Ultrasounding Camp

15th June 2007

After having a good moan about the NHS and there total lack of ability in dealing with people and there records I was given an NHS cheer up in the form of the Nurse/Doctor who did my ultrasound today, for he was the campest man I have met, and I have met a few. It was worth the journey into bloody surrey just for the laughs.

As I am now an ‘urgent’ case I was glad to see that I managed to get an ultrasound within two days, that is an NHS feat of the highest order. Sadly it was at St Helier Hospital which is past Morden and then on a long bus journey so it was right in the sticks (but hey I got to read more of my book).

If Nelson Hospital is like something out of Heartbeat/Where The Heart is St Helier is like something out of a Doctor Who episode. You are always waiting for some zombies to appear. It looks like a huge industrial/factory building that has been painted white (with pealing outer wall chic) and then has so many corridors and staircases that you can imagine a very good chase going on with some demented zombie nurses baying for your blood. Maybe I should write and episode and send it in, oh hang on they did that when the hospital ended up on the moon, damn.

So I go in and they haven’t got my appointment card (even though I could see my name on the pile next to her) as she was looking at another file which was clearly for pregnant women. I then went and waited. I had one before at St Georges and so I knew the drill, pants down get some gel on and let’s have a look. I was till a bit nervous, well you do when it’s something health wise and also I am a bit funny about getting my tackle out to strangers… well in certain circumstances.

I then heard in Alan Carr tones ‘Mr Savidge’. I walked in lay down and he was told to take my ‘bits and bobs off’. He then almost screamed (no really) ‘oh my you do have an engorgement’. I felt like I was in a carry on movie and started laughing and laughing. ‘Don’t laugh’ he smirked ‘I cant take good pictures of it all if your wobbling everywhere’ well that was it there were tears. So a HUGE thank you to the NHS as I had a ball… literally!