Friday, March 28, 2008

Weddings Are Not Fairy Tales

Since the news has been out that Mr B and I are taking each other up the aisle (oo-er) in less than two months I have had so many emails and messages. Thank you for everyone who has been so lovely and given me some tips and handy hints. Everyone wants to know, when – the 24th of May, where – not telling, what we are doing for the dinner and party – as soon as I know believe me I’ll let you. Yes, everything is still up in the air. People do randomly seem to think we decided this in Paris, we didn’t. The Certificate of Approval took some time and we’ve been talking about this for a while. Oh and I have been planning my wedding since I was about 8. So just the 18 years then.

You do strangely feel like you are in the centre of a whirlwind once it’s announced… in a nice way. Hang on let me think how to explain this. You’re caught up in your excitement and everyone else’s but you have to stay where you are both at without getting whirled off and lost with everyone else. No. Erm… this is a hard one. Ok, tips and handy hints I love, telling me what to do or what I think is right is wrong or taking control is a massive no. No that sounds mean. I will use today to help.

I met up with a friend this afternoon, she too is getting married in May, she too kept it a secret for as long as possible and the reason for the latter as she put it is ‘people asking if they can help is fabulous only watch out who you say yes to, people telling you that you HAVE to do this and you MUST consider this need to fuck off.’ She is so spot on. They don’t put these pitfalls in wedding magazines.

Mr B’s and my best women (Mitch and Muffintop) have been amazing. They constantly want to know how they can help, is there anything they can do. We went dress shopping with them and it was about what we wanted, we were all about what they wanted – it got complicated. That is the help I need, G has that help from her sister, who has gone crazy, in a good way. My mother (god love her) however has not been demanding but has told me when to have it ‘it must be that week because its half term’ and through a small fit when I mentioned I wanted the wedding on a Friday ‘well how selfish’. Well yes actually I am going to be selfish, it’s my bloody day.

Now, inviting people is a fucking nightmare in itself. G is having a massive affair that is getting more and more massive as in laws etc invite guests. Which she wouldn’t mind if they were offering to pay for them… in fact yes she would its her bloody wedding. It’s true though people forget that as well as it being your day, we don’t all have mummies or daddies who are footing the bill, and even if you do (we don’t) it doesn’t matter. It’s your day. This is my advice to everyone out there IT IS YOUR DAY!

I have had a few people say ‘so my partner is invited yeah?’ or ‘oh don’t invite my partner I know it’s expensive’. How about you wait until the fucking invites go out? No, I mean that in a nice way, but when you have a massive amount of stress on you as it is and you haven’t even sorted the guest list out yet because it could start World War III in your family or possibly kill off some of your friendships all you want people to say is ‘I am so excited your getting married’ not ‘are you sure its that day I need to reschedule some work/I don’t want to spend money on a hotel if your not sure’, ‘can you change the day I can’t make that’, ‘its so early I will have to be in London two nights, goodness’. You smile sweetly whilst inside screaming. Is this unreasonable of me? Am I becoming a Groom-zilla?

The ceremony and the dinner itself we want (not because we are tight, or mean, or awkward, it’s just what we want) to be really small, like I am talking tiny. My immediate family alone is 23 people, be 5 of them under 10, and when really the max we want is 40 its makes it hard. Really, really hard. I thought it would be a breeze, I was wrong. The party at night we want everyone there, we really do. I know however some people will see it as a slight if they aren’t invited for the whole day or a rejection. It’s a logistical nightmare. I will stop moaning and ranting sorry. I will say Cinderella never seemed to have this problem, or Snow White? However, they are fairy tales. Oh and Snow White did have that problem of being in some apple induced coma, so I let her off.

It was good to sit with someone who is going through the same boat as me, I also found it interesting that she wanted to talk about my wedding till the cows came home and not hers and I was vice versa. Oh the vow scripts arrived in my inbox today, ready to be rejigged by ourselves so it’s personal to us individually and our day… but that’s a whole other story and a whole other blog.

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