The Case of the Missing Parcels

I feel like I might have to become one of my all time hero’s and literary icons Sherlock Holmes for deep in the Tooting massive something odd and quite worrying seems to be happening. Letters are arriving at my home but now a whopping ten parcels have apparently ‘gone missing’. Should they have all been sent on the same day then I might think ‘oh a post box was set fire to by ruffians at a specific address’ or ‘oh dear maybe a postman or post van spontaneously combust’ but no as its on various different dates of these being sent it appears this isn’t the case.

In fact as Royal Mail have told me ‘if it hasn’t been 15 days then it’s not lost, some post can take 15 days’. Does this not scream of being slightly wrong? I thought we paid for first class stamps in order that they turned up the next day… not within the next 15? Maybe this is a secret only people working at Royal Mail know, like a secret handshake or non-specific nod? I think if this is the case it should be made slightly more public.

I normally don’t worry about post however one parcel is over one hundred pounds worth of books. I know, I know the sender should have sent them recorded delivery minimal, especially as they are now saying they won’t send replacements, I won’t mention names but Bloomsbury books you know who you are, whoops did I just out them? One email did make me laugh ‘seeing as we sent them to the address stated it seems pointless to send them again as they won’t turn up’ I can oddly see the logic I am still incredibly unimpressed. However its not just them its several other publishers and also some PR firms, I am wondering if the post man is going around with fabulous hardback or twenty resting on his trolley around Tooting whilst humming to Same Difference, Britney or Kanye West (aren’t I eclectic) blasting through his headphones?

There is a darker side to this that I am unsure as to whether to even open the can of worms to. All the parcels had ‘Bent Magazine’ written on, now I don’t play the homophobic card often its just seems odd that post merely addressed to me seems to arrive as long as it’s no thicker than a bill. It’s all very peculiar. They haven’t gone to head office in a random London = Leeds confusion, I have checked. Of course they could be sat in the sorting office with no ‘sorry we missed you card’ having been slipped through my slot, or maybe it went to another same numbered house on this road that is actually a separate road (complex but true) or maybe the shop has it next door? I just can’t imagine ten parcels getting lost on separate days can you?

With that I shall get my cape, pipe and deerstalker and go and investigate.