I dont normally air my dirty laundry out in public, but just this once as it links with a previous blog 'and when did you last see your father'. Here is what my Dad (though he didnt sign off as such) emailed me today about his attendance to the wedding, and our relatioship! I guess this would be his fathers speech?
The reason I (we) cannot assume anything is that virtually everything you tell me (us) changes – we have absolutely no way of planning anything around you with any degree of certainty. You have let us (me and G&G) down a lot in the past – with regards to visits that never happen.
I just cannot function in your hap hazard fashion.
On the issue of contact and effort made – yes you have phoned me but certainly not a lot – but I have travelled every time to see you. You have made no effort to see G&G in all your visits to Matlock – why? You have made no effort to come to Leicester and yet you can go anywhere else –why is that? You have made no effort to let Anna Chris and Emma meet your partner – let’s just do it on the day shall we?
We are very different people - with very different ways of doing things with very different values.
Perhaps we will meet again – sometime.
I hope everything goes well on Saturday and in the future.
I am speechless to be honest! The reply...
Well at least I know how you now feel.
I think its a shame that you have had to put it across in such a manner.
My last email was to point out the comunication at the moment, I wasnt aware it was going to betaken in such a way especially as I tried to end it on a positive note saying how I wanted to see you more. I am saddened by your response and your sudden telling me of all my failings, could you not have told me this on the phone last time we spoke as it seems to have been brewing for a while.
I invited you in March which I think is a lot of notice considering this has been a quick wedding and I phoned you the day it was booked. I also invoted you Anna Chris and Emma because I wanted you to come. I also told you how I wanted G & G to come, you said you werent sure it would be their cup of tea. If you felt I was inconsistant and the like why didnt you call me to check?
I am trying to think of times I have let you down by not seeing you and can only think of when I came to Leicester for my previous job and ended up having to come home after my collapse? Could you tell me of specific times as I would be interested to know those as then I could apologise.
Why have I not seen G & G when I have last been up, lets see... maybe its because it was when Bong (David) was dying last year and the funeral and all that follwed? That was THE hardest time, Bong brought me up and to extent I lost much more than a grandfather, so I am sorry I didnt visit and have said this in a letter to G & G I would have loved to seen them but the timing was wrong! I have been up twice since once to spend time with a grieving woman and another for a Carolines 40th which originally I couldnt go to either as I was meant to be travelling for work and they were both short last minute visits because of the job I do.
On the subject of phoning I have looked back at bills and I phone you at least every two months to your absolutely NONE! So I think its unfair to then say I never come and visit, if you had to phone someone all the time and they never phone back what would you think they felt let alone feel like you could visit.
I havent met Anna still, at first it was clear she wasnt keen from what you told me so I think that is unfair. I would like to meet her, she was wonderful when I had my back done with all the advice she gave me. I would loved to ahve met her, you have a busy schedule and so have I - I think this is a two way street. As to Alex not meeting them, hes only met my mother 4 times maybe 5.
You have made no effort to come to Leicester and yet you can go anywhere else –why is that? I dont understand this, where is everywhere else? I have not been invited the last few times I have phoned and also I know you have been thinking of moving and had assummed it wasnt the right time. I'm not a mind reader.
We are very different people - with very different ways of doing things with very different values. Meaning? So I dont have values? If that is what you think I believe giving up everything in London to be with a dying man for 2 months is values! Or do you mean different like you see yourself and Paul and that you dislkie me and dont want to see me again?
I did not intend this last email to start such a conversation, I actually said in my first email How is all with you? I want to make more of an effort to see you from now as I have been pants. How does that sound? Now I get an email like this. I wanted to make things better.