round his ankles, waving his penis at them’? I am not sure I would.

Anyway that’s left you something to think about, I must go and read the final 60 pages!

It's Who You Know

Monday 23rd April 2007

It is great when you come into the office and have gifts on your desk. TLS (Times Literary Supplement) have the offices next door and there is one woman who I shan’t name lets call her ‘M’ who has become somewhat of a legend to me.

She lets me go through the books she receives and no longer needs, and is just so sweet. Example one; a few weeks ago I was raving to her about Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier, then she saw I was reading Jamaica Inn and suddenly there she is with a special as yet to be released book all about Daphne and her work. Example two; have told her am off to Haworth this weekend to see the Bronte’s home and will be devouring all things Bronte. On my desk today was an early edition of ‘Bramwell’ the tale of the Bronte brother and a sweet little note. This kind of thing gives me hope in people. It’s also nice that with an estimated age gap of about 20/30 years we get on so well.

Also in addition (novelists/authors now is the time to start sucking up) she heard me discussing my reviewing for Waterstones and is recommending me to one of the Fiction editors to write the ‘in brief’ section about great fiction… it’s too much!

This will come as no surprise to you… it has royally cheered me up.

In a sad book turn of events, I have given up reading ‘The Last Witchfinder’ by James Morrow. I really wanted to get into it and was, but with having to fit in a review of a new children’s book for Waterstones and having to start a Bronte Book before Friday – I just haven’t got the time. From what I read its great, so will pick it up again soon!

So Long Stockport

Sunday 22nd April 2007

I am sat in Virgin’s first class coach again. So far (I do not wish to tempt fate) bar the train arriving 5 minutes late as we were assured it was still on time, the journey has been ok. True first class is not serving tea and coffee as it should and there is an unknown child on here (see last Sunday’s Blog) but so far I haven’t paid to upgrade, and also the child in question is quite cute and has even made me smile and wave at her a few times. Shocking behaviour I know.

The weekend has been (bugger I just got charged to upgrade – Virgin really are pigs, if there was any justice after last week I would have gotten it free) quite a laugh although Aunty A broke down today which was really upsetting, I may come back to that later, I may not.

As you know I arrived late on Friday (sorry just working out how attractive the ticket man is – its fine not as cute as Mr B) and was met, whisked back to theirs and fed some rather delicious chilli. We then watched Peep Show which I still think is shit, talked about Mr B, talked about weddings and then went to bed – I was a bit tired and pathetic. I also wanted to start really getting into ‘The Last Witchfinder’ – its not really happening yet – and just have some sleep catch up.

Woken on Saturday by what I thought was an alarm hidden somewhere in the room only to discover that it was my grandparents ringing the front doorbell. We sat and chatted for quite a while then we went (I have just been laughing at a train spotter in Rugby, why do people do that hobby it’s pointless) out to Stockport. It’s nice; I bought some stuff, not really much to right home about. Did however have some awesome Bitter, I normally don’t like it but this was delicious it was called ‘Bearly Literate’ and made from the unwanted yeast etc in the mill next door. Then went to a few more pubs, back to get Guardian and Telegraph (still no news on that competition) then Dr Who, which was good.

Had a curry (my grandparents proved to be extremely un-pc the whole meal long) which I thought was superb, Gran got annoyed about something and kicked Bong, always nice to see. I then went back and went to bed. Oh Gran asked me about Mr B, she has blatantly been told all the latest and just wanted to act like she was so with it! Made me laugh… inside, I didn’t want her kicking me under the table.
Today has seen me (this kid is actually quite a sweetie) watch PM’s son N in a Parade for St Georges Day through Stockport, watch Aunty A break down about the fact she’s going into hospital as she can’t conceive (I felt heartbroken and really upset seeing her like that – she will be amazing when she has kids) and have a nice Sunday lunch and yet am now hungry. I may in fact have to bite the bullet now and give Virgin even more money for a sandwich which irks me quite strongly! I can almost feel a sulk coming, but I won’t let it.

First Class Chaos

Friday 20th April 2007

I am on the train to Manchester. I have not had a good week with Virgin bloody trains and today is the highlight of shite, even that rhyming isn’t making me smile. I phoned Virgin on Tuesday to sort out my tickets up north. Now I know Manchester is a popular destination on a Friday, but I am not even aiming to get all the way there, and a ticket is £219.00 return, which can (to put it mildly) kiss my arse.

You see I am off to stay with my Aunty A – she’s getting hitched this year and it’s all very exciting. Sadly the venue is in Matlock which though my home town technically is not that home town of my heart and is a bit shit, but this day will be awesome. Sorry I ran off at a tangent then. So she lives in Heaton Chapel which is sort of almost Stockport (gulp) and so I looked at tickets to Stockport, and then came the aforementioned ridiculous price. So I asked how much it is to Heaton Chapel. “£59.40 return… but you have to change” well frankly for that discount I couldn’t care if I went via Edinburgh, I asked where? “Stockport” there was a long pause in which I seethed “but you must not get off there, you have to change”. What sort of a joke is that, how can they stop me? I mean really what a bunch of tits!

Today is the day of the journey. I wanted the 18.35 train as you can upgrade to first class for £15 which at the saving I made I really couldn’t give two hoots about spending! When it came to 18.30 it seemed every single person from London ran over Euston station (it was like the Oxford Street Primark opening) to Platform 15. Miffed doesn’t quite cover how I felt right then. We then get told if you don’t have a reservation then please take the 18.30 train to Manchester. Excuse me but what if you’re not just going to Manchester, the two trains went in very different directions and most importantly are you not aware the time is 18.32?

That train hadn’t gone; I am now sat on it! I am in first class; I have not paid for the upgrade and am not expected to. First class passengers have been told to get the 19.01 train – sorry but shouldn’t first class passengers do what the fuck they like the amount they pay even if they are posh bastards? However I am late by thirty bloody minutes, the people in first class are not normal first class people i.e. quiet and keeping themselves to themselves as they’ve paid the earth. I am such a snob, when I lived in Matlock first class would have been a dream – time to for a little self check – I think it’s just because I am Virgin Vexed! Oh the trains now stood still, great! I need to get a car, pronto.

The Great Depression

Tuesday 17th April 2007

Despite the sun being out and everyone being lovely and Mr B making me happy, I am depressed. My doctor says it so it must be true. I told G and she looked at me like ‘oh even I could have told you that one’. I’m not sure that it’s that severe, I mean who likes worrying about their health? I think that’s the two factors really, health and work. My ultra sound results have come back and there is definitely an abnormality, and yes I am most definitely having a full body scan for the other lumps and bumps it could be as soon as tomorrow.

I’m worried about my health and so I’m not sleeping. Not sleeping is making me tired during the day and so I am not performing at work. Not performing at work means trouble. Trouble means I have to face things in the office I don’t like.

State of health also requires time off (which I must add work are being amazing about and I have a decent support network), time off means not in work as much. Not being in work as much gets you noticed. Getting noticed means people have logged I am behind. Simon thinks (maybe its paranoia) that people quite like this, Simon however isn’t. Simon then takes work home meaning any social life and relaxation can go bugger itself, Simon Savidge then cannot sleep.

It’s a vicious circle of evil, my doctor has suggested I take a break – I laughed in his face… almost. The idea of me having a holiday at the moment is one big joke. Yes, I am off to Yorkshire so that will be a break, but by break I think he means take some time for myself and sod everyone else, the later sounds more than appealing as currently I do hate everyone I know at some point in the day.

There are however some rays of light in my life. I received an early copy of Siobhan (the ex ginger Sugababe) Donaghy’s album ‘Ghosts’ – it’s bloody awesome possibly my favourite album of the year so far. ‘Sometimes’ really cheers me up (for five minutes) even though it’s about what pigs men are. The other is finally I have the whole of Most Haunted 5! Hoorah. Simple things please Simple Simon I guess. The other things are next week I may have a day off through hospital, am training on Weds and off to Yorkshire on Fri meaning a three or two day week, that could make me very much happier – ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh hang on, that means I have more time and work to make up… bugger! See? Evil bloody cycle.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Sherlock Holmes and the Wax Museum

Sunday 15th April 2007

Having decided to make ‘Sunday’s Count’ recently Mr B and I decided that we would head out and have a full day. To be honest with you I don’t think we could have crammed anything else in!

We rose early (which is the only thing that I don’t like about the new Sunday counts idea) to head up to Baker Street. The original plan was to go to The London Dungeons, however it is the last Sunday of Easter and that will mean one thing… too many bloody kids. I like children, don’t get me wrong, but I only like the ones I know or get introduced to. Strange children are not my favourite thing, especially in big groups and when they are over excited. They seem to look at you like you are possibly going to be the result of a bad prank, either that or you are going to make them cry, or they could nick £50 off you. No unknown children and tourist attractions do not mix, well at least when I am at said attraction.

So after seeing The Sherlock Holmes museum last week we thought why not? I mean I hero worshipped him when I was a child and my great uncle used to memorise his adventures and recite them to me on 10mile a day walking holidays. I had a very weird childhood, one day I will write my memoirs and then you’ll all be sorry. So we went, its only £6 to get in which in London is frankly a bargain. It’s actually very good. There was an actor being Dr Watson and he talked happily to everyone and had photo’s (Mr B loves a good photo opportunity) with all who entered. It also had some very scary dummies of all the characters, so good in fact I thought Dr Moriarty was going to come to life. It was definitely an hour well spent.

Madame Tussaud’s followed. I hadn’t been there since I was about ten with my grandparents. I have since been told I also had my photo taken with Kylie then too! It was again good. The planetarium is now officially rubbish I have to say. When I last went you got a fascinating tour of the solar system and it was really memorable. This new thing was for kids (if they didn’t get bored after three minutes I would be amazed – I was) and all about ‘why we love celebrities’ I wanted to be sick. The waxworks are good, Kylie hasn’t seemed to change since the 80’s – ok the outfits have, the face has not. That reminds me I have still not been to the Kylie Exhibition.

Funniest moment of the day (well until the one coming later) was Mr B in the Chamber of Horrors ‘Live’. I have never heard a grown man scream so much. He was holding onto men that weren’t me, getting most aggravated when I used him as a human shield from the live actors and generally a nervous screaming wreck. I was in hysterics until he trod on my bloody toe, in flip flops as well.

Regents Park was the scene of the next funny incident afterwards. I told you all about the lovely pedal boat trip I had there a week or so ago with Mr B. Well this week he wanted to row a boat for me. I thought this really romantic until we ended up pushed out in the middle of the lake and him suddenly saying ‘maybe I don’t know how to row after all baby’. What did I do? Those of you who know me will know I am a calm and quite amiable person. Yes, I threw a major hissy fit in which I think the f-word saw the light of day every second, before going very quiet and silently sulking. How grown up me. By the time we got to the gayest pool in London (the Oasis) for a swim and sunbath an hour later I had calmed down somewhat. I even managed to enjoy some sushi at my favourite (its gone a bit shit) restaurant Gili Gulu, so it all ended well I guess.

Oh does anyone know if you’re allowed to write new Sherlock Holmes mysteries? I would love to and have seen someone else has – I don’t know if the Conan Doyle Estate allows it. How do I find out?

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Get Your Party Pants On

Friday 13th April

It was the day I have been dreading for a few days. I had organised the quarterly work party and it happened today. I had made sandwiches, bought endless cakes, crisps, biscuits and jellies (so many jellies I couldn’t actually carry them) and devised a quiz for the whole office to get involved with. I was getting really stressed that everyone thought it would be a load of shit.

It was a success; even the managing director got involved and said how much fun he had. So after it was all over I had a celebratory drink or five. I am now quite royally sozzled and at home.

Oh I must say a big thanks to the man (I won’t name names) who sent me a lovely letter via Bent. I am glad I am helping people in my own little way and was really touched by your letter… yes I have a fan! Right need to do some sleeping as everyone has told me how bloody tired I look. Thanks people!

Nosey Parker Savidge

Thursday 12th April

This is how sad I am. On the tube this morning a woman looked so deeply engrossed in a book that I was jealous (though ‘Jamaica Inn’ is awesome) that I wanted to know what it was. All I could see – she was sat next to me – was the blurb on the back and it was infuriating me. I needed to know what the book was before she put it away or got off the tube.

I tried bending down to act like my laces needed tying up to get a peek, didn’t work. I looked in the window ahead in order to try and read the reflection but couldn’t read it backwards. I was getting so vexed, especially as the blurb looked so good. I then thought maybe the partition before the doors would reflect it no. So instead I had to get up and move to make out like was getting off and finally I saw it. ‘The American Boy’ by Andrew Taylor, I have now done a read it swap it for it!

I am so sad aren’t I?

Saturday, April 14, 2007

A Birds Eye View of London

Wednesday 11th April

I really should work for the tourist information of London. It is great going out with someone who isn’t from the UK. Mr B is from Brazil and so when we can we do all the touristy things that I would otherwise never do. Having family come down is the same again. My aunty Caroline was in town with my cousin Florence and I had promised to take her on the London Eye (I soon regretted it when I remembered the height – I couldn’t stand up the last time I was on it) Mr B hadn’t been on it either so he came along for the ride… literally.

It was so sweet when Florence saw me; she literally ran and jumped into my arms. It’s quite nice being the oldest cousin by 16 years. I can treat them all to lots of things and play with them and be a real silly sod. Maybe that’s what they like? My aunty Caroline did her best to sell me to Mr B by telling him what a good father I would be ‘kids love Simon, he just seems to understand them and they just want to be around him’ Mr B later added ‘because you’re a bloody clown’. You can tell he loves me and worships the ground I walk on cant you?

I coped ok with the 30 minutes of high up hell! Florence wanted me to walk around with her but I physically couldn’t so I just sat down and just said ‘oh look over there Flo’. She had no fear which is great; Caroline got slightly panicked when she saw Florence just leaning on the glass with all her weight. Mr B meanwhile was happily wandering around getting everyone to take his picture! Caroline made me wet myself when it came to the ‘official’ photo that they take at the bottom ‘shall I get my boob out’ she loudly announced.

Caroline had to dash after a meal at ‘Gourmet Pizza’ (which is becoming a new favourite haunt for me due to their legendary Chicken Caesar Salads) and Mr B taking Flo on the helter skelter’s at Tate Modern. Mr B and I were then going to go to the London Dungeon but the queue was horrific being Easter holidays so we went to Westminster, its bloody £10 to get in! I let Mr B go and do some praying in the church nearby and then we went home.

How is my health? Well yesterday was the ultra sound in which I finally have had, no it’s not a baby so that’s good news. I won’t however know the results for a week. I have however got new lumps so with my past history I am off for a full body scan within the next few weeks, delightful. I just don’t quite feel right in myself.

Looking Over London

Monday 9th April

There is nothing quite like looking over London to sort you out. Today I woke up late (after a night in Casualty due to so much BA I almost couldn’t bear it) and took the tube to Hampstead. The destination was the highest part of Parliament Hill. It is featured in so many films (Notes on a Scandal, Scenes of a Sexual Nature to name a few) as the best view of London and it’s a true statement.

Despite the dull ache in my down below area, I just sat there with Mr B and contemplated everything! There were lots of other people enjoying the sun and the sights but it seemed so quiet and still. You can watch the whole world pass by from a great height yet with the ground firmly beneath your feet (most of you will know I have a HUGE fear of heights).

We then walked all around the heath, even seeing people swimming in the lakes – are they crazy? I might give it a go if it gets hotter later in the year. Then it was time for a pint in the gay pub the King William, however how it has changed since I worked in Hampstead last, it’s a bit of a wine only venue. My favourite restaurant is still going strong though. We had a gorgeous dinner at ‘Toast’ which is built in the upstairs of the Underground Station so it has stunning architecture and a really nice vibe. I had forgotten how expensive it was though, we spent £60 and that was after 20% off, I almost passed out!

I was quite sad as we left though, it was the ending of a brilliant weekend and I really didn’t want it to end. I just wish I could win the lottery and never work again, or just write and write and sit on hills whenever I needed time to get my thoughts together. I have to say it did give me some clarity on my writing! I think the fog of writers block is lifting and I might now be able to get back on track.

In the Midst of the Monkeys

Sunday 8th April

I think this weekend I might be starting to sound like I am on the London Tourist Board with these Blogs. So far we have had Equus, Kew Gardens and Thorpe Park. Today was London Zoo.

We arrived at Baker Street and I wanted to show Mr B the home of Sherlock Holmes. I love Sherlock Holmes and have always wanted to go to the Sherlock Holmes Museum so thought we could get in and have a quick nosey. The first thing I had to do was find it. Now I read all the Sherlock Holmes books when I was younger thanks to my great Uncle Derek. So off I went marching saying to Mr B ‘right its 222 we must find it it’s easy.’ We got there and it was a cafĂ©, something didn’t add up for me but I took a picture of Mr B in front of it anyway. Whilst taking the photo he pipes up ‘Simon I think it’s over the road’. I looked back and oh yes there was the Sherlock Holmes Museum. Mr B hilariously (the bugger) added ‘just because you live at 222 doesn’t mean that Sherlock Holmes did’. I had the last laugh however as I found out that he actually thought that Sherlock Holmes was real! Bloody Brazilians lol!

The Zoo was great, its much better than when I last went a few years ago. Easter Sunday may have been a slightly bad day to visit as we queued for about 40 minutes but once we were in there it seemed quite queue free (except for at lunch when the queues were so long I refused to eat anything and then got upset when I was hungry and had a small sulk) and we got to go round everything.

I loved the new enclosures. They have always had the part where you can go in into the eagles den and have them flying over your head. Now though they have a brilliant area where your free and open with the monkeys. It was brilliant having these creatures just jumping over your heads and running around.

I have to let you all know that you can actually be a Zoo Keeper for a day but I have forgotten the website address, but when I have looked it up will update you.

After the Zoo I had a real Bridget Jones moment. Mr B rowed me around the lake in the middle of Regents Park which was really romantic and also slightly worrying as I kept thinking I was going to fall in! I just cant relax can I? I always have to be in control, it was sweet and very relaxing watching the ducks and herons. I liked it a lot!

All The Fun of the Fair

Saturday 7th April

On the second day of my long weekend of spending the same money in London as I would on a holiday abroad it was Thorpe Park on the Simon itinerary. Spanielle had got some buy one get one free tickets and so it was her and Nick, Muffin and Al and me and Mr B.

It was really good fun and we all had a laugh but I think I must be getting a bit of a pathetic old man. I used to be rock hard and would throw myself on any ride going. Muffin who had never been on any rollercoaster’s was harder than me! She was straight on Stealth with the others while I stood in the sidelines – she was sick when she got home though I have been told!

I did have the slight disadvantage of ‘bollock ache’ as I am now referring to it. The pain is getting a little unbearable and the painkillers don’t seem to be having very much effect at all. I still managed ‘Nemesis’ and most of the other big ones but something in the pressure changed caused twinges I haven’t felt before.

Also, we don’t know what was happening at Thorpe that day but every ride seemed to close down. Nemesis was shut when we arrived and then opened, Colossus kept shutting down and we witnessed the engineers at the top of the ride fixing it, I then refused to go on it. I am thinking of emailing them a strongly worded piece about how we couldn’t get on some for ages, and didn’t manage to get to ride a few at all. God, I am turning into my Gran.

Right I need my bed; my head is spinning from all the loops.

The Forgotten Palace

Having decided to make the most of the Easter Weekend with Mr B, the first day of my holiday saw us getting up nice and early on Good Friday in order to make the most of a day at Kew Gardens. I hadn’t been to Kew since I was in secondary school but had seen it a lot in the press last year as they had opened Kew Palace for the first time ever to the public. I also remembered going into some sort of huge greenhouse with a tropical forest in it. So I was excited to see if everything lived up to memory or was better or worse.

I always thought that Kew was miles and miles away (well with London Transport you can get to town in years and years) so I wasn’t looking forward to the trek. The journey only took 40 minutes from Tooting I was quite impressed. I did however have a near miss of bumping into my ex in Wimbledon. He didn’t clock me but I clocked him. I should have gone over and said hello in hindsight, I just felt so weird even seeing him. It’s not that I am in love with him still, but when you are with someone for so long there’s awkwardness and I am not past that yet, but give me time.

Anyway on to the adventures in Kew. It was brilliant. There are loads and loads of different things to do. It is like a big park and a lot more expensive but you don’t get all the different landscapes that they have created there. You can walk through the deserts of America, Australia and then be in the deepest parts of the jungle (via the amazing greenhouses).

Sadly the pagoda isn’t open this year but Kew Palace more than made up for that. If you haven’t heard of it don’t be surprised. Her majesty only opened it to the public last year and its not really been touched since it was closed a few hundred years ago. This to me was amazing you can wander round and see how the walls are made and how decay affects the building over time.

All this fascinated me and Mr B had never been in a palace before so he was enthralled. For me the best part was on the second floor where they have found the old furniture in the attic and two amazing old relics. One is the coat that King George wore through his final months before he died and still has the stains of sick and blood from his ‘madness’ fits. The other was the chair in which Queen Charlotte died which held my morbid fascination for a little too long.

So if you fancy a day in the sun with lots to see, lots to eat (I recommend the Fish and Chips followed by Lavender Ice Cream) and some of the most stunning plant life, tree’s and flowers then this is the place for you. Plus I have even managed to get a bit of a tan!

Going Potty For Daniel

Thursday 5th April

Tonight was the night that Spanielle and I had been excited about for the last month or so since we booked tickets. We went and saw ‘Equus’.

We both freely admit that the only reason that we originally booked the tickets was to see Harry Potter’s willy. I know it’s very sad, and we should really have been more mature but we got the tickets through so it wasn’t like we paid the full whack to see his tackle as that truly would be quite sad.

Now as for the willy itself, it wasn’t that impressive (Spanielle had her binoculars at the ready) but hey it was cold up there and you might get a bit of a nervous, shy and retiring winkle if you had it out in front of several hundred people. What the evening brought me that I didn’t expect was an amazing play.

KC had been telling me all week that I mustn’t get drunk (I did a bit) as it is really, really complicated. I would disagree, I mean the story is certainly no picnic; it deals with a child who has severe mental problems. The speech and particularly the acting make it highly digestible and it whizzes before your eyes.

The story surrounds a boy called Alan Strang who is sort of sexually stimulated by horses and idolises them and the fact that he rides them and then mutilates them. His psychiatrist is the narrator of the piece and was played by the amazing Richard Griffiths (and who I have to say I didn’t realise was as big as he is – I worry for his health) who tells the tale beautifully and gets a few laughs in places.

One of the most powerful performances of the evening must get a mention and that was by Gabrielle Reidy who played the boys mother Dora Strang. She took you through so many emotions in a simply stunning performance the likes I haven’t seen in a play in ages.

However for me the finest performance of the night went to Danielle Radcliffe. As I knew him as Harry Potter I was naturally thinking that is how I would see him during the whole play. Not true at all. I didn’t find myself thinking ‘oh that’s Harry Potter playing Harry Potter with a dark twist and no clothes’, I just thought ‘wow this lad can act.’ I think he’s chosen a great play in which to start to shed the Harry image. I also think that he is a well and truly talented actor. I’d recommend this play to anyone and everyone.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Drained & Groggy

Well I have literally been drained today... well this afternoon, managed work this morning despite wishing I could just stay in bed and curl up and die. One of the delightful things when you have a lump down below is that it can cause excess fluid in the area. This causes swelling and some of the most unbearable pain. Lads – you know when someone kicks you in the balls? Imagine that times ten and your just about close. I actually threw up it hurt so much at one point.

So whisked myself into the docs and had a chat with him and was sent down to the nurse. It’s a great day when you show your nether regions to two people you have no wish to in the space of ten minutes. I thought it couldn’t get much worse, and then out came the syringe.

A prick on your prick is really not pleasant (ok so it wasn’t on that exact area – I just wanted to write that) it’s a very, very weird sensation; some might even call it queer. This totally beats the male swab at a GUM Clinic for awkwardness and pain. Bless the nurse, she was trying to make small talk and take my mind of it, I was doing my best to just breathe and relax and try to work out what I needed from the shops. I didn’t realise I would barely be able to walk anywhere after, thank god my house is on a direct bus route.

I have just come home and slept. The pain killers are not really having any known effect. I still feel as shit as I did before I arrived at the docs only now with something similar to a panty liner attached to my scrotum. Delicious… hey? I am so attractive aren’t I?

I do hate sleeping midday or early evening and waking up later. The ‘groggy effect’ I like to call it, and I missed the bloody Apprentice. I’m glad to hear that Sophie is still in the running though I do like her. Right I best make a move as I refuse to miss ‘Louie Theroux – The Most Hated Family in Britain’ for the second time. I heard it was so awful and horrific I must watch it. Also have some Pizza Express Dough Balls in the oven… have just realised what an apt meal that is!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Have I Committed Crimes Today...

Tuesday 3rd April

Crime One – I flirted as has become usual in the office. I may have even had one impure thought about them – no I am not interested but come on we all have bad thoughts!

Crime Two – I didn’t go to Mr Burston’s book launch tonight. I so wanted to but I am aching in my ‘area’ like it has never ached before and frankly half sitting up in bed right now is painful. I am gutted but have offered him a ‘sorry’ cup of coffee or alcoholic beverage whenever he should wish. I want me book signed is one reason but second would be nice to say hello. A plus for him in honour, his new book ‘Lovers & Losers’ is out now and you should bloody buy it.

Crime Three – Searched for a present to cheer me up. Whilst doing so some youngsters came up to me in Woolworths and asked if I would by them a Playstation game that was for over eighteens. I did. Is that wrong of me? Answers please as I’m racked with guilt – am I bollocks (how apt) if I could have gotten someone to do that for me as a kid I bloody would have, in fact in terms of cigarettes and alcohol I did.

Crime Four – I bought myself the Timbaland album as a gift as was feeling so low. Is buying a Timbaland album a crime? Maybe.

Crime Five – I didn’t cook tonight, I got take away and had them deliver only four doors down. Sorry but with swelling aching and a syringe to contend with tomorrow I felt I was allowed this one small treat.

Crime Six – I have done no writing (bar my blog and which is now live) in weeks.

Crime Seven – Impure thoughts towards my day job. When the fire alarm went off was it so wrong of me to wish the whole place burnt down just so I could get more time in bed, and plus would have added more drama to my life?

Crime Eight – Leaving my keys at home and making Mr B come all the way to my office to give me them when I could easily have just gotten my arse on the tube and got them from his work, bar the aches. I did bloody leave them at home after all, it was totally my mistake.

Crime Nine – Forgetting a family members birthday!

Crime Ten – Questioning a friend of a few years. Not sure what I make of them anymore. Hardly ever hear from them unless they want something, they use our friendship as a weapon sometimes to get what they want and they always moan I never make an effort with them and I bloody do! I’ve also been completely slagging someone off, who I am desperately trying not to do as I shouldn’t dislike them really – but I do. I didn’t slag them off to one friend, oh no, I went the whole hog and slagged them off to three. Bad Simon!

When are the cops coming to get me?

Blog Envy

Monday 2nd April

I have found a new technological and emotional disease… its called Blog Envy! I have been introduced to one of my teams Blog’s via someone else in the office and I am quite, quite jealous. Her words are eloquent, she uses a brilliant turn of phrase and it’s generally much better than mine. ‘Minted’ you are talented lady – I now hate you ha, ha, ha. One thing that sadly depressed me was that I wasn’t mentioned once (call me shallow, self centred, whatever) but I had hoped I had a bit of a ‘fun’ impact on peoples days and now I am not so sure.

I’ve created a new myspace for mine and Mitch’s legendary duo written book which we are going to write. You can find it at add us etc. It’s going to be a Mills & Boon classic of orgasmic proportions called ‘The Emancipation of Love’, does that sound legendary or are we insane? Mitch has written a brilliant blog on how to write a M&B classic on her myspace it made me laugh and laugh.

Oh the flirting is still ongoing in the office between me and Mr M! However what I am not appreciating is that I am apparently the one who started it and managers frowning upon it. It’s just fun, but I guess people will talk, but to make it clear I will not be having an affair on Mr B, he is far too special and I have been cheated on and cheated and its no fun. Score settled I think.

Oh, I also went for a few bevies with my mate Harv tonight. Was lovely, I couldn’t stay out too long as I am lacking in sleep (despite my 15 hour marathon on Friday night) and also twinges downstairs are doing me no favours in going out or wanting to be out frankly!

Lump update – no news on ultrasound, is aching a lot tonight but was quite silent most of the day!

Sunday Bloody Ikea Sunday

Sunday 1st of April

One of the missions I have been given at work is to ‘revamp’ the office, it’s a great task working out the money you can spend and the fabulous things that you can spend it one etc. That is until you end up in Ikea or Homebase on a Sunday.

Ok it wasn’t horrific and I was with Gi, PP and Mr B so we had a really good laugh starting with a toast of coffee in Starbucks and a good old catch up. The shopping wasn’t too horrific considering it was the weekend, the only factor of irritation was me, and I couldn’t stop eyeing up things for the flat! Fortunately as my second mother (in honour) Gi kept stopping me from buying a) too much and b) endless shit that I didn’t want!

Coincidence madness though… I was walking through ‘lighting’ when I heard “Simon?” It was only Mitch and her mate Emma, now Mitch lives in Hitchin and I live in Tooting so the fact that we both ended up meeting in Wembley Ikea when we hadn’t mentioned we were going ‘house’ shopping was a bit bizarre. It makes me wonder if there is a bigger plan or if some stuff is just meant to happen.

Anyway one trip to Ikea and a trip to Homebase later we opened and unpacked and felt quite disheartened. Everything looks huge in Ikea, when you’re in a massive open plan office things seem a lot smaller and a lot more pathetic and measly. After an 8 hour day though we all needed to get out of there, so we toddled our separate ways (with Ikea bags in tow).

I decided with Mr. B that we would go for some dinner by the river. By this time my ‘area’ was aching dully and I just needed to sit down, however we had a lovely walk to St Paul’s and then over the river where the sun was simply stunning! It was bright but hazy and just looked astounding above the river and London skyline. Sometimes you need things like that to appreciate the fact that you live in this city and so many people don’t have that chance. It almost makes you believe the Underground is bearable, maybe not quite.

Had our dinner at Gourmet Pizza in Gabriel’s Wharf, it was so nice to sit down outside and just watch the skyline darken and have the people passing by (including a very butch lesbian in tears that made me laugh – I am awful) plus it gave me and Mr. B some quality time on his only day of in the week. I cannot wait for us both to have four days off at Easter. I must buy him an egg!

Soon as I got home I was in bed asleep with the dull ache, no Mr. B he was watching some old Italian classic with Portuguese subtitles, not quite my scene.

P.s Completely forgot to to do any April Fools :(