Tuesday 20th March
Recently I have been missing some cracking telly. I missed ‘Fallen Angel’, Hotel Babylon Series 2, that Louise documentary, and the like. Tonight however I actually caught something good. It was ‘Am I A Sex Addict’ with Ulrika Johnson talking to therapists and ex sex addicts and seeing if she has an addiction. I think I could answer that in a word, but she was good. I don’t love her by any standards and I don’t hate her but I can find her hard to watch. However with Dancing On Ice (I was obsessed – but missed the final) and this she has impressed me.
I thought of Michelle instantly when she did the silly ‘Horse Therapy’ which actually was very insightful. Ulrika was instantly wanting to ride the first horse she met (oh the irony) and then it followed her and she couldn’t keep it out of her head. This showed she had a certain type of animal/man she liked. Next they took it for a walk and she just let it lead everywhere and then lost interest – again like her and her men. She wouldn’t ride it as she didn’t trust it etc, etc. It was a clever way of relating her feelings towards anyone.
It got me thinking though, would I describe myself as a sex addict. The answer is… borderline. I love sex. I could have sex 24/7, but I also respect it. I miss it when its not there but I wont go out of my way to get it. I know if you love someone it means more, but I am aware sex with someone randomly is naughty and adds a certain element to it.
Have I used it to feel good about myself? Yes, course I have sex makes everyone feel good. Have I used it to make someone like me? Yes in the past sex could be used as some sort of acceptance that gay men did fancy me. Have I used sex to make me feel better about myself? Yes, I have slept with really attractive but dull men just so I could bed someone hot, and I have also slept with someone who was lovely but not the most attractive man so I could feel the sexy one. This doesn’t make me an addict as I see it, it makes me normal.
We all use our sexuality in our lives. Flirting is a really social thing, I flirt with all the girls at work – do I want to have sex with them, erm, no! Is it a power thing? No. Am I being a dirty old gay letch? No. I am having fun.
To me a sex addict is someone who needs it 24/7 a day, I could do it for that but I don’t NEED 24/7. Make sense. I also do get very emotionally attached, a bit of a girly me I would rather have sex with someone I really care about! I have always been monogamous (yes I have cheated but I don’t think its big or clever, my situation was an unhappy one) but I don’t disagree with open relationships. I like sex, I hope sex likes me… lets all like sex!
Just thought I would clear that one up!