Tuesday 17th April 2007
Despite the sun being out and everyone being lovely and Mr B making me happy, I am depressed. My doctor says it so it must be true. I told G and she looked at me like ‘oh even I could have told you that one’. I’m not sure that it’s that severe, I mean who likes worrying about their health? I think that’s the two factors really, health and work. My ultra sound results have come back and there is definitely an abnormality, and yes I am most definitely having a full body scan for the other lumps and bumps it could be as soon as tomorrow.
I’m worried about my health and so I’m not sleeping. Not sleeping is making me tired during the day and so I am not performing at work. Not performing at work means trouble. Trouble means I have to face things in the office I don’t like.
State of health also requires time off (which I must add work are being amazing about and I have a decent support network), time off means not in work as much. Not being in work as much gets you noticed. Getting noticed means people have logged I am behind. Simon thinks (maybe its paranoia) that people quite like this, Simon however isn’t. Simon then takes work home meaning any social life and relaxation can go bugger itself, Simon Savidge then cannot sleep.
It’s a vicious circle of evil, my doctor has suggested I take a break – I laughed in his face… almost. The idea of me having a holiday at the moment is one big joke. Yes, I am off to Yorkshire so that will be a break, but by break I think he means take some time for myself and sod everyone else, the later sounds more than appealing as currently I do hate everyone I know at some point in the day.
There are however some rays of light in my life. I received an early copy of Siobhan (the ex ginger Sugababe) Donaghy’s album ‘Ghosts’ – it’s bloody awesome possibly my favourite album of the year so far. ‘Sometimes’ really cheers me up (for five minutes) even though it’s about what pigs men are. The other is finally I have the whole of Most Haunted 5! Hoorah. Simple things please Simple Simon I guess. The other things are next week I may have a day off through hospital, am training on Weds and off to Yorkshire on Fri meaning a three or two day week, that could make me very much happier – ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh hang on, that means I have more time and work to make up… bugger! See? Evil bloody cycle.