Saturday, June 23, 2007

The Ergonomics of Boring School

Thursday 21st June 2007

I am officially an Ergonomist. Yes after a hellish exam me and Spanners passed with 100%. These last few days have really felt like being at school including the drama of the night before last. We are thrilled as we both thought that we had failed. We are also thrilled to have left both Leicester and the course. The lecturers were lovely (I have added one on facebook) and the course was a lot more interesting than I thought it would be, but that was all that was interesting.

The people were to put it politely… boring! What’s more they were a little too into the whole course. I mean Spanners and I weren’t not into it, after all £1,000 for a course you have to be into it in order to pass, and with that sort of money if I failed it would be a slight financial problem. But these people were something else. I won’t name them all (I won’t name them at all as I will only get in trouble) but will give you the caricatures that me and Spanners created. Well we had to do something to entertain us Leicester was hardly forthcoming.

Wangerlicious Bronners – she was a lovely big butch lezza – she didn’t tell us that we just assumed, who talked like a character out of Wallace & Gromit. She was a proper questioner. ‘Well I have been told that’s not right and you should do this?’ was her favourite comment, in her dulcet tones. We warmed to her because her mad hair patting and excess boob presenting whilst doing so gave us the giggles. We did however hide when we saw her coming to the bar in the hotel.

Miss Perfect – This person we were made aware of in the random restaurant on the first night. She looked like butter wouldn’t melt and was so prim and proper (and slightly up her own anus) didn’t stop her pulling some random man who was having dinner alone next to her and taking him off to her room. Dirty bitch! I would never do something like that. Everything she said was right, in her head not others and everything needed to take ten minutes to explain and be all about her and how hard she works and how great she is. I asked her how long she had been in her job ‘too long if you ask me’ she sneered ‘and on too little pay’. I was tempted to say leave then but held my tongue. Spanners new she had riled me and she kept taking the Mickey as when my air con didn’t work she said ‘Miss Perfect has hers on and it walking around in a constant breeze looking like a hair commercial’. Or when my shandy turned out to be beer ‘Miss Perfect is upstairs bathing in Shandy enjoying its lemony bubbles’. She was a good butt of jokes.

Then there was Arrogant A – he never looked you in the eye when he said all your ideas were wrong, but liked to tell you as often as possible.

The Butch Gay Policeman – was on the course ‘self financed’ (we cared you can imagine) and like to tell us how he had a job with a famous cosmetics company starting in 2 weeks in Paris and all the free products he could get. Spanners and I couldn’t decide which one of us he was trying to impress… neither in the end.

I think I have the start of another book here… would you read it? ‘The Ergonomics of Boring School’ or ‘The Ergonomics Convention’ could be two working titles. What do you think?

No comments: